(This is a Monet, reminds me of the French Chef.)

The French Chef, or “Jean Paul” as we sometimes call him, showed up yesterday to gasp in horror as I mashed a piece of smoked salmon into a brick of cream cheese. According to Jean, if you do not know how to eat, you do not know how to live!

He said the French equivalent of that into my ear, with this sensation of hot, moist breath with just a bit of spittle. I didn’t understand the French (despite 7 years of classes) but the message was clear.

Si vous ne savez pas comment manger, vous ne savez pas comment vivre!!!

(That’s what google translate says it should be, but this isn’t exactly what I heard. Close enough, you get the idea.)

That was it, he just popped in to criticize my half-assed supper and popped out.

Funny guy.

Jean Paul reminds me a bit of a new visitor we welcomed yesterday, someone Sweetie brought home with her accidentally. She and her friend were talking about dowsing, and it turns out this friend had a relative who was such a talented dowser, he wrote a book on it.

Unlike the gruff and grumbly Jean Paul, our visitor “Bill” or “Hey you!” as he joked, was so eager to talk to us he set his bony butt on a stump behind Sweetie, just in my line of sight and set about whittling and shooting me twinkling-eyed glances from under his bushy eyebrows. He had a grown-out beard, he was really strong-looking, like he’s worked physically his whole life, and he had a gentle, poking sense of humour.

Here’s what I remember from that conversation:

As soon as I said I thought Bill was here, Sweetie teared up. It’s a pretty common reaction, actually. There’s something about spirit energy that makes people teary, even if they didn’t know the person. Sometimes it’s just a release at acknowledging a presence you’ve sensed for a while.

The first thing Bill had to say was, You know, you can dowse for a lot more than water.

You can dowse for missing people. That’s how you people (psychics) find dead bodies, they dowse for it with their hands, like this: (he asks me to hold my hands in front of me, palms facing about 15” apart, thumbs pointing up. I could feel the energy gently pulling me to the left.)

You can dowse for metals, even gold. You can find out how much is in the ground, where it is, how far under. Like this:

And he demonstrated for Sweetie this question / answer relationship he had with the craft. Part of it is knowing how to allow the energy to guide you, and part of it is knowing what to ask, how to follow up. It’s a lot like mediumship, actually.

Me, I think the gold is prettier in the ground, so I don’t say shit about where it is or how much!

You can dowse for how long you’re going to live, right down to the minute. That’s the real test – if you can dowse your own life, and not be thinking about the outcome, that’s how you graduate. That’s a Master, there. It took me a long time, but I did it, and I was right.

How was it to know, or think you know how long you’re going to live?

Well, that’s not something I wrote about in the book. I wish I had, but that book’s for beginners. Some things were supposed to be a secret. The shit-part about secrets is, they sometimes die with you. And this is an art form, it’s a way of talking with the land. It’s a connection that shouldn’t be lost, just because I didn’t (do my job.)

Sweetie found a copy of Bill’s book, and she’s ordered it. I’m looking forward to seeing that one! Apparently, it’s a signed copy.

*** Reminder: There are two more spots left for the group pet reading on August 17th! Only $50! Check it out here: tofinopsychic.com