I just had the chance to read up on what Erik’s been talking about these days. (I liked the “shit” talk, btw. The flowers reference.)
I totally get where he’s coming from on the ego thing. It’s a funny dance on our end of things between what is healthy and what is unhealthy. And nothing reeks of ego more than someone telling me how they’ve “released” their ego and about how spiritually advanced they are! I’m just rambling now, but you know what else gets me? When someone says their life has sucked SO badly that they KNOW this is their last life. What, because I don’t think this life sucks completely that I am not on my last life? Or I’m not as spiritually advanced as they are? What they ought to do is go to some third world country where the kids are starving and have flies in their eyes. Those people would be the most advanced in the Universe then, right?
Well, anyway. I am sorry for people who have had challenging and rotten lives. But I don’t think that designates your soul’s progression or how far long you are. And I think we should all live this life like it’s our last.
I actually had someone tell me they “hoped I would find peace” with this shitty thing that had happened. The implication being: “I am at peace with this, and if you are emotionally / spiritually advanced enough, you would be peaceful too.” Sweetie and I were talking about this just last night!
Sure, peace is something you hope to get eventually after experiencing your whole human emotional process, but it’s completely inappropriate (and reeks of ego) to say that to someone who is grieving a death, for example.
On the other hand, it is possible to detach from the “wrapped up in emotion” process, and view it from above. I love this technique and have used it to manage conflict, crisis and stress. It’s also a technique useful when learning mediumship. You have to understand the difference between “you” and “your emotions” or “you thought stream”. That thing in your head that says “What thought stream?” is different than the you that observes that thought. Our consciousness is multi-faceted, and learning to manipulate the hologram of our experience is really useful.
But more “evolved”? Come on. It’s just a skill, like learning to drive.
I’ve heard that “last life” thing too, which is actually really funny: last life where? What planet? What timeline? What life form?
It’s interesting, because in India it’s the poor suffering people who are considered spiritually inferior. It’s believed to be self-evident, because they were born into a life of suffering instead of being born into a family with money or other advantages, therefore they must be living out some sort of karmic debt. To move this karmic debt, these poorest people in the country actually GIVE what little they can scrape together to the RICH people, because it’s supposed to help ensure they get a better life next time around. (If someone knows more about this please feel free to jump in – I’m just remembering something I read about a guru and his family)
It’s funny how we’ve come around to believing the opposite – that if you’ve suffered more, you’re spiritually superior. It’s all linear thinking. If you apply ideas like circles or fractals to spirituality instead of start-middle-destination, then there doesn’t have to be a judgment of a person’s spiritual place relative to other people.
I personally believe I designed my own life with exactly the advantages and disadvantages I need to create the experiences I want. So when I’m experiencing strong emotion, or I’m looking back on it, I try to think about what the lesson in that might be, what I need to learn and do differently so that the lesson stops repeating.
And yeah, I agree the need to define your own lack of ego for other people is deliciously, ironically egotistical. Why do you care that they know this about you?
The awesome thing is out here, I have had the great privilege to make friends with people who make a daily practice of being present, accepting and generally zen. I’m not talking your poser yoga teacher, these are real beautiful people who have made self-awareness a priority. I am a messy spaz next to these people, and I love being around them.
Right before I read the post with you & Erik the other day, I had a blatant ego moment with George. I’d read a story about him that I’d never heard. He was probably in his late teens or early twenties. He went to a party with some old friends shortly after the Beatles hit it big. He was with his friend Rory. He’d dated his sister before and it was her birthday party. Anyway, they were playing a game. All the girls chose a fruit to represent who they were. (Crazy English game. God only knows.) Anyway, by the time George and his friend arrived all the prettiest girls had been chosen. George looked at the remaining “fruit” and said he wasn’t very hungry.
My first reaction was amusement, even though I felt badly for the girls. Can you imagine what an ego blow that was? George Harrison would rather not kiss anyone than you? But it was honest, brutally honest, on his part and he was a kid. We all know he was no saint and had that hard Liverpool edge to him. But I found as the day wore on, that story kept creeping up. Finally I brought out what was nagging him, and I’m sure he was just waiting for it. “So what did those other girls look like? Would you have passed me by? I’ll bet you would have. But that’s ok, I’m glad you had your pick of all the finest girls.” And really, I am. I love him deeply. I’d want him to have the best life imaginable. His life wasn’t “easy.” Was it blessed? Surely. So is mine. But can you imagine, if your life was only measured by your best and worst moments? And if you were defined and identified by those moments alone? How anyone famous on that sort of scale escapes not being completely screwed up I don’t even know. I think George turned out amazing. I wasn’t looking for a savior, or for perfection. What I needed was someone to identify with, to feel comfortable enough with his known mistakes to release mine. It surely didn’t stop the rain of tears after I confronted him about those girls and how I would have measured up or not measured up. And it is truly a moot point since we were never destined to meet in the physical world with him in a human body. Then I realized how silly it all is, all of it. Identifying ourselves based on these bodies, our rental cars. But I still couldn’t help it. It wasn’t fair to him, digging up this old fossil tale from his youth. I made my share of mistakes and some were surely just as carelessly hurtful.
