Past lives, Inner demons and more Crazy Talk!

Karmic Resonance

 

It’s that time again: when I let loose and write about something s *crazy* that even *I* considered holding this one back.

 

This all started two years ago when I began to self-regress in nightly meditation under the guidance of my kind and compassionate spirit friends.

 

Some of the things that came up during that time, I wrote about.  Some of them, I kept to myself.

 

See, our past lives are not always pretty.  We know how messy life on earth can get, and I’ve seen how easy it is to tie your identity and self-worth to a concept like “lightworker”.  Some people only want to look at the light in themselves.

 

My friends, we are not all pure and happy balls of light.  I do believe each one of us has light and shadow aspects of our spirit consciousness and our history.  I also believe that both aspects are a perfect expression of the euphoric, universal, we-are-all-one “god”.

 

I also believe that many of us, including me, have expressed terribly dark facets in past lives, even if, and maybe that’s precisely why, we’re “good people” now.

 

I do truly believe that all action, thought and experience creates an energetic impact, ripples that affect us in future lives and affect our past lives retroactively… because time is bendy like that.

 

These ripples, sometimes caused by us, sometimes initiated by others, create an energetic resonance (karma).

 

In meditation, you might reach a place of expansive consciousness, where this idea is downloaded and makes complete sense, until you go back into your human body and your brain starts to tell you it’s contradictory.  It *is* contradictory from the perspective of an incarnated being with a limited and linear life span.

 

I’ll give you an example from one of my meditations and my personal history.  If you’re having a down day, you might want to come back to this story later.

 

**

 

When I was seven years old, my adult teeth were coming in… except I was getting too many.  I had extra teeth, and this posed a problem.  Not only that, but my adult teeth were far too large for my jaw.  The only solution was to pull the extra teeth.

 

Getting teeth “extracted” is an incredibly unpleasant experience for an adult.  For a kid, it’s awful.  On top of that, our dentist was old-school.  He used *reusable* needles and glass syringes, which make the injection of the local anesthetic really painful.

 

The sickening maraschino cherry on top of this crap sundae is:  the local anesthetic didn’t really work.  So there I was, a seven year old kid, getting two or three teeth pulled at a time, screaming my head off, saying “it hurts!” and no one believed me.

 

I was an obedient child so it took three visits before I stood up for myself and refused to go back to the dentist.  I threatened to fight and to run away.  Finally, my parents took me seriously.

 

They found me a new dentist who used disposable needles, a different, effective anesthetic, and he even used a chocolate flavored topical anesthetic so I wouldn’t feel the needle as much.  He had five birds at his house, and would bring me colourful feathers as a present whenever I came to “visit”.  Eventually, I became this family’s babysitter of their five children, and I survived the subsequent necessary extractions without further trauma.

 

But I carried resentment with me for years.  How could my mother hear her kid screaming in pain and not come to help?  How could she bring her kid back there, and not investigate better options until I was so terrified I refused to cooperate?

 

Of course the rational brain kicks in.  Intellectually, I forgave my mother, but the trauma was still there.

 

One night, in meditation, sliding through the lifetimes looking for old wounds that needed healing, I came upon a life experience with such vivid, visceral certainty in the truth of these memories, that it shocked me to my very core.

 

I dropped into the body of a massive man, hunched at the shoulders from a lifetime of ducking under doorways and stooping to labor with tools too small for my body.  I was wearing filthy, oily leather armor, conscious of the chafing because I was not wearing the proper undergarments.  I was wearing only filthy protective clothing and a rusting metal helmet to hide my face, but no soft fabric because it would get ruined from the mess.  All the blood, and other body fluids.

 

I walked down a stone staircase and watched myself pull the teeth of other living humans, while another man in black robes asked them questions.

 

There I was, doing the bidding of a weak, cruel man, and I was bigger and stronger than anyone in the building.  I could have picked up this prisoner and walked them out of the compound, no one would have stopped me.  Instead I stayed and pulled his teeth, and the teeth of many others.

 

Then I understood why I had to experience a small part of the pain I’d inflicted as a result of the choices I’d made in a past life.  This was karma, settling itself.  The energetic resonance needed a harmonizing note, and my understanding of it released the last bits of resentment and anger I harbored towards my mother.

 

The last extraction I experienced was when I was nineteen, and I had all four wisdom teeth removed under general anesthetic.   My cheeks blew up into chipmunk size pouches for two weeks afterwards, and my face became discolored with bruises as though I’d sustained a terrible beating.

 

And I have not had one ounce of trouble from my teeth ever since.  Not one cavity, knock on wood.

 

I haven’t gotten to the really crazy part yet.  I think I’ll save that for tomorrow.  (Or the next blog entry, whichever comes first!)

 

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11 thoughts on “Past lives, Inner demons and more Crazy Talk!

  1. Wow. This is pretty interesting with the pulling teeth in past life!

    I have been having “flashbacks”/terrible fears of me hitting someone with my car. I have dreams of it, where I am the driver and I hit someone. I can still feel/hear the big “”THUD”” sound. That is one of my biggest fears… to accidently hit a pedestrian with my car.

    Interesting that “I” was hit by a car in THIS life AND my LAST one.

