We’ve talked to dead rock stars about music, drugs, suicide and love; it’s high time we talked about sex!

Let’s start with John, what do you have to say for yourself?

J: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

I’ve heard from *several* other people that you can be a bit of a voyeur, a peaker, eh? I’ve booted you from the bedroom once.

J: Yeah, you can’t fault a lad for being interested. Maybe I’ll be a lesbian in my next life – looks like fun! (joking)

Oh gawd, you’re such a tease sometimes. It’s a common anxiety people have about spirits – are they watching me have sex? Or in the bathroom? Yeah, sometimes they are.

J: (John shows me it’s more about teasing than carnal, lustful sexuality, he does it because it’s fun, and he gets a reaction, and he enjoys the shock value of a prank like that.)

So we established that rule, no spirit company while Sweetie & I are in the bedroom. That’s all you have to do with spirit friends.

J: Unless you enjoy being watched!

I remember my friend Courtney telling me about talking to her dead friend while in the shower. He died in his early 20s, so his persona while talking to her in the shower was, of course, fairly lewd. Her response was, “Yeah, well, whatever gets you ghost-off!”

I thought that was hilarious, because seriously, what’s the threat? There is none, and if you want them to go away, just say so. Remember too you can always use psychic protection techniques to establish privacy boundaries if you’re worried or feel uncomfortable in the slightest. No reason to put up with that.

So John, can you still have sex in Heaven?

J: I prefer “making love!” And yes, one can.

Waiting for Yoko to get to heaven? Sorry if that’s intrusive.

J: That’s alright. Yoko, and other partners from past lives. Many are currently incarnated, and that’s really where my interest is, right now.

Uh, in incarnated women?

J: It’s more about the spirit, the soul.

You know, and I don’t mean to criticize, but the child of the 90s within me says that’s pretty cheesy, John.

J: I miss making love, grounded in physical bodies. It’s really the best part of being alive. One of the best. There’s just nothing else like it. Some souls incarnate specifically to experience sexual ecstasy. It’s unique to our planet; at least, the earthly style of love-making is quite unique.

How is it unique?

J: The bodies are heavier, earthier, (he gives me the feeling of bodies being tired after a good workout, the flush of adrenaline, the endorphin high.) On other planets it’s more like, (shows me an opera singer hitting a very high, beautiful note. It’s uplifting, but yeah, there’s a deep pleasure in the earthliness of physicality.)

I’ve heard you and Kurt remind us to have sex (make love! Pardon me!) at every opportunity.

J: It’s really what I miss most about the experience of having a body – with the obvious exception of loving my family. It’s a special sort of love, an energy that is created only in this way. (shows me a picture, two people, entwined.)

Did you and George want to say anything about groupies when the Beatles were taking off? Anything about Germany?

J: (smirk) I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. We were chaste young men, every one!

Kurt pops in. Kurt, what was with that poem you were reading to Sweetie this morning? (Sweetie woke up to Kurt reciting some poem about giving his microphone a blow job. He’s been coming up with stuff like this ever since I said I’d do a sex entry. Sex entry – thanks! Snort.) Kurt?

K: Oh that? Yeah, I was just being romantic. (joking)

Ha! When I asked her what she remembered of it, she said, “Something about the length of it, and it exploding on his face.”

K: It’s like I was saying earlier, you’ve got to fuck the music.

Oh yeah! Months ago, Kurt told Sweetie she needs to start playing the base again, and talked about how women in general are better base players than men because they have the capacity to take music into their bodies, literally fuck the music.

The visual for that really wasn’t as graphic as you’d think: he shows me how the base guitar, when the player is standing, hangs right over the womb, and so she can use her body to sense the finer variances in the vibrations, playing the instrument on a level that men are physically incapable of doing – music played in this way will speak an emotional truth that will reach people viscerally, in their guts, not intellectually through their ears and brains. It’s the sort of music Kurt always strove to play, and why he loved, admired and was totally turned on by female musicians. He sensed this magic when he was alive, even though he couldn’t actually see and describe what was happening until after he died.

K: when you love (art, creation, creativity, music, passion, drive to vent creatively) you’re fucking it. (shows me painting semen on his art – thanks for that buddy.) When you’re doing something real, you’re fucking it. When you’re creating something amazing, you’re fucking it. (Shows me pregnant womb.)

