I mean come on. This morning after posting the Kurt entry, I’ve been feeling prickles of self-doubt.
It’s one thing when I’m talking to someone’s relative, or a wandering spirit, or my animals. It’ll always be exciting to receive confirmation when it comes, although I trust what I’m getting, more and more. I’m learning more about telling the difference between messages from people on the other side, and my own thoughts.
(Tip that helps me: The thoughts with the higher vibration are the ones from heaven. I find if I pay attention to the area right in front of my nose/forehead, I can sense the tension of the energy I’m working with. The greater the tension, the lower the vibration = indication it’s probably coming from me. I check in with my guide who then confirms whether it’s my worry speaking, my preconceived ideas, or not. So my confidence is growing.)
But this morning I found myself thinking, “Huh. I wonder how many readers were just put off by me talking to Kurt Cobain.”
(I just heard “Fuck ‘em.” in my head. Kurt likes to say “fuck” a LOT. John hardly ever says fuck; “shit” is more his curse word. Or “shite”.)
Anyway, it’s funny to me that I’ve been talking with John freaking Lennon for weeks now, and Kurt is a stumbling block? I asked myself why this was, and I answered myself,
Because Kurt was the John Lennon of my generation. I didn’t know who John Lennon was before I began to embrace all this psychic stuff. I had no preconceived ideas about him, I had no personal investment in talking to him. But Kurt Cobain, well. He’s kind of a big deal.
I say this partially to tease John too. John obviously means a lot to me now, he’s one of my favourite people to talk to.
But I knew who Kurt was when he was alive, and Nirvana was part of the soundtrack of my life. Our drama troop did a mash-up of Smells Like Teen Spirit, the original version spliced with Tori Amos’ remix.
My Sweetie called him her hero.
So suddenly I’m fielding internal questions like, “Would Kurt *really* want to talk to me? Shouldn’t he have better things to do, like, rock star things to do in Heaven?”
You’d think I would’ve asked these questions of myself when I started talking to John, or that I would be past disbelief by now. Not so, apparently.
It seems that my comfort levels are always constantly being pushed, just a little at a time. Only as much as I’ll be able to incorporate at once.
I tell you, if Kurt had shown up before John, I’m pretty sure I would have shut the conversation down, out of fear that I was losing it. So much has happened since I started blogging though, I can’t dismiss this now.
Kurt says he is available to help anyone struggling with depression, especially children and teenagers. I wonder if that’s why he’s here for my Sweetie. I do worry about her a bit. Spiritual transitions are challenging. One thing is for sure though, Heaven is paying close attention to her.