Strange Days

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A portal on the island from the “Something Happened” entry.

There is a woman named Tracey who is coming to town in a few weeks to teach about spiritual and energetic blocks, and the construction and use of physical tools such as pendulums and random trinkets, to release blocks and encourage progression, healing and spiritual growth.

I immediately knew I wanted to take the class, but i also knew that in order to understand it, I had to experience it. I called her up and arranged for a private session.

Tracey called me back and we chatted about what I wanted to work with; in my case, I’m aware of a long-standing block relating to my throat chakra and shoulders. The symptoms, for years, have been headaches, jaw-clenching in my sleep, knots behind my shoulder blades, chronic sinus and ear infections. I also know intuitively this relates to the anxiety I have relating to money. I’ve never been homeless or starving, but I live in fear of this sort of helplessness.

Tracey called me back and explained these were all separate issues that needed to be dealt with separately. My heart sank at that because I *knew* they were connected, and I also knew I couldn’t afford to pay for her professional services if we dealt with these as separate things.

But then, Tracey went into her intuitive assessment mode. I wish I understood what she was doing, or that she’d explained it. I reflexively block other people when they attempt to read me without my permission, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

As I felt her read my energy, I took a breath, grounded and then allowed it as she said “I’m just reading your energy.” Sometimes I want to tell healers they need to work on their communication, to put clients more at ease.

After she had an intuitive look at me, she said that while there was a lot going on, she could see a central block. She said it looked like a hand with many fingers, spreading into the multiple symptoms, affecting many layers of my life.

This assessment I could agree with.

We discussed payment for her treatment technique; it’s difficult to put a price on work we do in this field of New-ageish, spiritual, magical & energetic focus. We came to an agreement we could both afford.

Yeah, I said magical. Did I lose anyone? I had a brief interest in old-world, pagan-style spiritual and energetic practice. The big difference between a magic-worker who casts spells and a reiki master or energy healer is, in my opinion, intention and the use of objects.

People who identify as healers never use their energy skills for anything else. People who cast spells aren’t limited to a strictly healing scope, necessarily. That’s where the intention comes in.

Personally, I found the use of objects in traditional Wiccan or pagan spell-casting to feel clunky. Courtney, my beautiful witch friend, shared with me a powerful spell of protection to use in your home, to protect against unwanted visitors. It involved pennies, holding them in a flame and using the pennies to mark a protective boundary. You should leave the pennies in place, she said.

Well, I don’t like the idea of a cat knocking a penny off the windowsill and that affecting my psychic protection. Why would I use pennies when I can simply cast a circle?

If a room, a new apartment or a creepy haunted building is in need of some serious cleansing, my mother and I have used salt, bells, candles or if those aren’t available, we’ve used lit matches, the sulphur from the matches in place of incense and clapping our hands in place of bells.

I never hesitate to call in help from the other side, and in this way I am extremely well-protected. That awful boathouse next to our apartment which was attracting all sorts of lower-vibe creatures, the place my cat showed me images of animals getting skinned alive, and where our visiting psychic friend declared “this place is haunted as shit. ” The only elaboration he’d give was that he saw “bad men doing bad things.” Sometimes it’s best not to know the details and let the mental images lower your own vibration.

Sweetie and I used a huge container of natural rock salt, purchased cheaply as its meant for use on iced driveways. We called in help, invoked a clear intention and stated it out loud. We surrounded the boathouse with a circle of salt, surrounded it with a bunker of light and declared that with each tide cycle, the energy impressions and anything else energetic remaining from past events would be gently and completely washed away. We asked Angels to take up any remaining spirits or ghosts on the property ( we’d already helped two get to heaven).

We didn’t read how to do this in any particular book, it was a combination of the tools and skills we’ve acquired over the past decade or so of informal study. It was probably the biggest cleansing project we’ve taken on to date, but we had lots of help.

Did I ever mention that the property owner’s son died in our apartment almost ten years ago? He was much-loved, and everyone in town believed it was a suicide. Actually, I believe it was an accident. In any case, it took a year’s worth of concerted effort and the help of a local energy healer / space clearer to get that room to a point where it felt nice. Now, three years later, it’s actually the nicest room in the house.

Spells, energy work, these are real things in my opinion and experience. The world is truly an amazing and wonderful place.

So this brings me back to Tracey. I’ve worked with numerous Healers, reiki artists, reflexologists, a loving and gifted distance-healer. So far, their treatments have produced temporary relief, but whatever underlying issue, I’ll call it a block – it has remained. This means it’s something I’m perpetuating, myself.

Now, I know I’m perfectly capable of healing myself. We all are. But sometimes we lack the focus and self-discipline to really affect a lasting change in our pattern of choices, and sometimes outside help can really speed the process along.

It’s like joining weight-watchers. I think it works because you’ve slapped down some money, you’ve engaged the support of other people, you’ve REALLY set that intention.

