So much happy, and some sad.


One thing that’s pretty clear about my mother: she doesn’t want us spending a lot of time crying about her, or feeling sad around her.  I think I’d be the same way, and I’m going to do my best to have as many happy conversations as we can.

Amid all this, the car, my Mom, it’s looking like we will be getting the house in Ucluelet.  We saw it today, and it’s just perfect for our needs.  No shared laundry, but a laundry room of our very own.  Three bedrooms, all small but there’s three!  I will finally, finally have my own office!

The kitchen is my favourite part about this little house – it has every essential thing that makes me happy:

– Cupboards.  Believe it or not, cupboards can not be taken for granted out here.  We haven’t had kitchen cupboards in 7 years, just a few shelves on the wall and bookcases to hold our kitchen stuff.  Cupboards are glorious.  They have doors on them and everything.

– enough room for a kitchen table.  We haven’t had a kitchen table in 7 years.  We’ve been eating on the couch.  We’ll actually have sit-down suppers!

– a double sink AND a dishwasher.

– A window over the sink that overlooks the back yard.  THIS is what is truly delightful.

– a cold room that has been closed off on the side of the house, off the kitchen.  Apparently it becomes the hot room in the summer.  But it’s covered storage.

This is literally the kitchen I have been visualizing for years.  It’s awesome.

Other thrilling features:

– A living room.  Not a main room that has our bed and our couch in it, no, a living room with enough room for a couch and a couple of chairs!  Throw in a coffee table, a couple of lamps and a doily, you have grandma’s parlor!

– A backyard.  Not just a patch under the landlady’s balcony, no.  A full-on back yard, fenced, fire pit, picnic table.  A HAMMOCK.

– Storage!  There’s a cupboard under the stairs, just like in Harry Potter.

– Storage!  A linen closet, for the love of all that’s holy!  A closet that is just for sheets, towels and toilet paper!

– Storage!  Three cute little bedrooms, each with windows and closets of their very own!

– LIGHT.  It’s was quite overcast today, and yet you didn’t need a single light on in the house to see what you’re doing.

We don’t have a lot of stuff, we truly don’t.  Our major furniture includes a bed, couch, two bookcases, a desk, a craft table, an office chair, pillows, kitchen stuff, linens and towels.  Oh and some electronics.  Books, a few dvds, clothes.  That’s it that’s all.  I don’t know how people make things work in those little tiny houses.  We are living in about 700 square feet and we’re just two people.  It’s tight, but you make it work.

You make it work, but there’s nothing like a little house that feels like home, where the landlord repairs what’s broken, but otherwise just lets you pay the rent and doesn’t bother you.  One where the laundry room and the hydro bill is all yours.  It will be such a relief, such a blessing.  We will not be sharing walls with *anyone* – it’s a duplex, but the only shared wall is the stairwell.  We will not be woken up by the neighbour’s adult living-at-home children talking at midnight.  We certainly won’t be living under someone.  It’s going to make a huge difference in our lives.

We’re going to have uninterrupted sleep.  And we’ll have such quiet that if we want to go to bed early, we won’t be disturbed by the neighbour’s activities.

It’s so weird to have so much to be happy about, and have this sadness happening too.  One doesn’t wipe out the other.  I’m so happy and excited for this new house – we’ve needed it and have been looking for a place like it for a long time!  And even though we’re not really allowed to be sad about my mother to her face, (or over the phone) of course that’s there, wrapped like crows wings around my happy heart.

Just a lot of happy and sad, all at once.




13 thoughts on “So much happy, and some sad.

  1. I just found your blog tonight. I love your appreciation for the small things that we almost always take for granted! Every kitchen sink should have a window facing the backyard, so one can see the sun rise and set, hear the birds chirp, see life while washing dishes 🙂 All the best to you and your Mum.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The new house sounds great!

    Maybe the timing for it is just what you might need right now? The new car, the new place to live… perhaps it’s to balance and offset the other feelings and emotions that you are and will have to be processing.

    I think it’s good that you have this coming in right now. Less ‘negative’ distractions (like the old place you are currently in, or previous lack of a car), so you can now move past those issues and deal with important family stuff going on now.

    It’ll be okay.

    And you know that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so sweet Allen. Thank you. It is weird, I’ve had this low-level depresh’ for months – and a few days after getting the car it magically vanished.

      Depression isn’t just biochemical – sometimes it’s circumstantial. I feel like this all ties into compassion for each other – protecting each other from poverty and helping each other where and when we can.

      I have had so much help, and I’m profoundly grateful.


  3. So happy for you two to have a new home and privacy AND reliable transport! Whoo hoo Kate.
    And sorry the crow wings around your heart have to part of life.


  4. Congrats on the house, Kate! It sounds simply lovely and you deserve it. I’m so glad that you have something light to look forward to amidst the sadness. I’m so sorry. Words aren’t ever enough when it comes to such emotional pain, but if you ever need anything (I don’t know what I could provide, but I have lost a mom to cancer. I’ll pray for her and that the remainder of her life is beautiful and sweet) please just ask. It must be comforting to know you can contact her when she passes into the Heavenly realms. My mom came back the very night she died, having passed that morning, and gave me clear signs of her presence. It is a true comfort to know our loved ones don’t truly leave us.

    Much peace and love to you, Dear Kate.

    Liked by 1 person

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