Adjustment Required


I was supposed to be going to a remote medical outpost tomorrow to help them organize their supplies.

Instead I threw my back out.

Louise Hay created a chart of common ailments and possible energetic causes, and I’ve found this to be true for a majority of illnesses and injuries that hit me out of nowhere.

Here is a list compiled by another awesome blogger.

Yesterday I got to work and immediately tweaked my back. Let me say, if you’re going to injure yourself, the best possible scenario is to get hurt when you’re already at a hospital.

My perceptive nurse friend suggested, “you know, sometimes people try to put their pain behind them. Sometimes it’s easier to deal with physical pain than emotional pain.”

Check out the back chart:


I have all three of those things going on.

Within fifteen minutes my doc had ordered some morphine, along with muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories. Now, I know I enjoy opioids, so I declined the injection of morphine.

I just don’t want to risk becoming a person who goes “I tweaked my back, AWESOME! Morphine time!”

I’ve seen this happen, so I figure if I can cope with the pain, I’d rather do that.

Thirty minutes later I accepted a single morphine tablet.

It’s interesting what happened after I took it: all emotional pain stopped.

Pain can become this background presence you just ignore and almost forget it’s there. It just becomes normal.

I remember when I was a teenager and experiencing (as yet undiagnosed) depression, I realized I was reaching for Tylenol when I didn’t actually have a headache. It took me a moment to realize the pain I was medicating was emotional.

It was a surprise today to feel the opiates lift me out of this heaviness and worry.

I can really understand why people get addicted to this.

Okay body, message received.

9 thoughts on “Adjustment Required

  1. Good article. Broken bones are rebellion to authority? Prob why I had so many as a kid. 🙂

    Pain Meds for helping emotions: yes, i agree 100% on that. They can help depression,anxiety, etc, and get ove.rused


    • Totally, Meg. After my first dose of morphine, I completely understand how people would go for painkillers instead of working through their pain. Maybe they can’t, or don’t have the support they need.

      I felt half-knocked out of my body with those painkillers. I’m feeling a lot better today and I can move around.

      Just the experience of pain can kick me out of my body though. My body will cry, (my body basically cries at the drop of a hat) but I felt like I could cope with the pain I was experiencing, as long as no one needed to talk to me and as long as I didn’t have to move.

      It’s interesting how different people deal with physical pain.


  2. You know Kurt is nodding in recognition at this one 😉 Seriously, you just summed up the basis of heroin addiction: “All emotional pain stopped.” Of course, the relief is only temporary. And once it passes, the pain is that much more unbearable. Anyway, I’ve always felt like your understanding and compassion on this topic is part of what drew Kurt, and all the others, to you…


    • Yeah, I think my bout of depression as a teenager is what did it. Once you’ve experienced it, you can smell your own 😉

      I’m a big advocate for sticking it out, because it really CAN get better. At the same time, how could I feel anything but empathy for someone else going through it, and coping however they can?


  3. Wow, what a lot of amazing entries I’ve missed! I’m playing catchup here and there’s a lot of good stuff here. I hope your back is feeling better. As someone who had a four year addiction to Vicodin (not something many people know, I kept it well hidden), I knew even at the time that I was killing the emotional pain. I just didn’t want to deal with what I’d covered up. It was like a ray of sunlight burst through the clouds whenever I took one. I had no idea how hooked on the cycle I was until George helped me quit. He was strong and stable when I was not. The love I felt for and from him was the support I desperately needed. I sometimes wonder what will happen if/when I ever am in a position where a drug will really help me.


    • Yay! I’m glad you appreciate the circle charts. I just learned how to use and I’m getting addicted to it. Look what I did to my podcast site:

      I figure if I can *cope* with the pain I’d better phase off the narcotics because I do love their effects. It is such a good thing I didn’t do any drugs when I was a teenager, because I think I would’ve become such a hardcore addict if I’d added opiates to that mix. I feel like the conversation we need to be having with teenagers about drugs isn’t “don’t do them” but “here’s why some people use / abuse them. Here’s how they got in trouble. Here are common pitfalls.”

      Just sharing people’s stories without judgment.


  4. I used to use Naproxen to take the edge off of really deep, dark depression. Didn’t need it taken away, just dulled a little. After suffering through depression since I was about 14 or so, I finally went on a small dose of Paxil after I had my pulmonary embolism. (Hey, we’re giving you a drug cocktail anyway, might as well throw that in.) I never knew that feeling nothing at all could be worse than feeling the intensity of the depths of depression, but it is. I understand why people who are bipolar don’t want to take their meds. I don’t ever want to take anything again that takes away my ability to feel emotional pain. I’m most alive, most creative, most tuned in when I can feel that pain. (I know, that looks a little — OK, a lot — weird when written out, but I mean it in the most positive way possible. Sadness and despair are a part of this “being physical” thing we’re doing.)


    • Yeah, I had a similar experience with Zoloft when I was going through a crisis as a teenager.

      They can be really helpful, life-saving even, but long term they can start to feel like they rob you of your humanity.

      I was talking with a friend of mine who went off her meds and was creating a crisis because she doesn’t sleep when she’s off medication.

      But she feels the meds rob her of a precious part of her reality. We talked a while about how she felt on meds, and I suggested that being on them is like being an eagle. Eagles aren’t empathetic, but they still bond with their partners.

      She was having a really hard time reconciling herself to a reality devoid of emotion.

      She ended up going off meds, running away from the hospital and no one has seen her in months.

      I hope she’s okay.

      Mental illness is really hard. I wish there was a safe place for her to go and be off meds, but still be cared for. She couldn’t access ANY support without being medicated because of her history.



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