One thing that comes up a few times per year is the term “soul mate” or “twin flame”. You guys know how much I love questioning this stuff, right? We always have to keep grounded firmly in a deep nurturing soil of good sense.

Here’s why “soul mates” and “twin flame” drive me nuts: Clients and friends use these terms to hurt themselves. I love these people, and it makes me a little nuts. Just remember, when a spiritual idea (and they’re all ideas) comes around, evaluate it’s usefulness for you by asking yourself, “is this idea useful FOR ME?” You will know if you find it useful when it applies to your own life in a way that gives you a deeper connection to spirituality, a greater comfort when you think about death and loss, or if it’s just an interesting idea that gets you intrigued.

I have no problem with the philisophical concept of a soul mate – used to label that feeling of recognition. “Oh you, yes, you’re familiar. We click. Yes, let’s be together all the time!”

This touchstone isn’t confined to just a single person, we have all sorts of opportunities to meet kindred spirits.

Again, let’s be flexible in our ideas. Personally, I’m in search of a philosophy; a collection of ideas which is useful in helping me understand what goes on in my life and in my practice as a medium. I am most interested in helping my clients.

In sessions, when we are talking about past life connections with people, absolutely some people have been married to their partner in past lives. Maybe someone else would call this a soul mate. I prefer to say kindred spirit, or soul family.

What I see more often in my practice is a repition of kindred relationships, and different permutations of intimacy. Spirit friends over lifetimes, playing different roles. Sometimes there is a romantic cross-over, sometimes not. Frequently, people who have been each other’s sisters, sons, cousins, great-uncles etc. It’s rarely a repition of husband/wife dynamics over and over.

Sweetie is definitely a kindred spirit to me. I would not call her my soul mate, (no offense, honey) because my stubbourn inner German refuses to elevate our relationship in any artificial-feeling way. She is my partner. I don’t need to call her my soul mate to other people, because what we have right now, day to day, is a beautiful enough all by itself. It doesn’t need the context of past-life relationships.

But since you asked…

I’m sure Sweetie and I have known each other in past lives. We have not, so far, in meditation, dreams or sessions, found a narrative where we’ve been partners in the past. But we’ve been friends – or partners – in other ways.

One vision which always comes up for me when I go deeply into it, it looks like a temple of female oracles. It was Sunshine (our dear late white cat) who showed me this vision for the first time. Maybe it’s more of a commune than a temple, with a permanent population of female care-takers who provide healing and counselling to the surrounding families, who seem to be mostly farmers, weavers, potters.

The “temple” is a triangular building, similar to the below photo, but large enough to house a community of 20 + people. The garden is just on the outside, but the inside houses chambers that are always shaded and cool, if a bit damp. The bottom three levels seem to be the base, with more common, lower-maintenance plantings. The next three levels have living quarters, and off one side of the pyramid, there’s an expansion of the terraced gardens that is clearly newer than the temple construction. This is where most of the public is served – there are shelters shaded with fabric and separated by potted plants on trellis, and there is a more permanent looking cabin built of wood logs that is used in the rainy season. The gardens are watered through a gravity irrigation system coming from nearby green mountains.

I wonder if it’s in South America, or if it’s in the middle east / red sea / mediterranian area (parts that are desert now were lush and productive thousands of years ago.) The air is not humid, but hot and arid. There is a sea or ocean within a month or two of travel, but it’s not close enough to provide the community with a regular food supply. The gardens and the farms are the center of the civilization, and the terraced temple gardens take advantage of the sun in the elevated parts of the structure. The hottest, sunniest side grows edible (and highly-valued) delicacies. Figs, plums, tiny citrus, red berries. The west and east sides grow more delicate plants and flowers, with the lower levels of the coolest side used for storage – clay pots containing perishables buried in damp sand in the shade, the circulating water runnoff from the gardens keeping the storage terrace damp and cool.

The whole set up seems to be the centralized wealth production of the civilization. Everything produced on the temple seems to be either medicinal, rare, and / or expensive. Some flowers seem to be purely decorative, or ceremonial. They’re fragile, coveted, and used for high-status people on special occasions.

Whatever our jobs were at this babalonian-style garden temple, I know that Sweetie and had different functions. She was mostly inside, looking inward. I see some people going inside the temple to speak with her. I’m sure her job was more spiritual, more oracle-like. I was mostly outside, in the garden, and I think I worked my way up as a herbalist. I think that we were both “given” to the temple by our families at a young age. While we didn’t work side by side, we did spend our lives together, in contentment. This is a life where Sunshine was also there. Sunshine, along several other “temple cats”, kept the stores and gardens free of rats and mice. They were as important to the temple as the humans. Sunshine liked to talk about it, and would often show me pictures of a flower and say I should eat it. (The final image I get is the whole civilization in flames – I think the entire temple population was killed when the city was invaded. Up until then, it was a very nice life.)

It’s a lovely place to return to in meditations or dreams. Now that I’m writing about it, it makes me especially miss Sunshine, because she talked about it quite a bit.

In my family, our animal friends are also kindred spirits.

It’s not about a single, permanent soul mate – although this can play a part in our life plan. So many of us are tempted to equate signifigance to permanence. Permanence is comforting, for sure. I think that’s why people have really locked on to “twin flame” and “soul mate”. It belies a permanence which transcends centuries.

And I DO believe we have connections, many connections, with other souls that span centuries, even millenia. We feel this truth.

Why does “soul mate” stick in my craw? I never, ever use this term. Kindred spirit, soul family, or sometimes I’ll say “you’re in the same university on the other side.” You’re learning parallel things, you take the same classes. You’re familiar with each other.

It feels right. It seems to allow for the expansiveness I feel when I’m looking at relationships through the lense of medium mode, in a spiritual context. Spirituality for me has never felt exclusive, it’s felt far-reaching and unifying. We go far, but we’re connected, no matter how far we go.

I think this is reflected in what happens on earth, too, in connections that stay strong through the years, even through separation, or adversity.

For some people, this kindred spirit relationship could be reinforced with a few (or dozens) of shared incarnations. Sometimes the relationship shows up as a romantic partnership, but much more often, a romantic connection in this current life is fleshed out with a variety of past incarnations. Friendships, sibling relationships, parent-child dynamics, or simply reincarnating into the same physical communities, or in the same genetic family line. You’ve been spirit friends, kindred spirits, for ages, and your soul knows it.

So here’s to Kindred Spirits – and all of our deep human connections which are varied, enriching, and unlimited.