“It all leads to nothing.”


I remember writing previously about a friend of mine who once said to me The Universe Doesn’t Care.  It’s one way of looking at the world and its problems from a higher perspective.  The universe doesn’t place values on good or evil, right or wrong, light or darkness.  They are equal because they allow each other to exist in contrast.  The universe, life, is a perfectly balanced equation.

One of the attendees in last Monday’s Intuitive Development class was said We will all become Nothing.  Which is another way of saying the same thing.  It led into a bit of a discussion, since I understand what he’s saying, yet the concept makes me uncomfortable.  In my class, students and the facilitator all respect each other as potential teachers, and so while another woman admitted to having difficulty / being very uncomfortable with this idea of nihilism, the respect was there and no one was going to argue with him or impose their own ideas on him by telling him he was wrong.

I don’t think he’s wrong.

But there’s something about the concept of returning to the Big Bubble in the Sky, of losing my individuality, my soul’s history so completely, that frightens me.

This is what Bob Marley wants to talk to me about – how we are all one, we are all love, there is nothing to fear, we are all connected, we call came from heaven, we will all return, we will all join together, inevitably, as the cycle completes.

I find myself pushing Marley away a bit.  I’m having a difficult time with this concept.  I feel afraid, sometimes panicky almost, when I meditate on these concepts which Marley presents. 

Because what significance is anything if it all becomes nothing?

I’m having flash-backs to my goth days when I wrote morbid poetry, struggled with suicidal thoughts and asked myself daily, “What’s the point?”

Maybe that’s where the fear comes from… that I came so close to taking my own life as a teenager, that I’m afraid to really dive into this idea.

Yet I’m drawn to it as strongly as I’m repelled by it.  So I don’t feel like I’m moving forward at all.

I’m resistant.  And there’s Marley, patiently waiting for me to engage with him again.  There’s Kurt and George, helping me cope with the fear.  There’s John, making me laugh.

Thank you Heaven, for my invisible friends.

I think this stumbling block I’m on is an expected landmark of spiritual development.  If you’re reading this and you’re also walking a spiritual path, I encourage you to reach out for as much support as you can, because when you need it, it’s important to have those relationships established.  You’ll find it. 


Ha.  Albie just popped in.  He says,

Remember, fear is a temporary state of being.  Fear is an energy of change.  (Shows me a ball increasing vibration until it rolls forward.)  Fear is a state to be acknowledged, welcomed.  I had fear in my life.  Fear drove me to America!  Ha!  That was the best thing which could have happened.  Fear can be our guide.  Be sure you listen to your fear, and do not fear your fear!  Do not avoid these things which scare you, or you will not move forward.  Instead, look upon them and use the fear energy to transform your life.

He shows me that, while experiencing fear, you can settle your “higher self” and get in touch with the message behind the fear.  Fear is an alert chime.  It says “Pay Attention!”  It is a reason to ground yourself, to remain calm and to give your attention to the matter which inspired the fear; that matter is important.

Thank you Albie.  You’re a dear friend.  (He laughs.)

Thoughts, Dreams and Books – A Holy Trinity


I awoke at 5:30 Monday morning without an alarm.  I actually couldn’t find my alarm, so I asked whoever was watching over me that night to please wake me up at 6:00… so I was a bit surprised when I woke up a half hour early. 

Then I heard this was because I needed to carry some information with me into my day, and in order for me to understand this, it was best I hear it just as I was waking up, when my mind was still supple and open to new ideas.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of creation, of divinity and What It All Means.  I guess it’s natural to go there, particularly if you’re stretching your psychic legs.  It just leads to so many questions which inevitably leads to the Big Question about life, the universe and everything.

I don’t know who was showing me all this.

First, I was shown a dot.  This is one moment in time. 

Now, stretch the dot out.  It is a two dimensional line, linear time.  This is how we experience and understand time.

Now, the line begins to move, typical wave.  This is the perception of time thorough-out  the possibilities.  Time is not static, but in motion, possibilities branch out.

Some have used the idea of a web to describe this.  I see a fractal.  Say every choice you make has two options.  The results lead to more choices, each with two options.  The possibilities branch outwards, on and on.