    So….. now I’m thinking I was hit by car in this life ( and my last one) in order to settle some kind of karmic debt. I certainly must have killed someone with my car in one of my past lives.

    I still plan to write a letter of forgiveness to “Eric” who hit me and killed my best friend in this life. He is still dealing with depression from it. I want him to know it was all planned. It really wasn’t an “accident”. I looked him up,,, lives close to me. I also may even write to the other “Eric” who hit me and killed me in my LAST life. I actually looked him up as well because I know his name ( still lives in Liverpool).

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  2. “I do truly believe that all action, thought and experience creates an energetic impact, ripples that affect us in future lives and affect our past lives retroactively… because time is bendy like that.”

    Agree completely. I read about this exact thing many years ago and I have adopted it into my truth ever since. You have to remember it (time is fluid and bendy) because it makes you question your sanity when a detail from your past shifts and something that was firm in your mind as a fact is gone and a new detail is in its place. (I have had this happen with books I have read and I have a SHARP memory!)

    “Then I understood why I had to experience a small part of the pain I’d inflicted as a result of the choices I’d made in a past life. This was karma, settling itself. The energetic resonance needed a harmonizing note, and my understanding of it released the last bits of resentment and anger I harbored towards my mother.”

    I had this happen to me also. For me, it was past life karma of being an asshole of a boss that showed up in my life now as a seven year stretch of hellish work environments and angry/unrealistic managers. The happy news is that it doesn’t last forever. It helps to have that past life knowledge to transmute it faster (so that you don’t react with emotions that only create more karma to be resolved). 🙂 😀

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  3. Kate, that is some mind blowing stuff.
    First, that we had dentists still practicing some nasty old school methods in our current lifetimes (!!) and then to find out it’s part of your karmic balance from another lifetime, paybacks suck!
    When I got a question in with Erik Medhus asking about my spiritual mission in this life, he said I probably feel pretty scattered because I have “many, many, many, many incarnations going on, and as we know time is not linear,” making me think they are happening at the same time!?! Hard to wrap your head around!
    Anyway, I’ve always wondered why I am living through some of the shit I am in this life. So I ordered a past life reading that will come in the next day or so.
    I’m anxious to get some answers to why some things I’ve lived through in this life are so effed up and seem unfair, particularly in relation to my parental units!
    Can’t wait to hear how horrible I was/am in previous/other lives.
    It’s like a pandora’s box. But I’m hoping it will clear up some issues I have so I can just enjoy what time I have left here, lol.
    Awesome post!

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    • “Can’t wait to hear how horrible I was in other lives” – I hope this was said tongue-in-cheek because that’s how I read it, and it made me laugh!

      Oh wait until you read the next entry, (it’s in my head and I haven’t written it yet) The “why do bad things happen to good people” is an existential question we’ve been grappling with for a long, long time, and I’ve been actively working on it for two years.

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      • I can assure you my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek, and in no way meant in reference to your experience.
        My reading confirmed that I am a natural born healer with many lives spent in indigenous tribes. My biological father (estranged shortly after my birth) is of Blackfeet Indian descent through his mother. I even bear an unusually large birthmark (from my calf wrapping up around my thigh to the middle of my back) that “represents the Native American DNA within your unique human blueprint.” (Which is kind of a relief since I always thought I was burned at the stake for witchcraft, lol!)
        Now if that alone isn’t enough to knock my socks off, I also am of Pleidian origin!
        Holy seven sisters, Batman!
        Thankfully, there were no gorry details about my lives, but, being Pleidian, I do have a natural affinity towards animals. You might recall my “animal team” of Alle and Onyx, my former pets who are now my spiritual helpers.
        There was much more, but for me, the gravy was in the validation of my healing abilities.
        Now I just have to figure out how to get more “heart centered” so I can get this info from my higher self…
        Can’t wait for your next entry!
        This stuff is amazing!

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  4. Aw, I was looking forward to the really crazy part.
    ……….. [singing] Why are we wai-ting? Whyy-yy are we waiting?……….

    It’s funny. I’ve been thinking about your “soul bubble” posts over the last day or so as I’m unpacking and sorting through the idea that reincarnation is not a linear, one-life-following-another kind of thing. It’s hard to put aside the linear thinking you need to survive while you’re here on this physical plane. (You need to let your mind be blown, go away and ruminate on it a bit, and come back with your mind pieced back together again in a slightly new and expanded configuration. LOL)

    Karma is about balance, experiencing something from the “other” point of view, e.g. having your painful tooth extraction situation to balance your experience of being the pain-giving tooth extractor. We’ve all done terrible things over the course of these many lives we’ve lived. (I remember trying to explain (poorly) what I grasped of the concept many years ago to my mother — I think, in retrospect, she actually knew it all in her core, but her physical self was hung up on the “I was/am a terrible person” most of her life and she just couldn’t get out the other side.)

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  5. thank you so much kate for sharing this with us. i, too, am on the edge of my seat wondering about the really crazy part!!! 🙂
    until then, i do have a question: does one need the understanding of the karmic balance in order to actually attain emotional freedom? or, for the person who isn’t practicing PLR or even conscious of past lives, do things just even themselves out on their own? is this something we’re supposed to get?

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  6. Pingback: The Ecosystem of Pain (Inner Demons Pt. 2) | Kate Sitka

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