I’ll do it my way. And your way too!

Night before last, I set up the coffee without putting any grounds in the basket. I had nice hot water in the morning.

Last night, I dumped the grinds in *without* putting the basket in first – all the grounds fell on top of the carafe below. Made a bit of a mess.

I was sensing a coffee-themed trio of ridiculousness. This morning, I put on a loose pair of scrub pants… backwards. That’s not the funny part. I didn’t NOTICE until I’d walked around in them that way for a while.

The really sad part is this is not the first time I’ve left the change room with my pants on backwards! I think I did the same thing last month! I may not have blogged about it… which brings me to my little conundrum of the day, and I’d love to bounce this off you awesome folks, and see what you think:

Every once in a while, I re-evaluate how I’m managing the blog, my business, and now the podcast – I want to make sure I’m accomplishing what I want to accomplish, and I take notes on how my approach differs from others with similar goals.

One thing that really separates my personal blog from most psychic’s / intuitive professional websites is that I share the good and the bad – I don’t over-share my personal life, but I try to strike a balance between professional positivity and sharing what I, as a human being, am experiencing and learning.

I choose this approach because I’ve always wondered what those other psychics were leaving out, particularly the ones who were uber-positive. For this reason, I’ve really enjoyed reading autobiographies, because more of the *real* person is shared. It’s as though the point I’m making, over and over, is that if you’re feeling conflicted or challenged in life, it’s not because you’re any different from those people. You’re not somehow failing, or unworthy. You’re human. Look, I am too.

I guess I’ve always felt like our struggles and mistakes have as much to teach us as our triumphs and successes. If all we offer to the world is our success, we’re leaving out half of the story!

In case anyone was wondering what happened with the BIP, (Book in Progress, see the tab above) it was back-burnered the day of my mother’s diagnosis. Something about that just slammed shut the tap on that story, it’s really weird. The other weird thing is I’d written a rough “biography” manuscript, which I’d been planning on doing *something* with, and that project’s also been frozen rock-solid in my mind. It’s so weird. Instead, all of that creative energy went into the podcast, but there’s a new book idea as well… which is ridiculous, really. I already have two on the go, why on earth would I start another?

I was listening to a podcast about self-publishing, and one of the guests was talking about how she managed the successful launch of her book – when the host called it her “first book”, the guest corrected her and said it was in fact her FOURTH book, that her first three didn’t sell.

Well, how darn valuable is that for us to know? Without that disclosure, it creates the illusion that some people just have the *golden touch*. I was very grateful that she shared her learning process.

For me, this blog is about my learning process. That gives me a lot of different reasons to write, and it connects me to you lovely readers in a more personal way. I enjoy that personal connection, I am grateful for it, and I work very hard to create things I hope will be helpful and useful to you in your own lives, which is really the big motivation behind the podcast.

HOWEVER! I am aware that sharing this side of my story can affect how people see me, professionally. The cookie-cutter woman-in-business format is to have a clean website with pastel colours, whimsical lettering and a lot of positive affirmations, which is great! (See, positive affirmation!)

I guess I’ve realized that if I’m going to put myself out there, I’m going to put my *whole* self out there. That’s just how I roll.

The drawback, I’ve noticed, is that some people perceive this as a weakness, which shifts their perception of me as a professional. I really believe it takes more strength to share the whole story, rather than just the good, flattering parts.

So this has created a challenge for me: How do I inspire respect?

Ha. Someone just said into my ear, “Self-respect.” As in, you’ve got to respect yourself to inspire it in others.

There’s a forehead-smacking moment. Thank you for that.

I do not pretend to know all the answers, but I promise I’ll do my best to help. I cannot promise I’ll be able to measure up to another’s expectations, but I will do what I can while respecting my own boundaries and limitations.

And it seems to be working: most of my psychic business comes from this blog, and NOT my professional website. That’s why I’ve been so high on gratitude for you guys – I put myself out there, and you respond with kindness, empathy and enthusiasm.

To hell with cookie-cutter professionalism… but if “my way” results in a lot of backward-pants and wasted coffee grounds, I’d be wise to listen to your good advice.

What do you guys think? I got rid of the “brain farts” thing upon your general concurrence. I’ve gotten some great feedback from regular readers that I *do* plan to implement in the hopefully-near future, including:

Bringing back Celebrity Fridays (or at least doing it once a month) I am doing a “Ghosts in History” segment on the podcast, and I’d love to hear your questions for famous people of Christmas past.

*Teaser* I got a message from Sylvia Browne that I’ll be including in the next podcast. It’s *hilarious*. I nearly fell off my chair when I got it.

Having a regular animal communication section, particularly, advice from my cat, Sunshine. I love this idea, and Sunshine is very opinionated. She will happily participate.

Having an “intuitive development tip of the week”

I am gathering all of these inspirations and organizing a plan of action for the next six months, and I’d love to hear your other suggestions – don’t hold back! Even if I can’t do it this year, it’ll go into the “ideas” folder for future inspiration.

If you’d prefer to correspond with me privately, as always, feel free to email me: tofinopsychic@gmail.com

9 thoughts on “I’ll do it my way. And your way too!