Back to the wave.  Watch it.  Now, imagine the line of the wave is a skipping rope.  Tilt the image so you are looking at the line from the perspective of someone holding the rope.  Suddenly, you see the line is not moving just up and down, but in a circle, around and around.  This is the fourth dimension. 

I hear the words:  “The fourth dimension is Thought.”

It seems so obvious to me all of a sudden.  Thought.  We experience our world through our senses, as our bodies allow.  Yet we also experience our lives through thought.

Now here’s where it starts to build.  If this was my cat, she’d be patting my face right now and asking “Do you get it?  Are you with me so far?”

Thought is the first element of creation.  We conceive of something, it is that conception which begins to bring the thought into our reality.  Thought ultimately creates our reality.  All our thoughts together.


Thoughts are affected by gravity.  This is something Albie and my spirit guide Aries has explained to me before.  The thoughts of every creature and being on earth has created an atmosphere of thought around our planet.  So it is with other planets.  Some thoughts may be intentionally transmitted through space, over vast distances.  Some thoughts float out of our atmosphere and out to sea.  Perhaps they will be stumbled upon later, like a message in a bottle.

This concept of the thought atmosphere is something I’ve been comfortable with for years.  I concluded this must be so after I found myself walking around thinking of a particular episode of the Simpsons.  Later, that episode would be on TV.  This happened so many times, I came to the conclusion that if enough people are thinking about something, it becomes accessible to me.

As thoughts are affected by gravity, and like to hang around planets, so thoughts, ideas, imagination, reaches out into the universe and exerts its affect in the world of physics.  Physicists call it “dark matter” – the unknown, as yet unmeasured substance floating around in the universe affecting the gravity of all things in orbit in the universe.

I’ve been receiving gentle reminders of what to focus upon in my day.  I tend to worry about things, and so I can pass a whole day running various scenarios through my head.  I learned from my mother that constant vigilance is essential to survival – that you must imagine every possible thing which can go wrong and anticipate your response to it so that you have a plan when one of these things inevitably happens.

But what if my relentless worrying was creating my reality?  What if my worrying about money actually creates more distance between me and cash flow?  What if worrying about Sweetie’s minor illness actually makes it worse? 

But then, where does intuition end and worrying begin? 

I have a lot of books coming into my life right now; the one I’m most looking forward to is Linda Keen’s Across the Universe.  A dear friend is sending it to me in the mail.  I am *so* looking forward to reading about her adventure-conversations with John Lennon. 

Ellie’s mother, visiting her daughter from the city, mentioned the surprising array of “new age” books at our local bookstore.  Immediately I tweaked – I knew there was something there for me.  Sure enough, I found a copy of a book I’ve been wanting to read:  Brian Weiss’ Many Lives, Many Masters.   I’ve really enjoyed his guided meditations, and in listening to Lisa William’s podcast interview of Brian, decided I simply *must* read his books.  I devoured his first book in a single, hungry, gulp.  I know I’ll do the same with Across the Universe.

Meanwhile, delightful e-readers have come into our lives, surprise Christmas presents from my Sweetie’s dear mother.  I had never pegged myself as an e-reader type.  You can’t take them into the bath.  You can’t smell them.  You can’t fondle them and stare at the covers for hours.  But there’s an amazing benefit to e-readers:

Unlimited libraries available over the internet.

Sweetie just downloaded a collection of “100 New-Age and Supernatural Books” all in .pdf format.  Among this collection is Brian Weiss’ second book, Only Love is Real.  I’ll have to devote a separate entry to what I think about his first book, but in short, I’ll say it’s great.  I would be re-reading it right now except that *someone* has hidden it from me.  It’s vanished.  I didn’t bring it out of the house.  I’ve turned the house upside down.  I don’t know where it is, so I’m forced to move onto other books.

The one I’m currently reading is Conversations with God.  Again, I’ll say it’s great.

With both books I’d say most of it really feels like I’m peeling away some dirty blanket to reveal a shiny, undamaged truth beneath.  Much of it resonated instantly with me as truth.  Some of it I’ll leave behind, I think.  I think this is what we all have to do – seek out the truth for ourselves, collect our thoughts and experiences to carry forward. 

