Still figuring it out…


This year I decided I am done with illness, that I was going to become healthy for the rest of my life. I’ve been not unhealthy exactly, but in general I tend to get those viruses, I seem to wear out faster than other people like me. I don’t get *really* sick, generally, just run down enough to force a break for a day or two.

I know, as a kid, being home sick was one of the only ways I could get peace, rest and relief. Generally, as my parents worked and my sister went to school, I’d have the house to myself. Being home sick was the only way I could get peace and quiet.

I know there are some patterns and beliefs I’m pulling forward from childhood, and I understand that I can change my beliefs, and stop manifesting / creating /succumbing to every little virus that comes my way.

The ironic thing is since I declared this intention, I’ve experienced more illness than I have in almost ten years. Which tells me I’m on the right track… Manifesting more of what I don’t want is apparently a common side effect of creating a change in a deeply engrained pattern in your life.

So I’m on to something… I just need to figure out what, or what action I need to take.

Now, I’m off to the doctor for the first time in five years.

5 thoughts on “Still figuring it out…

  1. The whole notion of manifesting more of what you don’t like, so that you can change ingrained patterns is kind of a mind blowing notion to me. I never knew that to be a common side effect of creating change, and yet now that I think about it, it’s so true! You have to be really clear about what you don’t want, to get super specific about what you do want.

    Anti-oxidant rich foods I find are really healthy for the immune system and a supplement of Sambucus (black elderberry extract) is great for immunity. I also need deep sleep to restore my body. There is no replacement for good sleep. The work you are doing is so enlightening, and i am learning so much from you, but you must be gentle with yourself. Get better. I’m sending you healing energy.


    • Thanks Lainie 🙂

      Actually, I’m beginning to understand that putting ANY focus at all on what you don’t want, is probably part of perpetuating the problem.

      It’s a common issue with animal communication too – you say to an animal “Don’t jump on the couch!” But what you are actually picturing in your mind is the animal jumping on the couch… so the animal jumps of the couch. What you want to say is “Keep all four feet on the floor” or “relax in your bed” etc.

      What I’ve been saying, inadvertently is “I don’t want to be sick anymore. I’m done being sick. I’m ready to be healthy.” See what I did there?

      It’s surprisingly difficult to actually say and *believe* “My body heals completely every night. I listen to my body’s needs. I set healthy boundaries that honour my body and my energy. I take care of myself. I heal myself. I am healthy.”

      Damn if it’s tough to keep the “I don’t want to be sick” thoughts out of there!

      I’ve started writing a manifestation journal, and added some affirmation pages, to write down what I believe, and beliefs I want to create. Actually, Kurt popped in briefly as I was writing to tell me to write a thank you letter for the job I am going to get. It’s funny, as I was writing this thank you letter, I was noticing blocks I have – what is this regular job that I would love doing, that ties into my psychic work? What is it exactly that I would be doing that would inspire such an enthusiastic and sincere thank you note?

      Kurt did that stuff all the time in his journals, writing out interviews and album notes years before they came to be, except instead of gratitude notes, he wrote sarcasm notes.


      • I do that with fear. It will creep up and paralyze me. I have just decided to not talk to it. I just try to disengage the conversation. I think I read from shape of a cloud blog, Eric was talking something about how we smoke the fear crack. So now, I visually try to put the fear crack pipe down. It’s so tempting though. It has just been a pattern… Also, since I have had babies, I have put on weight, that is SLOWLY creeping away. I am just trying to visualize my thinner self, and stop focusing on the weight I need to lose. All I see is weight, weight , weight….

        As for jobs you are going to get. I so believe it. i feel you have a beautiful road ahead of you, replete with fulfilling opportunities. You have a lot to give to the world. I feel grateful to have stumbled along your blog.


      • Aww thanks Lainie, I really appreciate that.

        Yeah, fear is a biggie for me too. I’m working on recognizing the boundaries set by fear, and deciding if that is keeping me back from something I want. Then I’m working on replacing the “fear” boundaries with loving boundaries I create for myself out of self-respect and self-love.


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