Spirit Birthdays and Butter Tarts

Thanks Giving Dinner

Yesterday, while searching through my email for correspondence with another client, an email from 2013 popped up in front of me.  I did a bit of a double-take, because I recognized the name, though it had been five years since our session.

I wouldn’t normally reach out to a past client like this when we haven’t had contact for years, but I kept thinking about reaching out, getting these little nudges – which are usually invitations to experience something neat, on a spiritual level.

So I sent her a quick hello, in as respectful a way as possible, and suggested that perhaps, this was her dog’s way of saying hi after a few years.  Sometimes they like to take advantages of little connections like this.

Turns out, the pup’s birthday is next week.  While this beautiful dog had left her body, she still wanted to reach out to her human mom, and remind her.

It was very sweet, and pretty cool!  One of those tiny little miracles I enjoy so much as a part of this work.  You can’t *make* them happen, but sometimes if you listen to the little nudges, and reach out carefully and respectfully, neat things like this can happen.

Today, is also my mother’s birthday!  I have a little reminder set up in my calendar, because I don’t want to ever let a December 12th slip by without remembering it’s my mother’s birthday.  I like to just say aloud, Happy Birthday, before I do anything else with my day.

I would say my mom is having a good time in spirit.  I often feel her around when Sweetie and I are travelling or having a good time – I hear her laugh, layered with the laughing of others.  I feel her in the company of my grandmother, her mother, and my great-aunt.  I think they like to travel together, or tag along with us and I’m sure the other family members when we’re enjoying ourselves.

It’s neat, how happy I always perceive her to be, and she wants us to know she’s just fine.

It’s so interesting that birthdays seem to be a good time to connect with our loved ones in spirit.  I think it’s because we are thinking of them, and often the memories are lighter and happier on birthdays, than on other anniversary dates.  A lifetime of celebration creates a lightness around their birthdays – a dynamic energy that’s often full of love and cheerful memories.

I also think it’s easier for *them* to connect with *us*, when we create space for lightness and happy memories.  It takes a little discipline sometimes, and I will admit, my friends, I can get into a habit of being a tad morose on grief-related dates.  But I have some positive advice:

A friend of mine visits her grandfather’s grave on his birthday and eats a butter tart, which he loved.  I thought that was a great idea, so I’ve *also* had butter tarts on the anniversary of my mother’s death, as a way of doing something positive and creating happy habits on these important days.

I also happen to really enjoy butter tarts myself.  I spent a winter once, working on a recipe until I perfected it.  Perhaps I’ll post that later on!

I found I really needed to *do* something, because it does not do me, nor my mother, any good at all to allow myself to get depressed every year around dates of sad events, or dates which REMIND me of sad events.  It’s a lot to carry, and I’ve been working on letting it go.

As I mentioned before, sometimes we *need* to carry our grief with us for a time.  We don’t want to let it go too soon, because in a way, the deepness and length of time we grieve is a way of honoring what that person or animal friend truly meant to us.

But grief is also something you develop a relationship with.  You don’t have to fight it, or get rid of it, or get over it.  I personally welcome grief, especially in the beginning, because I know it’s helping me to get out all the feelings that demand witness.  Grief helps with that.

I also know my sneaky little brain can get into habits of thinking about the same things every day, or at certain times of the year, and I have learned that it can be a positive thing to engage these thoughts and negotiate with them, or re-purpose them, so they’re not something that’s simply happening to you, making you helpless and miserable, but instead something you can interact with, and actively engage, even incorporate into your life.

My mother died in April 2015, and today she would have been 67.  This morning, that thought made me sad.  Relatively speaking, she died young, certainly before anyone expected her to pass.  Of course, her birthday made me a bit sad this morning; that’s okay.  But do you think my mother, laughing and travelling in spirit, would want me to feel sad *all day* on her *birthday!?*  Every year???  OF COURSE NOT.

