Recently, I received another really lovely email from my friend, Andrea. With her permission, I share it here:
i wanted to share with you a quick meditation story: about a month or so ago, someone created "a speed bump" in my life by pulling me into her drama – she’s having a hard time right now, and while i’m not really involved, i got brought in energetically. i got really upset in the moment and didn’t really know what to do. talk to her? she didn’t answer the phone or return my message. mail her a book by pema chodron? i don’t really want to strengthen the energetic cord between us, as i’m trying to cut and heal that. so i decided to meditate on the situation, with the intention of receiving clarity. (this is like 30 minutes after it happened, so i didn’t brood too much, thankfully).
so i meditated in silence, just kinda giving myself space and time. after a while, i had the image of the hair of a hasidic jewish man in my mind. it was really confusing because i don’t know any hasidic jews, personally, but i just went with it. my mind was going, "jewish male, jewish male [this went on for a while]…..um, jesus?" as soon as i think about jesus, i see a traditional painting of him in my mind’s eye. i go, "jesus, is that you?" and then i see a statue of the mother mary. WHOA!!!!! i mean, i was raised roman catholic, but haven’t practiced in nearly 2 decades. i just stay with the image, totally in awe, and ask, "mother mary, whats the message?" then in giant letters, i see the word, "compassion."
DUDE, my mind was blown. that was basically the end of my meditation, but its really stayed with me. i’ve chosen to have compassion for this woman, from afar. i don’t gossip about it anymore, i don’t give it too much thought. but when i do think about it, i just send her compassion and let it go, then cut the cord again.
my mind is still completely blown away how i received this message. i probably wouldn’t have listened to anyone else. 🙂
Kate Sitka 
Thank you Kate for sharing this message. Also, please give my gratitude to Andrea for writing this email. This is a timely reminder. It can be really difficult knowing how to set boundaries with others who are emotionally draining. This can be particularly true for people who empathic, highly sensitive, or who strongly identify as helpers. But, extending compassion or even love from afar is a helpful way to support others, while preserving one’s well being.
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hi lana, as a helper, i’m thrilled to know this story was helpful for you. 🙂 after years and years of confusion and strained relationships, setting boundaries (and meditating regularly) is one of the best things i’ve done for myself.
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This is an excellent story, and reminder. As compassionate as we all strive to be and think we are, I tend to get caught up in the strands of my own insecurities and frustrations and THAT is what prevents me from having compassion in a lot of interpersonal situations. I can’t see past my own netting. It’s easy to have compassion for someone we don’t know as well or who has life struggles very different from our own. It’s when they are similar that I think I get the most upset, and I think it’s with myself, not with them at all. Thank you for sharing, both of you!
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Yes, it’s the same with me! The people who are MOST like me, or reflect something I don’t like about myself back to me, they’d to ruffle my feathers the easiest.
I do find when I shift to a compassionate pov, that’s when I suddenly see the similarities.
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thank you, snichols11!
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