This is the first time I’ve allowed someone else to use anything I’d describe as a “spell” to help me. Tracey wouldn’t describe it as spell-work at all; on her website, she describes her technique as “programming”. It certainly sounds less hokey than “casting”. It makes my problems sound like a computer virus – you just need the right software to locate and remove it.

But really, I think that a lot if our new vernacular – programming, setting intentions, like attracts like, saying you’re being guided to do this or that – its just new words to describe old work.

The principles are the same.

Tracey asked if we could start over the phone, which would give her a chance to make adjustments to the physical necklace before giving it to me when she’s in town. The process of constructing the necklace was REALLY COOL! I learned a new technique of communicating with my body, which is a lot like using a pendulum.

While the pendulum was being constructed, someone from heaven popped in to help. I interrupted Tracey to say, “there’s someone here, and she’s saying the one you want is at the bottom.”

Tracey dug through a box of stones. “is this it?” “yes.”

I’m really looking forward to seeing what she’s constructed.

Tracey said she’d “place the pendulum on me energetically” later that night. I told her when I was going to bed, and we arranged a time to speak later in the week.

That night, I woke up and became aware of this added thing working on my energy field. It’s subtle, not unpleasant, and I might not have noticed it if I wasn’t already in the habit of paying attention to these things. Most people just experience general fatigue.

I sat there for a half hour or so deciding whether I would allow this to work. Because I wasn’t sure how it was working, what it looked like or exactly what Tracey was doing, it wasn’t really comfortable for me. Im a person who is comfortable being in complete control and commanding changes myself. I’m not used to passive healing.

But really, that’s the benefit of using physical objects and enlisting the help of others – it allows you to just accept the help. I decided to accept it, I opened my psychic protection to allow it in, and I went back to sleep.

Things have been strange ever since. The first thing that happened was the next morning I got my period. I figured that made sense, and it was a pretty good period. I didn’t feel very tired and didn’t have much pain. I didn’t think much about it.

Later that day, someone called me to offer to purchase our dead car. We have a Chevy cavilier wagon that died of a head gasket issue. It’s been sitting for over a year, and would cost us $200 to get hauled away. Well out of the blue, someone offers us $50 to haul it away for us, to sell as scrap.

It’s not a big shift in the flow of money, but it was a start. I also finally got caught up with some paperwork that’s been hanging over my head, and Sweetie and I resolved to have a “money date” every friday night where we’d spend ten minutes looking at our budget and spending, decide what to spend in the next week, and pull cash. We would also buy lottery tickets and rent a movie as a reward for having the conversation.

Sweetie has also been called into the hospital for three shifts this week. Hurray!

I got a ticket from a smug cop in an unmarked car for not wearing my seatbelt while driving two blocks to my house. So money is going out the door too.

I decided that instead of getting a money panic, when I deal with money issues I will chant the mantra “I have enough money to meet all of my needs. I welcome the flow of money through my life. ”

It actually occurs to me that I’m still asking only for my basic needs to be met. Damn, that’s a deep-rooted block. I would like to have the river of money through my life support not only my needs, but also my pleasure. Dinners out, more gas money, traveling. I’ve got to get over the feeling like wanting that is greedy. I’m worth the money for fun road trips. I’m worth a winter trip to Hawaii and the occasional trail ride on horseback. I want to bring those experiences into my life.

Another strange thing that happened this week: one of my friendships exploded. I have a friend who’s been going through a rough time, and I’ve been worried about her mental health. The backstory to this is convoluted and personal, so I won’t get into details – suffice to say that my friend became enraged and felt betrayed that I suggest she consider the support of a counsellor.

My friend would say there’s more too it than that, and I agree. This is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I actually feel like my friend’s response – to terminate our friendship – is another illustration of the behaviour, decisions and thought processes that have me so concerned about her in the first place.

The significance in this event though is in my response. I didn’t respond to my friend’s condemnation with guilt and apologies. I stood up for myself. I told her that I am a good friend, I am trustworthy, loyal and I love her. I told her I would rather risk our friendship than risk the consequences of avoiding warning signs of a friend in crisis.

I was also aware of Kurt’s attention on the situation, him reminding me to stay in touch with my compassion and not be tempted to issue ultimatums (I’m a Aries so I was tempted to burn the bridge before she could). Leave the door open, he said.

This is an event that usually would have had me extremely upset, yet I feel oddly at peace with it. I’m glad I spoke my mind, and it felt good. I realize that part of my throat chakra issue is *restraining* myself. If I check my intentions, my grounding and speak through love, I am allowed and entitled to speak my mind when I feel I need to do so.

Tracey has called twice since our first conversation, and I haven’t returned her call yet. I wanted to sit with the energy at work and get a feel for it before speaking with her again. Honestly, I’m still not comfortable with this process. I wouldn’t say I’m doubtful, fearful, threatened, anything like that. It’s just that I need more explanation from the people working with me. This feels like something working *on* me. I’ll make use of my liberated energy flow to explain this to Tracey when I call her back, later today.

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