Girl I am not finished!
I’m sorry Bob! (I’m feeling pressured to do other things, Don’t worry about that, shows me a protective bubbly around us both.)
Bob, I cut you off.
You did, (laughing) and this shows (that I came through so strongly) you are really speaking to me! (acknowledging a resurgence of doubt I’ve been experiencing recently).
Thank you. How would you like to elaborate?
Go get a drink of water! (he says it like, WAT –TERRR!) Your brain is slow.
Okay, ready.
You know, (shows me violence against animals, elephant poaching in Africa) “heartless killing” (and shows me children in countries at war, who have been severely / permanently injured by the violence of war.
Yeah, I do know about that.
It’s the same. (The heartless killing of elephants, the heartless disregard of the innocent in warring countries.) We are ALL innocent, this is what we (must learn to) remember. (Shows me we can all remember this state of innocence in an instant, that place of an innocent child with no concept of “wrong”.) We are ALL that (innocent) child.
(In this way) our own innocence may answer the
Bob I don’t understand what you’re saying. (Trust what I am showing you!) Bob, you’re showing me we have an innocent child within us. This is almost a cliché to me, so I am setting my resistance to that aside, and I am looking at the innocent child within each of us.
He shows me this innocent, inner child living in our hearts. He assures me this is exactly what he means, he is very serious.
He shows me the child within us answering the souls of the children who leave our planet in a violent way. Allowing our own innocence that lives in our hearts to go out and restore those children who walked away from their bodies. (Shows me children’s bodies fading into the ground.)
What does that mean, the fading away of the bodies?
(It is temporary – the body – the state of suffering – it is temporary.) We all return to the innocence. (Callback to the “Love will eclipse all” entry.) (This is what it means when we say) those who have died are at peace.
These children (who have died) they are at peace. Their innocence is restored in heaven. (Bob shows me his face, tears running from his eyes. He gives me the feeling of, his compassion, reflected in the tears on his face, and shows me his heart connection to the children and their experience.
(Acts of) violence injures us all, this heart connection heals us all.
(We must) recognize when (we) have sustained an injury. (Shows me reading the paper). Recognize when (we) need healing. Ask (it will be given).
Reminds me there is no difference between all, and one. Shows me the connection to the children, shows me the connection to man holding the gun. There are injuries to all involved in violence, shows me injuries as an expansion outwards, shows me the healing as not an eraser of that energy expansion, but a further expansion.)
Bob is drawing all of these visual references; he’s working mostly in “downloads” so I’ll do my best here to translate it to English words.
(Laughs at English words, explains there are words in other languages which describe this concept in an instant. Shows me again it is our culture which creates a barrier to spirituality, explains silence is a place – meditation –
Woah, Bob slow down please, I’ve got to write this out. He just showed me a silent retreat, and explained that when you stop your inner words, you create space in your mind for these concepts. Understand that we are trained as children to think in words, whereas we can also learn intuitively through our hearts, and this is the best way to receive teachings from heaven, shows me George. Bob explains that we need to be aware when we’re trying to “think in words” and when we struggle with a concept, go into that quiet place of meditation and instead – it’s like he says “think with your heart” but ah! Know with your heart.
Know with your heart, these things (your intellect) cannot understand. Free your heart (your heart may connect you to the universe – he’s literally showing me other planets and people living there.)
Woah.
(Bob acknowledges my fear response, and my request to stop the information for a moment. Bob is being super-intense with his urgency.)
He’s not even letting me re-read this entry, he says, “We are done! Send it!”
Okay. This is an act of bravery here, not re-reading an entry before sending it out.
Thank you Bob, we love you.
We love you, my sister.
Kate Sitka 
Hey, I was just thinking about Marley yesterday!
I was out walking listening to my iPod and a Biggie song came on, and then this really great reggae song by a couple of women. Which had me thinking of Jamaica, and all of a sudden I was like, “Hey, where’s Marley been?” And here he is. 😀
I’ve been learning about innocence too. And I had a similar reaction because I always get that Enigma song in my head when someone talks about “innocence”. But it was that word exactly, that I should work on “cultivating innocence”. Or re-cultivating it. Something like that.
For me it came up in my ongoing “anger lessons”. The only way for me to really understand what innocence is was to see what it isn’t. So for me my example was that I’m a child at school, and someone takes something from me out of my hands, or says something mean to me. But I don’t actually care about it because there’s no context; I can easily replace the thing that was taken with something else, and the insult I’ve been given doesn’t really have any meaning to me for whatever reason. But then suddenly I’m surrounded by other kids and either they’re sympathizing and saying “Oh I can’t believe that happened to you, you should do something”, or they’re laughing. Either way I now feel embarrassed because I can see I’ve lost face. And now whether I do something or do nothing, there will be a chain reaction of repercussions. That’s the loss of innocence, feeling like just “letting it go” is no longer an option.