I get it, but it’s hard to describe. (Hard, oh haw-haw, you made me type “hard” let’s see how many more you can cram in, eh? Cram in! Another one!) (Kurt giggles – he’s got this snickering little huh-huh-huh! when he’s made a dirty joke and can’t contain his own delight. Usually he can deadpan his jokes, but sex jokes always get him. And ejaculation visual, thanks, you pulling out all the stops for me? Yeah, I’m not going to describe that one. Readers, use your imagination.)

Kurt, do you miss having sex?

K: (takes a drag on a cigarette, exhales) I prefer to say “fucking”.

Nice. Okay, do you miss fucking?

K: Yeah, absolutely I do. My favourite memories, my happiest times were when I was fucking a girl I loved. If I didn’t love her I was just too fucking nervous, but when I did love her, there was this comfort, you could just relax. (Shows me the happy joy of enthusiastic, rock-star fucking, the peaceful afterglow, bathed in mutual affection.)

Those visuals look more athletic than relaxing. (By the way, he’s not showing me faces because I don’t want those specifics, so I’m getting a lot of hair tossing around. Sigh – yeah, all sorts of hair Kurt, thanks! Kurt’s a really visual guy, with how he communicates; this conversation is going to make my third eye fall out.)

Oh yeah, Kurt, that reminds me! Sweetie found three references in your Journals to John Lennon’s penis – what is up with that??? (He drew the Virgins album cover and talked about it in separate entries, years apart. And despite myself, I typed “years” apart, not “thighs” apart, this is hard. Oh shit! I give up! Kurt snickers.)

You just have to respect a guy who puts his dick on his album. His cover was classified as porn! It’s fucking great! (As I type this, I hear Sweetie playing Kurt’s music in the other room, and right now he’s screaming “Marijuana! Marijuana!)

Am I getting this right: part of why you liked John’s naked album cover was because it pissed a lot of people off, and pushed a lot of boundaries?

K: Yeah, exactly. I kind of wanted to do that myself, but we had to settle for a baby’s penis. Chasing a dollar bill, you know, to make it obvious. We were being such whores!

Yeah, you’re not being facetious there, either. You are literally showing me whores turning tricks.

K: Not that I don’t have a healthy respect for whores. We’re all whores, it’s all about who you’re bending over for. I used to think about that, like, if turning tricks would’ve been an easier way to get money than playing in a band. (He’s referencing heroin here, too.) I knew I was too scared to actually do it, but I respected the girls who did. I knew you just had to be really strong to do that. (Shows / reminds me of Kathleen Hannah’s story about stripping to get the money to fix Bikini Kill’s tour bus.) Women do not get credit for being good whores.

Oh Kurt, as I typed that sentence, I just knew it’s going to get me in trouble. Care to elaborate some more? I know you hate it when your words are misconstrued.

K: I can’t believe I still have to do this.

Yeah, well you’re showing me what you mean, but other folks are just going to see the words. Please? Little help? (Oh gawd, I said little help, not little dick!)

K: Well that’s my little helper.

Thanks for sharing.

You looked like you needed to lighten up. Don’t fucking worry about it. If anyone’s confused, they can ask me. (Okay, so there it is: open invitation to ask Kurt to clarify his comment about giving women due whore credit.)

K: (rolls eyes) It’s like, putting yourself out there, (being vulnerable, you could get hurt, beaten up) and surviving, a lot of the time you’re surviving just through bravado. It’s something I did a lot (bravado, to gain respect of other rockers and even the fans). And it’s not easy, being physically smaller than someone and being aware of the possibility of getting beaten up. But you’re putting your body out there anyway, and it’s great, it’s amazing to just move past that fear. (He’s showing me a fear he had, which is unclear what it is exactly).

Okay guys, this is all the time I have to write today. How about we make Fridays for the next little while all about sex from your perspective in Heaven? I can see that Marley, George H (H for Hippy!) and George Carlin are ready to say things too. I think we’ll need a few entries (SIGH!) to uncover (ACK!) Oh my gawd, I’m just going to stop typing right now!

Have a great weekend folks, and if you’re in Canada, have a great LONG weekend! Yeah!