I confess!

I confess! I have been having a really tough time getting back into the swing of things! It seems like the years past have all been driven by something major – our business struggling, our move to Tofino, my mother’s diagnosis and death, our move to Ucluelet, my surgery and healing journey – and most recently our wedding!

My goodness, this is the first time I’ve been able to choose a major direction shift in many years! That’s absolutely something to celebrate.

So what’s strange about it is I have several balls in the air – and I *want* to actively be working on all of them, yet when I get a day with some time I could devote to these projects, all I want to do is clean my house or bake a cheesecake! (An epic pumpkin cheesecake with sour cream topping, how could I wait to make that???)

I want to play with my friend’s puppy and go for walks without taking any photos, just being in the moment. I feel like it’s time for a fresh start!

These times in life can give us pause, because I know once I start down a new road, my life may become driven again by the results that come from this shift in choices.

I had planned to begin study for a BA in Health Care Administration. As much as I love my part-time job at the hospital, now that I’m feeling better and have energy, I would like to make good on a promise I made to myself when I was 19. At that age, what I needed more than anything else was independence, and set aside my childhood goal of becoming a veterinarian (after working for the local animal hospital for 5 years and seeing what life as a vet is like) and I had decided that primary care was *definitely* not for me – and decided not to return to college to complete my nursing program.

Other factors that fed into that decision were that I’d entered the two year RN program at the time because it would get me out of my parent’s house and working a decent career quickly without a lot of student debt… and the year I started the program the standard changed from 2 year college program to 4 year BA in nursing – which I didn’t want to do. I made that decision 20 years ago now, and I don’t regret it, because I remember how much I desperately felt the need to get out on my own.

So at that time, I promised myself that I could return to university in my 30s or 40s. And I certainly could… but the same student debt is there waiting for me, and honestly, I am just not into that.

I could spend the next 10 years taking correspondence courses, which requires me to transfer my year of nursing college credits and my accounting college credits to this university out of Alberta which does long-distance education… and I find myself just not excited for that option.

So I’m not going to do that right now. I suppose I could paraphrase my woo-woo sisters and say, I just don’t feel called to do that.

Or I could state it plainly and say, I just don’t want to!

Which is a surprise to me. I always thought that when I reached a point in my life where university was an option… I’d do it! And I am really interested in these courses… So what’s holding me back?

I think my contemplation here at the crossroads is really just about giving myself permission to *not* do this at this point in my life. You know what also gets me excited? Expanding the course I launched this past spring! There is a lot there I would still like to do!

You know what else gets me excited? Horses! Weirdly, it has been extraordinarily difficult for me to get call-backs from potential riding teachers in Port Alberni, though I do have a friend four hours away who has offered to get me involved with her horses. It would make for a *very long* day, but maybe that’s the way I should go.

I see this energy with clients sometimes – that crossroads branching out, opening possibilities, and there isn’t any single correct answer. Just the direction you choose based on what you want more of in your life.

I have slooooooowed right down while I ponder my options, and it’s led to a lot of cooking / baking / cleaning days, while I let my emotions and ambitions negotiate a decision.

That’s my excuse for delaying my podcast episodes! HA!

Actually, the next two episodes I have coming up I am so excited and kind of nervous about, because I have two amazing guests who helped me to tackle an extremely touchy subject in this here spiritual arena!

I’m nervous to post them! I admit it! ARGH!!!! But I’m going to do it of course – it’s like I’ve also been waiting for the energetic prompt to just *get them out there already*!

I think that is my top priority right now, and everything else can wait!

PS – if you missed it, check out the comment section in my last post about Dream Spirit Work.

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