Maybe that’s what people really mean when they talk about forgiveness, or “turning the other cheek”, or “not letting it get to you”. Which are concepts I’ve always mistaken for martyrdom because they’re easy enough to explain in words but also open to so many interpretations.
I had a meditation recently in which I “went back to school” with Kurt and Sid, so I could feel like I had some friends at times when I felt like I didn’t. We went back to my middle school, Kurt was smoking and wearing those sunglasses he wears, and Sid was wearing his leather pants and sneering at people. (This is 1990 and Kurt is really amused because “these kids won’t know who I am for another year!”) And although no one else could see them I realized really quickly that none of these kids would think I was any cooler for hanging out with these guys, they’d just think that they looked like freaks and they’d probably just make fun of them too. So I did feel better about that. We walked around the halls and Kurt was like, “Hey, can we trash your school?” And I was like, “Umm, yeah. Obviously”. So he pulled this can of spray paint out of nowhere and drew this *huge* weiner across a whole row of lockers. And Sid pulled out a zippo and held it up to various things, leaving scorch marks and trying to see what was flammable.
Then I went back to the first day of Grade 1, when my best friend comes up to me and says out of the blue, “You’re not my best friend anymore, this girl is. But you can be my second-best friend”. Oh. Okay.
So Kurt comes up, still smoking and with the sunglasses and says something like, “Uh, hey kiddo, sorry you’re feeling sad…” (Thinks for a moment) “No wait, this is totally weird when I’m an adult isn’t it. Let me try something else”. He comes back as this 6 or 7 year old kid, offers me some of whatever snack he’s got for recess and asks if I want to draw pictures.
The *really* weird thing is that after that I was like, “Wait — didn’t something like that actually *happen* to me, though? I think I remember some kid doing that… Oh. Hey, you’re good! — that actually feels like a real memory”.
Anyway that’s been my experience lately with healing and innocence, which has been more on the personal level.
What you’re saying about understanding something with your heart, I get it. The image I have right now is of something like a flower, or a mandala. I have a sense of it expanding and contracting while somehow remaining static. It seems to be increasing infinitely in complexity and detail while remaining essentially the same and retaining the same proportions. That’s obviously a paradox, that something changes while remaining the same. My brain doesn’t understand it but my heart does. It’s a symbol for life. That, and how we look determines what we see. We can’t see all of it at once. I’m not sure if that makes sense or not.
Understanding with your heart, that’s the state of innocence I think. Marley’s really right about our limitations around these concepts in terms of language. Our cultural bias gets in the way too, if you look up definitions and synonyms of “innocence” and “naivety”, it’s pretty telling.
Anyway, I hope your day is going ok. 🙂
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“So he pulled this can of spray paint out of nowhere and drew this *huge* weiner across a whole row of lockers.” LOL!
“that actually feels like a real memory”. – Well now it *IS* a real memory. Know how John can go back and change a few small things to influence things like songs playing on the radio at certain times? Maybe Kurt went back and nudged a kid in your direction at that moment.
” The image I have right now is of something like a flower, or a mandala. I have a sense of it expanding and contracting while somehow remaining static. It seems to be increasing infinitely in complexity and detail while remaining essentially the same and retaining the same proportions. That’s obviously a paradox, that something changes while remaining the same. My brain doesn’t understand it but my heart does. It’s a symbol for life. That, and how we look determines what we see. We can’t see all of it at once. ”
Very well spoken, Sweetie. I think that’s exactly what I’ve been seeing too, but I haven’t been able to describe it.
My day is fantastic, actually. I’ve been making people laugh which I always enjoy. Today I put one of the narcotic “high alert” stickers on my forehead and totally deadpanned it as one of the nurses came into the pharm to talk to me. Like George Carlin, I’m keeping people alert!
I have this odd thought lately about people speaking at my funeral. It’s so weird, it’s like people telling stories about me after I just died, like “I remember she was working with a high alert sticker on her forehead, she liked to make people smile.”
And I also got this weird flash of being diagnosed with cancer and being told it was going to kill me, and me saying in my head and knowing in my heart, “No, this is not how I die.” Like I was incapable of fearing the illness, because I already knew the outcome.
So in that way, it’s been a bit surreal. I wonder if I’m shuffling through potential futures again.
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Oh, I forgot to say, they interrupt me sometimes too. Interject over my thought stream. It’s a subtle confirmation, but one that I appreciate. Sometimes I wasn’t aware that anyone was even listening to my inner monologue. Usually it’s when I’m being self-critical, and it’s some form of, “Well, I disagree”.
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