  1. I can REALLY relate to this one. As someone who’s worked in the media for the past 10 years, this is a question I’ve continually struggled with: Do I present myself honestly as a writer, warts and all, and risk the consequences, or sanitize myself for mass consumption? As you know, I tend to go with the warts: I’ve spoken about my experiences with mental illness on national TV and recently went on HuffPost Live with a humiliating botched plastic surgery story (yes, it was a very bad and ill-advised decision!), both in the hopes of reaching other people who might be facing similar battles. Sometimes these efforts result in praise; almost just as often there are less-than-positive consequences. For example, this freelance essay about how I felt morally conflicted working as a celebrity blogger got me fired from my bread-and-butter staff gig: http://www.xojane.com/issues/everybodys-got-a-story-but-yours-probably-doesnt-matter-how-blogging-about-celebrities-made-me-morally-bankrupt
    Still, I can tell you this much: So far I have never regretted telling the truth about who I am, for the simple reason that most people with a public platform DO NOT. And what good does that do the rest of us?? I find my strength and inspiration in people like you, and Kurt, and John, and other brave souls who changed the world despite — or perhaps because of — their imperfections.
    What I’m trying to say here, essentially, is this: Keep fighting the good fight, girl. We all appreciate it.


    • That’s what I’ve really enjoyed about your writing too, J. I feel it’s more interesting. I’d rather read about someone’s honest experience, and I’d rather write about *my* complete, honest experience.

      I don’t know if you ever read the original salon blog for the movie Julie & Julia? Her original blog was *full* of her personality, warts and all. I’m not sure she would’ve been successful if she hadn’t thrown everything into the light for all to see (and later criticize.) But they sanitized her character completely for the movie.

      Botched plastic surgery? Oh no!!! And this: “It is interesting when people die. It’s more interesting, apparently, when people die horrifically violent deaths (preferably caught on video).” This reminds me of the Kurt / Courtney crucifixion after their child was born.

      For what it’s worth, I don’t care *how many* times a story has been told, YOUR STORY is worth telling. As Quentin Tarantino once said to Margaret Cho: Don’t let them do that to you; don’t let them take away your voice!


      • Awww, thanks! 🙂 I love that quote from Quentin to Margaret — she’s another inspiring figure. You know, I never did read the original Julie & Julia blog, but I suspected it had to be more interesting than the movie turned out to be (there was nothing compelling about that character in the film at all, it just didn’t make sense). Which just goes to show — it would have been a much better movie if they stuck with the warts!
        Since I know you have a strong stomach (being a medical professional and all), here’s the plastic surgery story. A cautionary tale, indeed — on many levels. What’s interesting is how many commenters refused to believe that it was true! The sometimes borderline hostile doubt of our audience is yet another inevitable challenge we face when we tell our stories…and it feels like the weirdest kind of energetic attack ever, to have strangers flat-out disbelieve your reality. (Circling back to your psychic protection post, ha! I’ve been finding your flowing water method to be EXTREMELY helpful.)
        Anyway, here you go:


      • Oh, girl! Your boyfriend suggested it? Ohhhhhh girrrrrlllll!!!!!

        Definitely a squick-ifying story, I’m so sorry you went through that. I have a dental extraction story from when I was a kid that would hit similar notes. I don’t like telling that story, I’ll just say it involved old-school reusable needles and glass syringes.

        Did you consider going to an emergency room, instead of undergoing that procedure in an ill-equipt setting? I know the reasoning faculties are not engaged when you’re undergoing a trauma like that.

        What shocks me is that the DOC didn’t send you to emerg. Sketchiest sketchfest of all time. The longer he practices the greater his chances of finding himself at the business end of a class-action lawsuit.


      • That’s just it — my reasoning faculties were shut off entirely! It was truly an out-of-body experience. Your dental/glass syringe nightmare sounds like just that…a nightmare! Severe tooth pain rivals childbirth pain, I know that firsthand!
        Anyway, my surgery was some years ago now, so I’m not sure what happened to that doctor, but I did find out later when my father helped me look into the lawsuit process (there wasn’t room to put all of this in the xojane piece) that other patients were taking legal action…so hopefully he’s not practicing anymore. But I’m sure there are others out there like him…


  2. Kate – I’m so excited to see all these great new beginnings for you! I love your style and honesty – it’s what keeps me coming back to read you entries and stay in touch – love it all!



  3. I actually appreciate the including of the “warts.” I think it makes us all feel better to see another human’s foibles. It’s a reminder that we’re all still growing & learning on this bizarre planet.

    I don’t think it strips you of any professionalism. The only people who seem to deny having any basic human flaws are those who take themselves quite seriously. Having a sense of humor about oneself & life’s daily absurdities seems to help keep a light attitude. Taking the downs along with the ups are part of everyday existence.

    & I’d love to hear some advice & opinions from your cat (even if felines do have a rather difficult time owning up to flaws or being laughed at. It’s no joke for a cat to lose its dignity & become a comical spectacle. Lots of tail swishing, flattened ears & narrowed eyes usually follows)

    You sound quite inspired, which is awesome. As far as your historical ghost segment, I’ll have to think of a really excellent question for Queen Elizabeth l. Much like a feline herself, I’d love to hear the royal & regal opinion of that powerhouse Lady Elizabeth & her take on modern times. I’ll have to think on what to ask…

    In the meantime, sending you the best amidst the cosmic comedy of everyday existence 🙂


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