So for her sake, and my own, I have been incorporating these new little rituals in my life, on these significant dates, so that I can tell my body and my brain that while we can still feel sad, we can also celebrate, connect, and care for ourselves and those we have lost to spirit.

(Whenever I’m talking to myself, I seem to always shift to the plural form, “we”, which usually means my spirit form, my brain consciousness, my body, my dynamic layers of life experience, and all the people I’m connected with – including you, my dear reader, because we are surely as connected to each other through this blog as two trees on opposite edges of a forest, connected through a mass of touching roots.

 

I just realized that I need a happy ritual for my mother’s birthday.  What should it be?

Today, December 12th, and although St. Nicholas Day is December 6th, I have pretty vivid memories of getting little presents in my polished dress shoes on the same day my mother received her birthday presents.  There were sometimes red and white carnations, or a poinsettia from my father, and often there would be chocolate chip bundt cake.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do.  I’ll make that bundt cake recipe.  I need to get a bundt pan.

And I should pick up some stocking stuffers for Sweetie and wrap them!

Tonight is especially lovely, because we have the “Sail Past” in Ucluelet.   It’s this charming community tradition where locals decorate their boats in Christmas lights and sail around the harbour, shooting off fireworks!  It’s quite delightful and part of the charm of living in this small little town.  We have lived here for NINE years now!

WOW!

Anyway.  I guess I’m writing this post to reach out to those of you who may be missing your loved ones in spirit, especially this time of year.  I know it’s hard.  It’s not easy for me to talk about how tough it has been at times.

I’m so grateful to my friends – so many of whom I made through this blog, who have literally shown me how to have positive, happy feelings on days when I might otherwise be inclined to be sad.

I’m so thankful, and I love you all!

Happy Birthday Mom, and Happy Holidays, my friends!

 

 

 

New Episode PLUS! Other new stuff!

I’ve been a bit tardy in cross-posting this past week’s new podcast episode, Spiritual Food for the Soul.  It *did* go up on time, thanks to my lovely audio assistant, Jenn Edds, but I just didn’t tell YOU, lovely blog readers!

That’s because I’ve been distracted by some amazingly cool stuff that’s been happening behind the scenes, and last week I was completely thrilled to have Jessica Kupferman rave on her podcast, about her session with me.  I clipped that audio and posted it in my testimonials section.  Have a listen and please celebrate with me!!!

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If you’re enjoying the podcast, you may want to subscribe to it through itunes!  That way, you’ll never miss an episode, and it’ll automatically download on to your ipod / iphone / apple device.

I think what I’ll do for you folks that prefer to listen to it on the website joyfultelepathy.com, is I’ll create an email list that automatically sends you an email when a new episode is posted.  I’ll get that organized in the coming months.

Now, the update:

Folks, I’ve been busy actually implementing some of the things which Jess and Elsie of She Podcasts have suggested I do, to help grow the blog and the podcast.  You see, I haven’t paid much attention to how I’m “supposed” to do this blogging thing, because we’ve done really well so far, haven’t we?  It’s been FIVE YEARS since I started this blog, and look at all the amazing people I’ve connected with!  There are more of you than are commenting publicly who have intense spiritual experiences with your personal guides and / or celebrity ghosts, and as rational people, you felt you were letting your imagination run away a bit.  And then you found this blog, and learned *maybe* you’re not crazy.  Maybe you’re just psychic, or intuitive, or have *something real* going on, and not just imagination.  So this wonderful blog has brought us all together.

And how do I begin to sum up the Channeling Erik connection?  I can’t sum it up.  Elisa and all you wonderful people who’ve come over from the Channeling Erik blog are a delight and an honour to know.  Thank you.  If the Vancouver Channeling Erik event happens at the end of September, I will probably be there.

So yeah, I think we’re doing pretty well, here in blogland.  But I want to do better.  Do you know why?  Because every once in a while I get emails from people wondering how in the hell they haven’t heard of me before now, wishing they’d found my blog or podcast sooner.  I know why my blog isn’t as visible as it could be – because I don’t post every day.  I *can’t* post every day, I just don’t have the time or the sheer energy to post with the frequency and consistency necessary to make a blog highly visible, like Elisa Medhus has done.