Which brings me back to thought.  Since thought is as much a part of how we experience our incarnation, how much of our thought, like our experience, is limited by our bodies? 

And when we carry some of our thought baggage with us to the other side after we die, does that, in a way, help us retain our humanity after death? 

I’ve talked with enough spirits now to believe that sometimes we carry our life’s work with us into the afterlife.  If we didn’t finish what we meant to do when we incarnated, we must repeat the lesson – or sometimes our chart continues after death.  Sometimes we reincarnate, but sometimes we remain on the other side but closer to the earth.  In this state, sometimes we retain our last life’s identity (but not always).

These spirits who hold on to their past lives on earth very closely will sometimes share with me all the emotion they continue to experience.  Spirits in this form can get run down, need healing, time to recharge.     

I have not yet met an angel who communicates emotion or even past life experience in this way.  Yet, I understand that some of us incarnated humans are on our way to becoming angels.  What are the thoughts of angels?  Do they worry? 

Wow, I’m getting an answer:

No, angels do not worry.  Angelhood is a release of this burden of emotion, but not the experience. 


What do angels think about?




You think about God all the time?  Is that it?


Everything we do is God.  Everything we are, our work, the love we distribute, the songs we inspire, the children we protect.  All of it is God.


Ah, I’m reading something about this in Conversations with God right now.  What do you think about that book?


It is in Heaven’s Library under “Almost there.”


Ha!  I guess I’m reading the “Almost There” books, eh?


Angel smiles, kisses my forehead, leaves.


Interesting how sometimes I’m writing an entry or an email and someone will just pop in.  This is apparently exactly how Conversations with God was written.

These are the brain farts of a psychic folks. 

Next week I have taken off as vacation time.  I like to take a week off in February if I can, I call it my “mental health holiday”.  I’ll read all of these books, hopefully do a lot of writing and I will think about where this is all going.

Einstein Friday


Albert Einstein has been a hero of mine since I was a kid, along with Leonardo da Vinci.  (Something in my brain just told me they’re the same person – I will have to ask Sweetie if I’d mentioned whether or not Albert was actually Leonardo, reincarnated… I don’t recall right now.)

Anyway, Albie, as he likes to be affectionately called, was one of our guests at Christmas.  I’m a bit of a math / physics nerd myself, so having a conversation with Albie is always great fun. 

The first thing I asked him was, “Are we ever going to get this string theory thing figured out?”

Well yes, indeed!  But!  (I use a lot of exclamation points when writing as Albie, because he’s so enthusiastic.)  The problem with our system is, we don’t have all the numbers.  We must discover more numbers, and we must discover the formulas to describe a fourth dimension and as it acts upon the reality we experience when incarnated.

Albie, what do you mean, more numbers?

He showed me a line of numbers:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Then he showed his hands reaching in between and under the space these whole numbers describe.  Immediately I went to decimals/fractions and got slapped down.  No!  We’re not talking about pieces of these whole numbers here.  We’re talking about the spaces between these numbers which is not currently described in our numerical system. 

This is because our numbers resulted from us lining up objects – say, apples.  1,2,3 apples in a row.  Now, you cut up an apple.  You don’t have 1,2,3,4, you have ½, ½, 2, 3  That’s the limitation of our current form of expression. 

He then shows me ice on the surface of a pond.  You see one thing.  1.  Ice.  That’s a whole number.

Then he says, “You must see more, the patterns that repeat between the numbers,” and he shows me something I’m quite familiar with – fractals.

Fractals are repeating patterns in nature – the universe is full of them.  Physicists can spend their entire careers investigating and testing fractal formulas.  Thousands of experiments have borne out that fractal patterning has something, a key something, to do with how life perpetuates itself.  It’s like searching for the key to power the perpetual motion machine.

So we’re on the right track here.


Albie says, “You must look closer,” and we zoom in upon the ice to see the crystal patterning that makes up the substance of the structure.  The pattern is feathering, curling, spiraling, building upon itself infinitely.  (This is not real ice made of finite molecules he’s showing me, but as we look closer and closer, we find this pattern of creation repeats.)

“The problem with your numbers is, we don’t have enough of them to describe this pattern.  Our numbers can only look at the surface, our three-dimensional formulas can not describe the repetition of the pattern in great enough detail that it will make sense to our brains.

