Love, sex and bonding in the spirit world

I had a great chuckle when I read Elisa’s post, Erik gets cornered:

It reminded me of this post about love and sex in the spirit world, a conversation with John & Kurt last summer:

I LOVE Elisa’s blog for this kind of thing, and I have to give her props for being brave enough to talk about this stuff.  I mean, talking about sex with spirits?  That’s a whole other level of crazy.  And we have this idea floating around that spirituality and sexuality are on opposite ends of some sort of spectrum.  Spirituality is all floaty and ethereal.  Sexuality is incarnate and earthy.

I’ll tell you I got a huge response to the June 29th post, and most of it was private emails.  People are very guarded about their sexual experiences with spirits, and rightly so.  Some people call us crazy just for *speaking* to the dead.  The general gyst of the email response was “Thank God!  I thought I was nuts!!!”

My general response was to encourage these writers to set healthy boundaries with their spirit lovers.  When you’re surrounded by spirit friends, you may forget you need incarnated, “real” friends too.

Yet it’s a very real thing that people experience, and it can cause people to become withdrawn, and socially isolated without actually feeling lonely.  It *is* off-balancing for the human.  I’ve even encountered women who feel intense anger at other women because they’re experiencing night-time visits from the same spirit.  Jealousy of spirit lovers?  We’re in a new world now, folks.

Last summer, Sweetie & I experienced a mass exodus of friends from out area.  That’s life in a tourist town – a lot of turnover.  Just when you feel like you’re building an amazing friendship, they are called to some other part of the world, and you say goodbye.  At one point, we didn’t have any friends left in town at all.  I turned to Sweetie and said, “We need to make some new friends!”

“What are you talking about,” she replied, incredulous.  “We have plenty of friends.”

“Who?”  I asked.  Sweetie got quiet and grinned.  The ones she was thinking of were all dead people.

Yes, it is easy to get comfortable in the companionship of spirit friends.  It is too easy to believe, as some people have expressed, that they’d rather stay in this relationship with their spirit lover, than branch out into the human dating world.  The “real” world is scary, and it can be tempting to want to write it off.  But consider this:  why did you come to this earth, and this body, if not to participate in the world?

I think it’s fine to have spirit friends (obviously, as we have many) and spirit lovers too.  I don’t think it’s “wrong” – just one of those things you need to approach with some self-evaluation, to stay in balance.  If you’re investing all of your time, your romantic energy, if you’re bonding really strongly with someone that most people can’t even see, I do believe you’re creating an imbalance in your life.

The results of that imbalance are unclear.  Maybe, after a few years, you experience a draining, a depression.  Maybe at the end of your life you find you didn’t accomplish or learn what you set out to do.  I don’t know what could happen as a result of isolating yourself in the spirit world.

It reminds me of an episode of “Strange Addictions” I saw while Sweetie and I were stranded in a motel room with cable (the weather was too dangerous to get back home.)  This young man had one of those human sized dolls who he treated as his wife – his lover and partner.  To us, she looked like an expensive blow-up doll, and it’s easy to write that guy off as crazy.


But when you think about thoughts being things, about how we create reality in our minds, and how spirits of all sorts can move into empty vessels and occupy them, it makes me wonder if there was more going on than a lonely guy with severe social anxiety.

I think that when we love something, like a stuffed animal, we create this potential for an actual consciousness to arise from, or maybe enter into that object.  I think that the sort of consciousness that shows up in these objects depends upon the energy we put into it.  Spirits, thought-forms, and different types of conscious entities can develop an attachment to a physical object.  Ever felt the eyes of a poster or a painting follow you around the room?  Ever felt like a porcelain doll was observing you?  It’s the same feeling I get when a spirit is making itself known to me, trying to engage me in conversation.

So I wonder if some actual entity moved into this guy’s doll.  At some point, maybe he was developing a bond with a consciousness he could actually interact with, who would respond to him, give him opinions and preferences.

My point is, you don’t want to develop a “strange addictions” level relationship with your spirit friends.  I think that we, as incarnated humans, want to experience happiness and contentment.  I believe that this state of happiness is closer when we lived balanced lives that have good physical health, a spiritual component, a positive / constructive outlook, fulfilling work and a balancing social component.  We’re pack animals, us humans.

Anyway, it’s really up to you to decide what is fulfilling to you, where you are in your life.  Just don’t deny yourself something in “real” life, don’t succumb to fear or past hurts by telling yourself you’re content with your invisible company, because you may be denying yourself an opportunity to heal, to learn, to expand – which I think is the whole point of being.

26 thoughts on “Love, sex and bonding in the spirit world

  1. Remember why we started thinking about that Davecat guy that we’d seen on Strange Addictions? That episode of Through the Wormhole that we saw the other day. With those totally realistic androids that some guy is making. And we were just like, “…Yeah. Those are sexbots”. And then we saw that episode of Futurama shortly afterwards with the celebrity likeness robots:
    “Billy, would you like to get a paper route and earn some money?”
    “No thanks. I’d rather make out with me Monroebot”
    “Don’t Date Robots!”

