When I get back to work, I’ll post the partial entry I wrote on fear. In just a day, I feel like the fear issue I was wrestling with has suddenly become obsolete, and I want to move past it without addressing it at all; but part of the reason for this blog is to document the process and fear is an important and common block for psychics of all ages. Fear is huge, it blocks the door, keeps it shut.
When I asked for the door to be opened for me on Saturday morning, I realize now I was embracing all those things I feared the day before: potentially scary encounters with spirit energy, emotional intensity with people I would encounter as clients & practice partners, the risk of being wrong, potential exposure to sad and painful events. I don’t have a fear blockage towards these things anymore, simply because I decided I was ready and equipt to deal with whatever may come from being psychic in this world. I want that. I will embrace all that comes with it. I walk up to the open door with arms wide.
I felt the door open in my mind’s eye, and like a curtain in a theatre was drawn aside, and I was filled with a feeling of joy and warmth. I felt like I could smile and smile forever.
As I began to ask questions in my head, I could see flashes, like a quick blip of a movie. It’s not a lot, it’s not very detailed yet, but I’m there. The emotional confirmation I felt when Claudia Hehr told me how my dog was abandoned was with me again – an emotion so complete I knew I was responding to something certain and real. I was connected with my guide, with the Spirit energy, with the Creator, with Mother Azna and Earth. I’ve had that feeling before, and I’m still filled with the certainty of it’s meaning.
This certainty gives me the confidence to deliver messages, even when I know the recipients will probably not be open to receiving it.
I walked with my partner K through the day yesterday, and talked with a few animals we encountered. One dog hopped out of our friend’s van and chirped in my head “I’m having a sleep-over and then I’m going to eat a can of food!” She flashed me a picture of a red can of dog food and a feeling of happy anticipation that the day held only good things for her.
I asked my friend “Is there a can of dog food?” Indeed there was, right in the van. It looked like the can in the picture the dog had shown me, but I saw the label as redder than the can in the van. The brand was “Ol’ Roy” though, and I know that brand has a red label as well, which I think is the dog’s favourite.
I walked past another young malamute mix who spends some days tied up outside his owner’s tattoo shop. I said hello to this puppyish dog who decided to try and dominate me a bit with rough play and jumping. When I would have none of that, he settled down and said “I’m waiting for work to be done so we can go on a walk.”
That was probably right, I figured.
I spent all of Saturday with a “light” feeling, and I understood suddenly the “airy-fairy” hippy types who seem to be partially out of touch all the time. If you get too caught up in experiencing the lightness of the energy world, you can zone out of the more solid world we incarnated to experience, and it makes it difficult to connect with other people in a non-psychic way. Balance, grounding is important.
We returned home as the sun was retreating, feeling happy. And then, the lights started to blink on and off. On and off. For two minutes the lights blinked on and off in what seemed like an intentional message of saying “Hello. I am here.”
I checked in with my sweetie to see if she was okay with the lights blinking on and off, with spirits making themselves so blatantly known to us. She said she was fine and not scared. This was not an aggressive feeling interaction, we did not feel scared, more of a “Holy shit. First contact. This is the new normal.”
I started asking questions: If there is a spirit energy present, please blink the lights again. If there is someone who wants to communicate, please blink the lights again.
The lights did not blink again.
I felt suddenly completely exhausted. I experienced my first bout of psychic fatigue. My sweetie knew what I needed though, and she downloaded a healing meditation by Brian Weiss.
“I warn you, it sounds hokey when I describe it, because you’re going to be swimming with dolphins and stuff.”
Sounds good to me.
I felt sensitized to the buzzing sounds of the fridge, the computers, the electronic clocks, and so I flipped all of the breakers in our apartment off. I enjoy the peace of a space with no electricity – I encourage everyone to turn their breakers off and relax for a while. I’ve noticed a difference between a power outage and simply unplugging everything – the walls are still charged. When you flip the breakers, you cut off the electricity to the outlets and ceiling fixtures. The space feels more open – try it.
I lay down on the couch and draped a scarf over my eyes (including my wide-open third eye.) I popped in my ipod and listened to Brian Weiss’ wonderful healing meditation.
Meditation is an essential part in psychic communication as well as coping with psychic exhaustion and maintaining general good health. It’s hugely important. There’s another entry coming on meditation.
My little dog Bonus settled in with me and came along my meditative journey with me, and as I followed Brian’s guidance through various places in my mind’s eye, I realized I was returning to places I had already visited as a kid. The feeling of déjà-vu has been so strong these past few weeks.
And I saw for the first time the face of my spirit guide, Aries.
I first made contact with Aries ten years ago after reading a meditation from one of Sylvia Browne’s books on contacting your spirit guide. At the time, I didn’t get any visuals, but I had a definite knowing that I had made contact, and that he was male. When I asked what name I should use, I got the word “Aries”, which made sense to me as I’m an Aries myself.
In the past decade I’ve developed a relationship with Aries, trusting that he will send my messages for help to the Creator, or to Azna, or the appropriate patron saint. He has without fail kept me safe when I needed protection from negative people, from dangerous weather, from my own depression. I trust him and am utterly grateful for his presence.
And during meditation, I met him face-to-face. He has a very round face, like the sun, with a wide, wide smile. Dark eyes, heavy eyebrows, and I sensed the words “Aztec” and “Pueblo” and “Anasazi” as well as the warm, dry weather he experienced in his own life.
I went on to swim with the wonderful dolphins in the healing pool as my dog Bonus watched from the warm, sandy beach. It was nice having him along, and he shared with me that he had been my dog before in a previous life – but then he was much bigger, like a Saluki or a greyhound. He still doesn’t like water which is why he stays mostly on the beach, in meditation and in the world.
I emerged from the meditation feeling completely renewed, and I realized that when I get home from the hospital some days feeling completely exhausted, the thing to do is not to lay on the couch for the rest of the night watching TV. The thing to do is to meditate. I will do that from now on.
My sweetie and I talked for hours about her psychic experiences, and I’m realizing how very lucky I am to have such a wonderful partner. Sweetie is not wanting to open her own door wider than it is right now, however just talking about her experiences sensitized her and she found it difficult to get to sleep last night for all the spiritual activity in our house, until she remembered to shield herself.
Near the end of the night, I received Shelly’s email essentially rejecting every message she did not like to hear. I experienced an emotional reaction that is difficult to describe:
It was not anger or indignation. It was not self-doubt. It was like a sigh, the feeling of raising your palms in a helpless gesture, as though I had held out food and it had been given back to me, along with complaints of hunger.
Confusion, I guess. A bit of disappointment too.
This threw me off the centered, happy vibe I’d been riding all day.
I’m not sure what to do with her reply.
Going to sleep last night presented a new challenge – the door was open, and the temptation of my own spirit to take off and follow each and every one of those voices was preventing me from falling into the deep and restful sleep I sorely needed. Finally I turned down the flame of my hurricane oil lamp and said “This signifies the dimming of my psychic light. I am turning it down now so I can sleep.”
I visualized a protective bubble around me, another around the whole bed, another around the bedroom and another surrounding most of the house.
The second bedroom resisted this sort of protection. There is a story for this room, but that’s another entry.
This entry ends with me falling to sleep. I slept pretty well.