“So what we need is more numbers?”

“Yes.  Our number system is base 10.  (The numbers start repeating after 9) – what we need is a base 1,000.  This means we have completely new, single-digit figures to describe 10-999, before we start with double-digits.  We must change our thinking.

“Are we working on this?”

“Oh yes, I am working quite closely with physicists,” and he shows me himself whispering in their ears, waking them up from a dead sleep with ideas.  “The ones in California are doing quite well, but the ones in Switzerland are doing better.  They have a computer and they are working on the numerical system with base 100.  Once the computers are able to describe the patterns, the human mind will begin to intuitively understand it.  We have to *imagine* it is possible, and then we will understand.”

This reminds me of the Einstein quote on the poster of Albie I had in my bedroom as a teenager:  “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

And the second, “Peace cannot be kept by force; it may only be achieved through understanding.”

Hmmm.  I know someone else who likes to talk about imagination, peace and understanding. 

“One more important thing you are missing:  a fourth dimension.”  Albie explained this to me by showing me a two dimensional line graph we commonly use in school, then adding the third line which symbolizes the third dimension.  This is still familiar to many of us who enjoy formulas used to describe a vector in space.

But then, Albie adds another line, right at the centre, which seems to turn the whole graph inside out. 

“This is the fourth dimension.  There are more dimensions, but you need to have at least four dimensions and base 1000 integers to be able to comprehend the fractal creation pattern you’re attempting to describe with string/M theory.”

Then Albie goes on, and this is my favourite part:

“Don’t worry, soon (how soon?) we will be teaching this formula to children.  For a few decades, this concept will be considered to be something only the highest minds in physics can wrap around, but then, we will begin teaching this to children, and you know what we will discover?

Children have an intuitive understanding of the concept of the infinite.  Children will learn in a day what grown men struggle to understand for years.  And you know who will be especially adept at the new math?  Young girls.

Really, Albie? 

(I gotta say, I felt personally vindicated by this.  I actually had a teacher tell me I shouldn’t try to keep up with my male friends in quantum mechanics, because they were “unusually intelligent” – the implied statement being that I was not as smart as my friends.  This pissed me off so much that I dropped the class; but the thing was, I *knew* I understood the nature of the physics he was trying to teach, and I was asking him questions he didn’t know how to answer.  I knew that the theories he was teaching as fact were fundamentally incorrect, and in fact, a few of these theories have been disproven in the past ten years.)

“Young girls,” Albie continued, “Have a unique advantage of having especially keen minds between the ages of 10 and 14.  This is the best time for them to learn physics theory.  This is because the brain is still agile, and yet not distracted by the body in the way young boys are.  Hormones that kick in for young boys affect and distract the mind much more than young girls in this time of their lives.  Girls will be the future of physics one day.”

 “This is why at this age, so many young girls feel they are not good at math – this is because they intuitively sense the flawed nature of the system we try to teach.  Their minds rebel against it, refuse to incorporate contradictory information.” 

Albie flashed to a shot of me at 16, bent over my calculus books.  I had a terrific struggle with calculus and was in fact failing the class for the first two months.  But, I had an excellent teacher who inspired me to work hard, and I used to go to the library for two hours every day and write out the formulas over and over.

One day, something in my brain clicked, and I intuitively understood all the concepts at once.  From that day forward I loved calculus, and I finished the class with 98%.  My beautiful teacher even allowed me to retake tests I’d failed earlier in the semester, so that my final grade would reflect my *current* understanding of the subject.

“This moment,” Albie showed me the day I *clicked* “is when you set aside your intuitive understanding of the fourth dimension.  When you set that aside, all the relationships make sense, and you can isolate and admire this small part of the fractal we dance with in our daily lives.”

The trouble with setting aside this intuitive understanding is that when physicists progress to the point of attempting to describe the nature of the universe and all creation, they have only at their disposal the tools which describe our limited experience of the universe during incarnation which is but a tiny portion of our existence.

“You must forget everything you learned in school.  Then the real learning may commence!”


That’s our first Albert Einstein Friday folks.  Next week, George (former Harrison) will begin his contributions.