Teri & the Farts of Life

Last month, I had an amazing reading and met a woman on the other side called Teri. (This was her name in her last life, and she still loves it.) I had such a blast talking to Teri, and her energy, optimism and fierce, merciless sense of humour charged me and the rest of my day.

That night, Teri popped back into my house, and whispered in a mock-horror movie voice in my ear, “I am not done with you yet!”

There are few spirits, even the near and dear ones, who make so much damn noise in my head that I can’t possibly ignore them. John was one. Erik was another. Teri, is the third.

I emailed my client and asked if it would be alright to speak to Teri and write about it on the blog – she gave me a wonderful response in return, and thought it was beyond gracious for me to ask permission to be friends with her friend. Well, you know I just like to make sure all is well in the world. J, know that when Teri is talking to me, she’s also talking right to you! You *know*.

When I sat down to write this entry, I was feeling depressed and stressed out. I was pretty damn close to tears, actually. Teri charged me right up!

Hey Teri J Girl, I could use your energy right about now!

(rides by on a bike) oh girlfriend! You just gotta move faster! You can’t smell the farts of your life if you just ride right through ‘em!

You are a genius Teri.

That’s why I need to be a part of your blog, girl. It’s a damn weiner-fest up in here!!!

It fucking is, no offense guys. I wondered about that, why most of the people I seemed to connect with were presenting as men.

Mmmm-hm! That’s just because you (prefer the energy, the upbeat energy) that men tend to have, because no one told them to shut the fuck up when they were little boys. People tell me to shut up sometimes – do you think I listen? HOOOOOOO NO! I get LOUDER! AND I LAUGH MORE! Because you know people that tell you to shut up just need a little joy in their lives, so I show ‘em what it looks like – HA HAAAAW!

Teri, you have just brought up my whole mood.

Girlfriend, you are too fucking SENSITIVE. WHO GIVES A SHIT what anyone else does? ARE YOU FINE? Of course you’re fine! Sometimes all you gotta do is say “I’M FUCKING AWESOME – AND Y’ALL HAD BETTER KEEP UP!”

That’s so awesome. I love the “farts of your life” thing. Next time someone irks me, I’ll just think “Ha, my life just farted! I’d better move on FAST!”

Now you got it, girlfriend! Now, I have got to tell you that I’ve read every single one of your blog entries here and I am FUCKING IMPRESSED.

I’m flattered, and I have to say it’s weird posting on my blog that one of my spirit friends thinks my blog is awesome.

HA HAAAW! SEE!!!?? THAT is the kind of shit I’m talking about – who gives a shit what other people think??!! That is why I’m here my friend, I’m your Guardian Fucking Angel! HA HAW! I always wanted to be an angel – I’m an angel on a Harley Davidson! (Shows me Teri with angel wings and black leather chaps – and nothing under the chaps – riding a Harley Davidson chopper, and her wings are tucked behind her but could open up with the speed of the bike, causing her to fly)

Very cool!

This is the photo Teri likes, after we went through a bunch of “angel riding motorcycle” pics. Just imagine this girl with wings driving that thing full-out. That would be Teri! She appreciates the contrast of the cross in this pic.

So here’s the thing – your blog, girlfriend, it’s awesome, but you know it needs yours truly to make it spectacular – because I have SOME STORIES TO TELL OVER HERE! Whoo! First of all, you know I’ve been to Bob Marley’s Grotto HA HAWW! And that’s all I’m gonna say about THAT!

So, here’s the (air quotes) “teaching moment”: You gotta look at your fears, girlfriend. Whenever you have a thought about something someone else should be doing, look at your fears, and tell me where that thought is coming from. You re-focus on what *really* matters to you, what you really want to do with your life. You want to go to Hawaii? So you go to Hawaii, what is this shit about needing money to get there? Start checking out the cost of flights, girl, it is not that much! Not if you just want to get your ass there! And you can wear shitty jeans for a year and shit like that, because do you really care about your jeans, or your life experiences? Are you going to remember what covered your ass 10 years from now? Do you remember what you wore 10 years ago?

That’s one of the things you do, my best-bitch-friend. You self-sabotage by convincing yourself there is something you need to be doing with your money other than what you fucking love doing. So you think about that, and you write about the New Urban Lifestyle. Why’d you think I loved to gamble so much??

BECAUSE IT WAS LIFE-AFFIRMING! I LOVED IT! I still play cards up here, on the YAUGHT! So don’t you miss one second of balancing the things you have to trade for your experiences, because the second you die, money stops being a problem – you can magic anything you want into existence. See, you created this thing you’re going through, and I’m enlightening you because I’m your guardian pussy-powered kick-ass Harley-from-hell ANGEL! I know shit! HAA HAWW!!!

First off, when you feel tired or bad, I’m here telling you that there is FEAR somewhere at the bottom of it. Root it out, and string it up by the balls, and leave it on a fence as your roar away on your Harley of bravery, because you can’t be brave unless you’re scared shittless, my friend. And you don’t GET scared when you’re dead, you just DON’T! So this fear is a mutha-fuckin’ gift from HEAVEN, if you want to get all spiritual with it. Really, it’s a gift you’re givin’ to yourself. This time, this incarnation.

I AM DONE! DONE FOR NOW, but I’ll be back! HA HA HA HA HAAA!

Thank you so much Teri, I feel awesome now.

(funny right after I wrote this, I ran into the only other woman I know named Teri.)

6 thoughts on “Teri & the Farts of Life

  1. WOW! I am still laughing, giddy, grinning, and my joy meter just went through the roof. Thank you for sharing. Have any doubts, Teri will flush ’em right out…:-)


  2. She is such a stitch!! LOVE Teri! But, what she said really did resonate with me — about when you feel tired or bad, there is fear at its root. Whoa. I’m really going to have to dive into some areas of MY life with that perspective. Thanks for sharing — I love the boys too, but it’s nice to hear all of that attitude from another girlfriend! 🙂


  3. Pingback: Teri & Erik on Blondes in the Afterlife | Channeling Erik®

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