Oh doubt, there you are.


I mean come on.  This morning after posting the Kurt entry, I’ve been feeling prickles of self-doubt. 

It’s one thing when I’m talking to someone’s relative, or a wandering spirit, or my animals.  It’ll always be exciting to receive confirmation when it comes, although I trust what I’m getting, more and more.  I’m learning more about telling the difference between messages from people on the other side, and my own thoughts. 

(Tip that helps me:  The thoughts with the higher vibration are the ones from heaven.  I find if I pay attention to the area right in front of my nose/forehead, I can sense the tension of the energy I’m working with.  The greater the tension, the lower the vibration = indication it’s probably coming from me.  I check in with my guide who then confirms whether it’s my worry speaking, my preconceived ideas, or not. So my confidence is growing.)

But this morning I found myself thinking, “Huh.  I wonder how many readers were just put off by me talking to Kurt Cobain.” 

(I just heard “Fuck ‘em.” in my head.  Kurt likes to say “fuck” a LOT.  John hardly ever says fuck; “shit” is more his curse word.  Or “shite”.)

Anyway, it’s funny to me that I’ve been talking with John freaking Lennon for weeks now, and Kurt is a stumbling block?  I asked myself why this was, and I answered myself,

Because Kurt was the John Lennon of my generation.  I didn’t know who John Lennon was before I began to embrace all this psychic stuff. I had no preconceived ideas about him, I had no personal investment in talking to him.  But Kurt Cobain, well.  He’s kind of a big deal.

I say this partially to tease John too.  John obviously means a lot to me now, he’s one of my favourite people to talk to. 

But I knew who Kurt was when he was alive, and Nirvana was part of the soundtrack of my life.  Our drama troop did a mash-up of Smells Like Teen Spirit, the original version spliced with Tori Amos’ remix.

My Sweetie called him her hero.

So suddenly I’m fielding internal questions like, “Would Kurt *really* want to talk to me?  Shouldn’t he have better things to do, like, rock star things to do in Heaven?”

You’d think I would’ve asked these questions of myself when I started talking to John, or that I would be past disbelief by now.  Not so, apparently. 

It seems that my comfort levels are always constantly being pushed, just a little at a time.  Only as much as I’ll be able to incorporate at once.

I tell you, if Kurt had shown up before John, I’m pretty sure I would have shut the conversation down, out of fear that I was losing it.  So much has happened since I started blogging though, I can’t dismiss this now.

Kurt says he is available to help anyone struggling with depression, especially children and teenagers.  I wonder if that’s why he’s here for my Sweetie.  I do worry about her a bit.  Spiritual transitions are challenging.  One thing is for sure though, Heaven is paying close attention to her.

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