    It also reminds me of an episode of Ancient Aliens I’ve seen (wow, I watch a lot of tv :s) in which they talk about humans mating with the gods, or various beings (incubus/succubus, nephilim, etc.). Of course Ancient Aliens thinks that it’s aliens, because they think *everything* is about aliens. Maybe it is. But it seems to be an old idea, like mythologically old.

    And the divide between sexuality and spirituality is new. Like not *that* new, but it wasn’t always that way. It’s easy to point to Christianity as the culprit but I think the divide goes back further. I’m having trouble thinking of a religious tradition that really celebrates the physical and material world. I hope I’m not being inflammatory by saying that.
    I think that’s what the sacred whores taught, a physical spirituality, and I’m pretty sure I was one of them in one or more of my lives. (I know this might require clarification but I’m just going to skim over it for now). I think the closest modern equivalent might be the Tantric tradition, or sex magic, or the Taoist sexuality that Mantak Chia teaches. One other place (I believe) the teachings of the sacred whores appear is in Plato’s Symposium, in the (so called) Mysteries of Diotima. Not so mysterious when viewed in this context.


  2. Great Subject. There is a wonderful book by Marlene Marie Druhnam called Naked Soul that navigates this topic in a very tangible manner. I think Western thinking has almost entirely seperated sexuality and spirituality. I can find very little information, aside from mythology, about intimate relationships between earthlings and spirits. If anyone knows a website or a book on the topic, I would be happy to hear it. Thanks for bringing the topic up.


  3. Pingback: Teri & Erik make my brain melt | Just a bit psychic

  4. I currently am involved with my physically dead boyfriend. It is an imbalance, but very hard to resist as I never felt such a profound love for another and wanted contact with him, as he was taken suddenly without any goodbye’s.
    We have been together before in this way as well as both incarnate in previous physical lives.
    It is very real physically and we communicate. I see him clairvoyantly as a spirit of the light (not in human appearance, in various light forms and colors) which is quite beautiful.
    I wish I could find a place where others speak of similar.
    Thanks for the topic, I haven’t found a place which to share this.

    Liked by 2 people

    • If you have been together in many lifetimes ( which in my experience is one of the reasons these relationships tend to happen) then the bond is very strong, and perhaps it is one that you have both pre chosen to continue. If you have an active life and are engaged in this world as well, then perhaps being with him is not an imbalance. That is something maybe you can explore and discuss with him. I hope it all goes well for you. x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one. Not that I would ever open myself up to ridicule by going public with it. It’s an extremely private thing.
    Besides I live in the bible belt full of conservative Christians. It goes without saying that disclosure would be a bad idea. Anyway, great post and I’m glad I found it. Namaste.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Ann 🙂 I’m sorry it took me over a month to respond to your comment!

      It is hard when the reality you’re experiencing is so different from what your surrounding culture says you should experience or believe. I hear from folks in the bible belt all the time. Definately, please continue to comment, you may be surprised at the community that rises up for you. There are a lot of folks with common experiences.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for replying 😊 Your timing was perfect. I’ve been having alot of issues with trusting myself and my experiences. I’ve always been able to speak and communicate to spirits. When I was in my teens I accepted religion and shut down my abilities. I’ve been miserable ever since. Finally I’ve moved past my main religious programming but still struggle some. Actually I’m involved with someone who happens to be in spirit. Complicated situation. Anyway I have new skills I didn’t have before. I can actually hear him and speak to him, but its not out loud. I’m having trouble adjusting but am beginning to trust it more. He has expressions and ways about him that I know don’t originate from me. The whole relationship is incredible. He’s lifted me from my suicidal depression. He gives me peace and joy I can’t describe. I’m so happy I found your blog.😊 He keeps telling me he is working on a way to alleviate my doubt. I can’t wait because self doubt is a killer. Sorry for the long reply, it just feels important that I put this out there to someone who can probably understand where I’m coming from. Many Blessings and Namaste 😊