I felt compelled to share this story…why? I don’t know exactly. It fits with the Ego topic. And the human urge to compare and rate ourselves against one another.
About your India story, a friend of mine went to India with his dad when he was a kid. He went out of the hotel and there was a girl his age standing there, grinning at him. She was obviously very poor, literally living in a cardboard box with her family. He asked her what she was smiling about. She said “When I die, I’m going to come back as a rich American.” It freaked him out. He went back in and didn’t want to come out again. That’s an interesting point though, how we’ve reversed that.
I think emotions are very human. And if you close them off, you’re not processing anything. You have to acknowledge them, release them, and figure out what they mean and what you can learn from them. It’s like being in shape physically. Going up a steep hill, everyone is going to get out of breath a little. They say you’re in shape when you get your breath back more quickly.
Oh man. John on any given day could be epic harsh in those days. And there could be a variety of reasons why he said what he did…from an ego standpoint, he had his own reputation, how he was thought of in front of the other “guys,” all that stupid testosterone crap that I am so glad I didn’t have to participate in. I also noticed when I reread my post that I said “Finally I brought out what was nagging him.” What I meant to say was I brought out what was nagging ME! So maybe it went both ways. I’m sure it’s stuff that he’d long forgotten and hurting my feelings is surely not on his current agenda. But it was good, it helps me face these issues that I thought I was long over…and I love him because of his human “flaws,” not in spite of them, you know?
That’s nice about hearing “Let it Be.” I get that one a lot, I find it calms me down. Often I’ll hear it when I’m upset or on a rant on something out of my control. That and “Strawberry Field Forever.” Nothing is real…and nothing to get hung about. I love being around those two. They bring me great joy.
Kate Sitka 
I just had the chance to read up on what Erik’s been talking about these days. (I liked the “shit” talk, btw. The flowers reference.)
I totally get where he’s coming from on the ego thing. It’s a funny dance on our end of things between what is healthy and what is unhealthy. And nothing reeks of ego more than someone telling me how they’ve “released” their ego and about how spiritually advanced they are! I’m just rambling now, but you know what else gets me? When someone says their life has sucked SO badly that they KNOW this is their last life. What, because I don’t think this life sucks completely that I am not on my last life? Or I’m not as spiritually advanced as they are? What they ought to do is go to some third world country where the kids are starving and have flies in their eyes. Those people would be the most advanced in the Universe then, right?
Well, anyway. I am sorry for people who have had challenging and rotten lives. But I don’t think that designates your soul’s progression or how far long you are. And I think we should all live this life like it’s our last.
Rant over.
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Hey Sara! Yeah, I totally get you there.
I actually had someone tell me they “hoped I would find peace” with this shitty thing that had happened. The implication being: “I am at peace with this, and if you are emotionally / spiritually advanced enough, you would be peaceful too.” Sweetie and I were talking about this just last night!
Sure, peace is something you hope to get eventually after experiencing your whole human emotional process, but it’s completely inappropriate (and reeks of ego) to say that to someone who is grieving a death, for example.
On the other hand, it is possible to detach from the “wrapped up in emotion” process, and view it from above. I love this technique and have used it to manage conflict, crisis and stress. It’s also a technique useful when learning mediumship. You have to understand the difference between “you” and “your emotions” or “you thought stream”. That thing in your head that says “What thought stream?” is different than the you that observes that thought. Our consciousness is multi-faceted, and learning to manipulate the hologram of our experience is really useful.
But more “evolved”? Come on. It’s just a skill, like learning to drive.
I’ve heard that “last life” thing too, which is actually really funny: last life where? What planet? What timeline? What life form?
It’s interesting, because in India it’s the poor suffering people who are considered spiritually inferior. It’s believed to be self-evident, because they were born into a life of suffering instead of being born into a family with money or other advantages, therefore they must be living out some sort of karmic debt. To move this karmic debt, these poorest people in the country actually GIVE what little they can scrape together to the RICH people, because it’s supposed to help ensure they get a better life next time around. (If someone knows more about this please feel free to jump in – I’m just remembering something I read about a guru and his family)
It’s funny how we’ve come around to believing the opposite – that if you’ve suffered more, you’re spiritually superior. It’s all linear thinking. If you apply ideas like circles or fractals to spirituality instead of start-middle-destination, then there doesn’t have to be a judgment of a person’s spiritual place relative to other people.
