I’ve been thinking about grief, as I miss my cat Leo. A year ago, I lived with four animals. Last February, Mocha died in my arms a few hours after having a stroke. Almost two weeks ago, Leo died beside me.
After Mocha’s death, I experienced a surprisingly short period of painful grief, followed by months of getting used to her absence. I received some amazing remote healing during this time, and I was surprised, delighted actually, to be relieved of that painful, sucking chest wound of sadness.
This time, I find that sadness just keeps returning. Part of me is observing my own process, and wondering *why* I’m grieving for Leo so painfully.
Did I love him more? Is it because I had him longer? Was he *really* special? How might I grieve other losses in my life, compared to the ones in my past?
Sweetie suggested that I could ask for the same healing again… And i realized in that moment that I don’t *want* to stop hurting yet… Which was a surprising realization.
It’s like feeling the grief is a way for me to honour the love. It’s actually something I want to do.
Strangely, realizing this has lifted some of the heaviness from my heart. Until I’m ready to heal, I’ll have a lot of love right here.