(image and lovely poem here)

I posted a quick update on facebook last night, that I’d been to see my doc and he’d sent me for a bunch of lab work, thinking that H. Pylori, a really common bug that almost half of all people have, could have taken over my stomach and be causing the painful acid reflux I’ve been experiencing. Apparently it’s the leading cause of ulcers. All of my lab work so far is normal, but I won’t find out about the H. Pylori until my next doc appt.

Sweetie has gently pointed out to me on more than one occasion, that I tend to process my emotion physically. Whenever anything is going on that has a strong emotional element, I tend to develop a symptom. Louise Hay has a chart of body complaints and correlated emotional issues, and a lot of the time it lines up. For example, I noticed I’d get foot pain right before taking a really big step in my life, like moving to a new city or applying for a new job. Now, when I experience foot pain, I ask “Where is my fear of moving forward?”

I’m going through a period of fixing myself up. The last couple of years have been hard on me, physically. Riding my bike for two years was good for my heart, but tough on my knees. Fortunately, there’s physio for that!

My back, ever since I hurt it after visiting my Mom in October 2014, has been a chronic ongoing pain. Back pain slowly limited my ability to go on long walks, which is one of the things I really enjoy doing out here in the land of beaches. But now, I finally have the support I need – starting with an amazing La-Z-Boy chair! Last week I was almost crying from back pain, but I sat in that chair for a couple of hours, and all the pain went away. No meds needed. I had just overworked myself a bit, and after some time in the magic chair and a good sleep, I was good as new the next morning!

This is such a blessing and relief because in October 2014, we didn’t own a bed, and hadn’t for two years. Frequently, Sweetie would be on an air mattress on the concrete floor, and I would be on the creaky couch. This, I’m sure, contributed to my back issues.

Oh, and let me tell you about my uber-sexy physio exercises. Are you ready?

1) I lay on the floor, on my side, knees bent, heels in line with my tailbone. Keeping my feet together I raise my knee to the ceiling, so my legs do this move like a clam shell. Oh yeah, it’s very attractive. I feel like I could be on the cover of a romance novel when I do this one.

2) I am on my hands and knees. I lift my leg to the side, mimicking a dog peeing on a fire hydrant! Sexy!

3) I am standing and make the motion to sit, ensuring my knees do not move forward enough to cover the view of my toes (ie, butt is sticking WAY out!) Because I’m not super-strong at this move yet, I have been instructed to perform this move over a “low chair” which I do not own… so I use the toilet. I’m squatting over the toilet. Repeatedly. Did I mention I also have an elastic band tied around my knees and I’m pushing my knees outward at the same time?

I am now taking music recommendations to listen to while I do this butt-focused workout. What do you suggest? Something with a beat please that will make me feel fabulous!

So we’re slowly and surely fixing things up. Physio and a magic chair for my back, physio to help make me stronger so I can go to the gym more frequently and work out without pain, which will help with my weight loss that will also make the gym easier. Lab tests to track down and hopefully fix my acid reflux, and if it is H. Pylori, that would ALSO be contributing to my weight gain and the difficulty I’m having with weight loss. Better sleep, more exercise, diet adjustments… Hopefully we can keep this positive ball rolling!

But back to the emotional end of it: Sweetie asked me if I had been crying when I felt sad. Maybe I’d been internalizing emotion out of habit, as an old short-term coping mechanism.

I had, actually. I really don’t like to cry. Actually, crying my *own tears* is a lot of exhausting work. It’s not unusual for me to find myself crying during a heartfelt session, an emotion that isn’t mine – as part of the channeling, it just flows right through me without making me feel tired, dehydrated, wrung out or any of the other feelings I get when I cry over my own sadness. It’s work to process emotion.

Crying for me is like the opposite of being in “medium mode”. Medium mode is this zen, peaceful place where everything flows and there’s no resistance. Crying my own tears is like taking sandpaper over my day, and frankly, I don’t have a lot of days I want to “waste” on crying. Yeah, it does tend to knock me out for the day.

Sweetie’s theory is that this “not crying” habit is making the emotion express in forms of physical illness. Which, I have to admit, makes sense. I know I’m not the only tough gal that does this, either.

In the first months after my Mom died, I did some grief counselling, which is a lot like setting a time aside to cry, and paying someone to help you through it. It’s really worth it. I honestly did get to a place where I felt like I’d gotten what I needed from the counselling, but maybe I stopped too soon? Or maybe I need to journal and discover where emotion is hiding now? (By the way, I recommend Esther Kane. She does counselling over the phone, so if you’re looking for help, she’s a good lady.)

Since then, Sunny died and I miss her so. Her death triggered all the other losses in recent years, as deaths tend to do. Poor Sunny’s ashes are still in the car, because I don’t have the heart to bring them inside yet!

It’s an interesting journey. I wonder what the lab results will say?

Getting to the body talk part. I don’t consider myself to be a “medical medium” but sometimes interesting information will pop up. Sweetie has noticed I always make lipton chicken soup with TONS of garlic, often just before I come down with a cold. She’s nicknamed it “sick soup” which made me realize I’m probably craving garlic when I need it.

I’ve been craving that soup a lot lately, as well as broccoli for some weird reason. I generally hate broccoli, but I’ve eaten it for the past three days. Well, I’ve been reading up on naturopathic treatments on H. Pylori and guess what? Garlic and broccoli are on the list. Now, in clinical trials, these foods have shown to reduce symptoms and inflammation, and even temporarily reduces the colonization, but don’t actually treat the problem – the H. Pylori infection. After the garlic and broccoli were stopped, the infection came back.

So I may have to buckle up and take antibiotics for the first time in ten years. It was UNFUN the last time I had to take them.

I also had the thought, before seeing the doc, that this might be an early symptom of stomach cancer. The pain is what drove me to the doc, but this niggling through convinced me it’s better to go sooner rather than later. What a weird and random thought, right? I brushed it off assuming that, because my Mom died of cancer, I’m just seeing cancer potential everywhere. Headache? BRAIN TUMOUR! Ingrown toenail? THAT’S A TUMOUR! Sore throat? TUMOUR!!!! Okay I’m kidding, I’m not that bad! It’s just this little pessimist in the back of my mind who mostly sits on a stool with a dunce cap on her head.

The funny thing was my doc mentioned that the treatment of H. Pylori is optimistically viewed as being the best preventative for stomach cancer, since this bug causes most of the ulcers associated with stomach cancer. I think my chance of actually developing it is around 1%, but it’s just a funny coincidence.

It’s interesting to hear my body talk to me.