I personally believe I designed my own life with exactly the advantages and disadvantages I need to create the experiences I want. So when I’m experiencing strong emotion, or I’m looking back on it, I try to think about what the lesson in that might be, what I need to learn and do differently so that the lesson stops repeating.
And yeah, I agree the need to define your own lack of ego for other people is deliciously, ironically egotistical. Why do you care that they know this about you?
The awesome thing is out here, I have had the great privilege to make friends with people who make a daily practice of being present, accepting and generally zen. I’m not talking your poser yoga teacher, these are real beautiful people who have made self-awareness a priority. I am a messy spaz next to these people, and I love being around them.
LikeLike
Right before I read the post with you & Erik the other day, I had a blatant ego moment with George. I’d read a story about him that I’d never heard. He was probably in his late teens or early twenties. He went to a party with some old friends shortly after the Beatles hit it big. He was with his friend Rory. He’d dated his sister before and it was her birthday party. Anyway, they were playing a game. All the girls chose a fruit to represent who they were. (Crazy English game. God only knows.) Anyway, by the time George and his friend arrived all the prettiest girls had been chosen. George looked at the remaining “fruit” and said he wasn’t very hungry.
My first reaction was amusement, even though I felt badly for the girls. Can you imagine what an ego blow that was? George Harrison would rather not kiss anyone than you? But it was honest, brutally honest, on his part and he was a kid. We all know he was no saint and had that hard Liverpool edge to him. But I found as the day wore on, that story kept creeping up. Finally I brought out what was nagging him, and I’m sure he was just waiting for it. “So what did those other girls look like? Would you have passed me by? I’ll bet you would have. But that’s ok, I’m glad you had your pick of all the finest girls.” And really, I am. I love him deeply. I’d want him to have the best life imaginable. His life wasn’t “easy.” Was it blessed? Surely. So is mine. But can you imagine, if your life was only measured by your best and worst moments? And if you were defined and identified by those moments alone? How anyone famous on that sort of scale escapes not being completely screwed up I don’t even know. I think George turned out amazing. I wasn’t looking for a savior, or for perfection. What I needed was someone to identify with, to feel comfortable enough with his known mistakes to release mine. It surely didn’t stop the rain of tears after I confronted him about those girls and how I would have measured up or not measured up. And it is truly a moot point since we were never destined to meet in the physical world with him in a human body. Then I realized how silly it all is, all of it. Identifying ourselves based on these bodies, our rental cars. But I still couldn’t help it. It wasn’t fair to him, digging up this old fossil tale from his youth. I made my share of mistakes and some were surely just as carelessly hurtful.
I felt compelled to share this story…why? I don’t know exactly. It fits with the Ego topic. And the human urge to compare and rate ourselves against one another.
About your India story, a friend of mine went to India with his dad when he was a kid. He went out of the hotel and there was a girl his age standing there, grinning at him. She was obviously very poor, literally living in a cardboard box with her family. He asked her what she was smiling about. She said “When I die, I’m going to come back as a rich American.” It freaked him out. He went back in and didn’t want to come out again. That’s an interesting point though, how we’ve reversed that.
I think emotions are very human. And if you close them off, you’re not processing anything. You have to acknowledge them, release them, and figure out what they mean and what you can learn from them. It’s like being in shape physically. Going up a steep hill, everyone is going to get out of breath a little. They say you’re in shape when you get your breath back more quickly.
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My reaction to your George story: young guys can be such shits sometimes.
As well, maybe he just didn’t want to kiss anyone. Still, it was unkind phrasing. But whatever, we’re all flawed to perfection.
I’m pretty sure John could be quoted for much worse!
Funny, after driving our new little red car just now, we went into the grocery and “let it be” was playing.
🙂
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Oh man. John on any given day could be epic harsh in those days. And there could be a variety of reasons why he said what he did…from an ego standpoint, he had his own reputation, how he was thought of in front of the other “guys,” all that stupid testosterone crap that I am so glad I didn’t have to participate in. I also noticed when I reread my post that I said “Finally I brought out what was nagging him.” What I meant to say was I brought out what was nagging ME! So maybe it went both ways. I’m sure it’s stuff that he’d long forgotten and hurting my feelings is surely not on his current agenda. But it was good, it helps me face these issues that I thought I was long over…and I love him because of his human “flaws,” not in spite of them, you know?
That’s nice about hearing “Let it Be.” I get that one a lot, I find it calms me down. Often I’ll hear it when I’m upset or on a rant on something out of my control. That and “Strawberry Field Forever.” Nothing is real…and nothing to get hung about. I love being around those two. They bring me great joy.
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