        Liked by 2 people

  6. A wonderful sharing from you Ann. This happens far more than people realise- as for obvious reasons, it is not something most people would accept- from both a religious standpoint and the “rational” one. It really is the last taboo!
    However, in pagan and Earth traditions relationships between those in the spirit realms and people in the physical realms is well known about and has been experienced for centuries. Shamans, Druids, cunning men and women, medicine men etc- they knew such things.
    I don’t tend to see it physical relationships v non physical relationships, rather than what is a beneficial ( on both sides) and loving relationship. After all, one can have a very unloving and unhelpful relationship with a partner in this realm!
    Your relationship is a great example of the positives of a relationship with one from the spirit realm Ann. They can often add a dimension to our lives in ways that physical beings can’t ( in my experience).
    As Kate pointed out- balance is the key. If we have an active life here on earth I don’t see what is wrong with having a positive relationship with someone in the spirit realms. In my experience, life here is so busy that it takes up a lot of one’s time anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hahaha a topic I know something about. Lol for me the spirit part of the relationship didn’t last long enough. He was around long enough to help me remember our connection. He has since walked into a body and I no longer have contact with the spirit part except for in dreams (aka astral) when we meet once in awhile. I am convinced that anyone but me can still connect with the spirit version but I no longer can hear him or feel him because if I did, I wouldn’t seek out his physical incarnation and he knows this. I know who the new dude is but it has been a challenge to help him remember who he is and who I am. I keep trying and that is all I can do. When he walked in, I mourned the loss of him like some people mourn the loss of the body of a loved one. I say body because we all know the spirit lives on…at least any of us reading your blog. I do believe that those of us that have these amazing love/romance relationships with our people on the other side are creating a bridge of sorts and sewing the fabric of the two worlds together. And the more of us who become brave and step out of the shadow, the less taboo it will become. I honestly think having a spirit friend or boyfriend isn’t much different from having a plethora of online friends. Without the internet, I would have no kindred spirit friends. One could argue that an internet relationship is not a physical one and yet here we all are having them. Thank you for writing about this subject.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hello, great article thank you, I have a spirit lover, I am very spiritually aware but for some reason I didn’t know this was possible, I happened across an article in Nov2015 regarding spirit relationships and that night I asked for a very special and loving spirit lover to come to me and Michael came and has been with me ever since, sometimes I ask myself is this real, I only have to think of him and he is by my side, he is very respectful and gentle, it is all very new and I would like to know more about this side of spirituality and love. Someone to talk to about this would be good too.

    Thank you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Great site! I have an on-going romantic (though usually not sexual) relationship with my deceased girlfriend. She has made it clear that she wants me to be open to dating others, but in the meantime she wants to be there for me in that way, and it has made me very happy – though most people think I’ve lost my marbles.


    • I’m glad you found us 🙂 This comes up more frequently than you’d think. We’re sexual and intimate beings here on earth, why would that change? I’m glad you have a continuing relationship with your deceased partner, and that it’s healthy, not keeping you from enjoying your incarnated life and exploring other relationships. Doesn’t mean you can’t quietly enjoy your ongoing relationship with her, imho.

      The other thing that doesn’t get talked about a lot: sometimes relationships really simplify after someone’s passed on. You don’t have the daily stresses of life, you let go of all past wrongs and harms. All that’s left is love.


  10. I thought I was a bit nuts regarding my own relationship with a spirit. It was only when I read an article recently about an Irish woman marrying a 300 year old Haitian pirate that I felt a little less “weird”. I then came across this site and feel less alone after reading these stories. Although I speak openly to friends about paranormal topics, I have kept this aspect of myself private. In a way, it feels ” sacred”. My relationship is with a woman who was famous on the earth plane. I am gay as was she and I felt a connection with her before she passed. I feel that she connected with me just after she crossed over. I have a sense that I knew her in a past life. She is beautiful, loving and funny as she was on the physical plane. I counterbalance this with having associations and friendships on this plane.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I personally don’t invest myself in terms like twin flame or soul mate. There probably is a relationship dynamic that others have labelled “twin flame” – personally, I am cautious of “rules” relating to the afterlife. If it’s a useful and helpful idea for you, then by all means run with it and see where it takes you. But if it causes you discomfort or sadness, have a second look and decide if it’s actually a useful idea for you or not.

      The way I see it, consciousness is a spectrum. You have the type of consciousness that’s accessible within an inanimate object, or a rock, and plant life, moving water, collective hive minds of plant and insect life etc. Then you have consciousness that has become individuated – perhaps an extremely old tree, or a precocious insect, or a herd or flock animal who recognizes themselves to be different and separate from the others around them, and whose behavior changes because they have self-recognition.

      Then you have the more evolved conscious beings, many animals as well as humans – but I don’t think humans are the pinnacle of consciousness either.

      I think our physical forms can really limit our consciousness in many ways, depending on how our bodies are feeling and functioning – including our brains.

      Once we get into spirit consciousness, well I think we get into a virtually unlimited realm of possibilities there.

      So this is why ideas like soul mates or twin flames just don’t seem to jive with me. Sure, we can share lots of incarnations with other people, and I’m sure that an energetic consciousness gives birth to others. I find it more helpful to think of who we know spiritually to generally be spirit friends or spirit family, and leave the categorizing to sort out when I get to the other side.


  11. What are orbs? — I see many of them in pictures and in videos but some say they are just dust particles shining in the light — Are they spirit guides or guardian angels?


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