I remember writing previously about a friend of mine who once said to me The Universe Doesn’t Care. It’s one way of looking at the world and its problems from a higher perspective. The universe doesn’t place values on good or evil, right or wrong, light or darkness. They are equal because they allow each other to exist in contrast. The universe, life, is a perfectly balanced equation.
One of the attendees in last Monday’s Intuitive Development class was said We will all become Nothing. Which is another way of saying the same thing. It led into a bit of a discussion, since I understand what he’s saying, yet the concept makes me uncomfortable. In my class, students and the facilitator all respect each other as potential teachers, and so while another woman admitted to having difficulty / being very uncomfortable with this idea of nihilism, the respect was there and no one was going to argue with him or impose their own ideas on him by telling him he was wrong.
I don’t think he’s wrong.
But there’s something about the concept of returning to the Big Bubble in the Sky, of losing my individuality, my soul’s history so completely, that frightens me.
This is what Bob Marley wants to talk to me about – how we are all one, we are all love, there is nothing to fear, we are all connected, we call came from heaven, we will all return, we will all join together, inevitably, as the cycle completes.
I find myself pushing Marley away a bit. I’m having a difficult time with this concept. I feel afraid, sometimes panicky almost, when I meditate on these concepts which Marley presents.
Because what significance is anything if it all becomes nothing?
I’m having flash-backs to my goth days when I wrote morbid poetry, struggled with suicidal thoughts and asked myself daily, “What’s the point?”
Maybe that’s where the fear comes from… that I came so close to taking my own life as a teenager, that I’m afraid to really dive into this idea.
Yet I’m drawn to it as strongly as I’m repelled by it. So I don’t feel like I’m moving forward at all.
I’m resistant. And there’s Marley, patiently waiting for me to engage with him again. There’s Kurt and George, helping me cope with the fear. There’s John, making me laugh.
Thank you Heaven, for my invisible friends.
I think this stumbling block I’m on is an expected landmark of spiritual development. If you’re reading this and you’re also walking a spiritual path, I encourage you to reach out for as much support as you can, because when you need it, it’s important to have those relationships established. You’ll find it.
Ha. Albie just popped in. He says,
Remember, fear is a temporary state of being. Fear is an energy of change. (Shows me a ball increasing vibration until it rolls forward.) Fear is a state to be acknowledged, welcomed. I had fear in my life. Fear drove me to America! Ha! That was the best thing which could have happened. Fear can be our guide. Be sure you listen to your fear, and do not fear your fear! Do not avoid these things which scare you, or you will not move forward. Instead, look upon them and use the fear energy to transform your life.
He shows me that, while experiencing fear, you can settle your “higher self” and get in touch with the message behind the fear. Fear is an alert chime. It says “Pay Attention!” It is a reason to ground yourself, to remain calm and to give your attention to the matter which inspired the fear; that matter is important.
Thank you Albie. You’re a dear friend. (He laughs.)