It’s George Carlin, folks!

Well, this’ll be interesting. Now I have two Georges on the roster. I’ll have to refer to George Carlin as Carlin, if that’s cool with you, George.

Naw, you can call the other one Hippy George.

You know, my high school art teacher’s last name was Carlin too.

Well at least one of your teachers knew what the fuck he was doing!

My calculus teacher was pretty cool too.

Was that the fucker with the dauchunds?

Yeah!

Who stretches a dog out like that? You know, that’s a great example of humans playing god. Just to see how much they can fuck things up, exaggerate a creature of nature. Hey, let’s see how long we can make this dog! Let’s make this dog look like a dick! We’ll call it a wiener dog! Fuck you, God!

So you’re doing a double-feature eh, George? You came in really clearly when my friend commented that you’ve also done the interview on Channeling Erik.

(something about a threesome/foursome)

I didn’t get that, George. Was that just so obscene my mind rejected it?

Naw, I kind of fucked that up. Can’t win ‘em every time. You have to be a lot faster up here, you know.

What’s it like up there?

It’s fucking great.

You’re going to say “fuck” in every line, aren’t you?

Fuckin’ right. Still the best word in the English language.

Okay, but you need to help me to make sure this post doesn’t get flagged by the IT people as obscene. Yeah, that’s a conversation I’d rather not have.

*withering look*

I know, but dude, I need to stay employed.

You only THINK you need a fucking job.

George, I need a fucking break! You help us get our income up to $4k a month, and help me get an average of two paying clients a week, consistently, through this winter. Then I’ll be open to moving into self-employment again.

Sweetheart, let me tell you, that bankruptcy was the best goddamned fucking thing to ever happen to you. You aren’t so scared anymore. You gotta learn, the rules – which rules are there just to scare you, just to keep you from becoming who you’re supposed to be. That’s why I love the word “fuck” so much! It’s fucking powerful! Fuck it! Fuck off! FUCK YOU! You gotta learn to say it, to live it!

HA! That’s a lot like what Kurt’s been encouraging us to do – we’ve been joking Kurt’s a bad influence.

That kid is fucking great.

Ha! You know I won’t censor language with those asterisks, eh? Is that why you’re insistent on talking to me now, in conjunction with the channeling erik peeps?

Texans (southerners?) are such fucking hypocrites! They’ll put a retard in the electric chair and kill him for a crime he didn’t commit and can’t understand, but they won’t say fuck. That’s a social-cultural criticism, not a strike against (Elisa, Jamie, Erik) in particular. I just always had a thing for Canadian broads.

I’m a broad now, gee thanks!

Yeah, no one messes with a broad. A chick, you can push around. A broad, that’s just about a bitch. And a lot less uptight than a cunt.

Aww, thanks George! You know we’re reclaiming the word “cunt” though, right? Have you read Inga Musico’s book by that title?

Yeah, tell her I think she’s a sexy bitch.

(He always loved to piss off feminists, but I also don’t think Inga would be offended by that.)

I will, when I see her.

You’ll see her in California. And send her that fucking hat! (Sweetie has been sending hand-knit hats to people we think are cool feminists.)

Yeah, we’ve been talking about going to California. LA, maybe, in February.

You’ll get to LA, but not for a while. No here’s where you need to be in fucking California! (Shows me Yosemite? I’ll know it when I get there.)

George, I’ve been thinking about getting back into stand-up, what do you think?

Gorgeous, you are already are back in stand-up. The whole planet’s the club and our existence is beautiful irony. All you’re doing is pointing it out.

I fucking love you, George Carlin.

I fucking love you too, babe.

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5 thoughts on “It’s George Carlin, folks!

    • Yeah, I love Carlin’s style, pushing the obscene so far it becomes funny, just to show that obscenity is all a matter of perception anyway.

      Example, quote from one of his acts: “Fuck mickey mouse. Fuck mickey mouse with a big rubber dick! Then break it off and beat ’em with the rest of it.”

      Out of context, obscene, right? But coming from George in the context of his set, it’s my favourite quote. Yeah, I guess I’m pretty twisted, eh?

      I think my love of dark humour comes from the years working in the animal hospital and in nursing. When nothing is sacred, you just have to have a sense of humour about it. There’s a reason nurses have the best parties 🙂

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      • I have just spent my weekend reading all of the entries on your website as the opportunities presented itself. And I have enjoyed and appreciated every bit of it. I appreciate the perspective and information you share, and really like your candid writing style. For what it’s worth, I found your website through a link on the “Channeling Erik” blog.

        I should have been in bed over an hour ago due to work in the morning, but I really wanted to get caught up on ALL of the entries to date.

        I like the perspectives presented by the folks you’ve communicated with, have always been a fan of Kurt and Nirvana (I have all the CDs and some concert DVDs that I revisit often), as well as the Foo Fighters (I wonder what his opinion is of them), and many of your pet-related comments have me curious about the critters I currently have, as well as ones from the past that lived full long lives. I’d swear one of our current cats is a previous one that has come back, but of course I don’t know for sure.

        Anyway, thank you for all that you share and all that you do. I’ve embarked upon my own spiritual journey over the past couple of years, and while I can’t seem to open up any first-hand psychic experiences (to the best of my knowledge) or abilities, I’m open-minded enough to accept what others experience and want to learn as much as I can.

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      • That’s great Allen, and thanks for the lovely comment too.

        You know, you probably already are receiving messages from your cat. Sometimes we just have to learn how to calm or slow our own thoughts enough to recognize when something’s coming in from outside. I’ll bet you’re really close. Whenever I get the message that an animal was also an incarnation of a pet from the past, sometimes I’ll see an image of the two separate animals and then see them overlap in my mind.

        Kurt has made the foo fighters play on the local radio station at times when Sweetie & I were talking about them. I haven’t specifically asked him about them, though. I’ve read Dave Grohl’s biography “this is a call” and I really enjoyed it, so if you’re a fan of both bands I think you’d get a kick out of that book too… I did have to snicker a bit when Dave talked about making a list of all the things wrong with his life:

        – dude left my new band
        – wife is divorcing me
        – homeless
        – sleeping in a sleeping bag
        – no access to bank account

        Uh, dude, WHAT DID YOU DO TO PISS OFF YOUR WIFE? Probably starting a business and touring for the twelve months following your marriage, which closely followed Kurt’s death – did you cheat on her while you were on the road? do you see each other at all? Damn, it must’ve been something for her to lock you out of the joint chequing account. Oh well, what’s an autobiographical anecdote without some glaring, self-serving omissions, eh?

        Anyway, I still have the mad respect for Dave.

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