Last night, just before midnight, my cat Leo passed away.
It’s too difficult for me to write an entry about him. He was my first cat ever, my first pet on my own, he moved with me all over the place, has been a constant in almost 15 years of my life.
I am grateful his death was at home, in peace, with me right beside him for the last hours.
His last conscious gesture was to purr.
He is a golden soul, and I will remember him all my life. I will look for him the second I get to heaven myself.
Until then, he is in the loving care of my friends and family in Heaven. I want to express my eternal gratitude to them for helping us all through this, a process which can be so incredibly hard.
Even when you know they’re in heaven, even when you know they will visit, the absence a loved one leaves in your life when they die is something better felt than described.
I am going to take a little more of a break before regular, scheduled blogging resumes. Thank you for your understanding and compassion.
Kate.
Kate Sitka 
I’m so sorry Kate. It’s hard not to feel profound loss even with the knowledge and belief you are not really separated. Wishing you peace during this time.
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Thank you. I appreciate it.
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I just lost my female cat this past October-I had her for 19 years so I know exactly how you feel…
much love and light to you and we both know our ‘babies’ will be waiting for us when we pass to the next life….. : )
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Thank you. James Herriot used to talk about remembering periods of his life by the dogs who shared them; the beagle years, the lab years, the jack russel years.
The first part if my adulthood will be remembered as the Leo years.
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So sorry. You have my sympathies. I do understand, or at least can relate.
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Just a random thought…. as you can communicate with some critters now, would / will Leo come to you to let you know he’s okay, or maybe communicate intent to come back in some other form or fashion?
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Yes they do. Sometimes I need to wait until I’m healed from some of the grief before I can talk to them though. Mocha came back to visit almost immediately, and I had to ask her to go away and wait a week before visiting, because feeling her energy without her body was too sad for me at first.
On the other hand, Sunshine informed us last spring of her intent to bring in another white cat, who will be Sweetie’s childhood cat returned. I was all, “we can’t have three cats, so Snowball will have to wait.”
Well Snowball is coming, and he may be bringing a kitten friend. We may end up with three cats after all… Just because my loss of Leo has left a huge gap in my life, I need my own kitten too.
I’ve never had a kitten before, I always adopted adult animals, and I’m a big advocate of adopting adult animals… So we’ll see how this goes.
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Thank you for sharing that. My experience with a kitten has only been with the first and we got a full lifetime (16 years) with here. A concurrent house cat with the previously mentioned was all ready grown (she’s still around).
Then the next cat is a stray that came to me and is an inside / outside cat… my buddy. :0)
Since then, two more cats, at different times showed up, and those boys are outside only, by their nature. I have a little house for them on the patio, and feed them daily. And pet one of them. The other won’t let me close, and has lived a rough life.
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Everyone should live with a kitten at least once in their lives. 🙂
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Sweetie agrees 🙂
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Leo is okay, my great Aunt Ruth Hart showed up to take him to heaven. She’ll watch over him for me. I don’t even know if she liked cats when she was alive, but she’s making a point of saying that Leo doesn’t shed anymore, and he is a beautiful companion.
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Oh sweet friend, I am so sorry for your loss but happy for your 15 years of joy and love and cuddles and purrs. xo
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Thank you, martipants
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Losing a loved one, human or otherwise, is always hard. Even when you know they’re OK, they leave a physical hole in your life that just doesn’t go away. I’m sending you much, much love. Maybe our boys will get together over there. 🙂
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Perhaps they’ll meet up at the “cat temple” some of these guys talk about.
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My Dear Kate – my heart breaks with yours – I’m so sorry for your loss…….
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Thank you Tammie. I appreciate it.
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I’m so sorry. It sounds like Leo was really part of your life for a long time and I know that makes the parting even harder. I hope you are at least comforted knowing that he is indeed in a happy, beautiful place and will most likely come back and visit you as soon as he is able and you’re ready. That being said, I know it’s not the same without the physical body which we’re so accustomed to and comforted by. At least his spirit and energy will always be close by. I love the thought of our relatives watching over and being with our animal loves. I hoped for as much as myself and look forward to seeing quite a few feline friends when I pass over. I’m sure you’ll have many as well who will be eager to see you when you enter Heaven. It’s a comforting thought amongst the sadness of the loss. I wish you peace and healing thoughts.
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Thanks very much Sally.
Hey I finally finished “come as you are” while I was home sick. I really enjoyed it, thank you again.
I appreciated how Michael honored Kurt’s telling of his own story, even though Kurt was a bit if a bullshitter, Michael was never obnoxious about pointing that out. He was a fan and a friend, and I felt he had this genuine respect for Kurt, the band, the girlfriends etc.
It is a good balance to the “heavier than heaven” book.
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I’m so glad you enjoyed it! 🙂 I also appreciated that Michael was writing from the perspective of a respectable friend and not one of the many authors who have come afterword trying to make bank on Kurt & Nirvana’s fame, regardless of truth or not. “Come As You Are” is closer to the truth, even if Kurt seems to play with his perspective of honesty a bit. “Heavier Than Heaven” is indeed heavy and I still wonder how much is creative license filling in the missing gaps since Kurt’s clearly not doing too many interviews these days–outside of certain psychic websites–and Mr. Cross seemed to paint his own pictures and had only the word of Courtney to go on. I suppose using one’s own intuition is the best gap filler of all.
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