But do you know what I am working on?  The podcast.  That’s my little creativity and business project this year, and I think I’m doing really well.  On Monday the 4th I have recorded yet ANOTHER ghost stories podcast episode, with another hospital friend of mine, and she has some really amazing experiences to share.  I’m really looking forward to posting that one soon.

I’m also learning how to actually *use* twitter a bit better.  I have nearly 5,000 followers – holy crow!  Some of you readers FOUND ME on twitter!  How cool is that?  I need to make the twitter thing work a bit better for me, so that I can reach more people, so while I’m working on that stuff, I’m *not* blogging.  While I’m working on the podcast, I’m *not* blogging!  So it might look a little quiet around here, even though it’s busier than ever!

If you ARE wondering what I’m up to, you can scroll down on this page and look at the left hand column (if you’re on your iphone you will have to scroll to the end of the page).  You’ll see a live stream of my tweets and facebook updates.  When I’m feeling like I need a bit of recreation, I tend to hop on to facebook, twitter and instagram, so when the blog is quiet, as happens every once in a while, you can always scroll down or hop over to your favourite social media platform and see what’s going on there.  You can always send me a joke involving puns, I can never get enough of those!

So without further ado, here is last week’s podcast episode:

42 spiritual food

Did you know that everything has a resonance?  Everything.  From the boxed chicken fingers I was living off of last year, to the fresh lettuce grown in my back yard!

So how does all this affect our bodies, and how can you experiment with the energy resonance of food to help tune your own psychic radio?  That’s what this episode is all about!

There is even a Bonus track! Elsie Escobar & Jessica Kupferman get effusive about MY PODCAST!  Clip is at the end of this episode!  Hear the original She Podcasts Episode 88  (You can also hear Elsie’s clip on the Testimonials page of my website, look to the right column under Podcast Praise.)

 

Weaponized Victim Power!

weaponized victimhood

 

Sweetie and I are both Aries. Though we appear to be quiet, we both have fiery personalities. I remember this most when we have little fights. Our emotions are hugely powerful, the energy in the room snaps with tension and the need to be heard.

 

I grew up in a family that forbade open fighting. If my sister and I argued, we’d both get in trouble and sent to our separate rooms – so this drove the fighting underground. I don’t know why this happened, but I’m sure it had something to do with parents wanting to protect their kids from conflict. Every family has it’s dynamics, this was ours: still waters have a damn powerful undertow. My emotion was something to hide and strategically release later on.

 

Sweetie grew up in a large family with FOUR older brothers. As the youngest by 12 years and the only girl, she had to learn to SHOUT to be heard. When we got together, these differing styles of reacting to conflict came into sharp relief. My icy silence with her volume. We both had to move towards the middle.

 

I brought the silence through my adulthood.  I *never* fought in any of my relationships prior to being with Sweetie. She had to actually teach me HOW to fight. And I had to teach her how to bring it down a notch. I think that ultimately, when you both want to be together, you’re both equally motivated to figure shit out.

 

A few weeks ago, Sweetie said something to me that probably would have blown up into a massive fight had she said any sooner:

 

“You position yourself as the victim. When you do that, I am the asshole, and that’s not fair to me.”

 

This may have been said at a loud volume.

 

It was a completely silly mini-fight, we were both tired and I was snippy because I’d expected her to realize I needed help with the groceries and skipped the part where I should have asked nicely. I went straight to cranky. Sweetie will throw cranky right back into my lap, she doesn’t take that shit from me for a second.

 

A few years ago, accusing me of “positioning myself as a victim” would have deeply upset me. I would have felt *wounded*. You know, victimized. I would have allowed the hurt of this statement to injure me and my pain would be proof of my innocence and status as a victim in this fight.

 

As soon as she said it, I could see she wanted to grab the words out of the air and stuff them back into her mouth. The words stopped our fight dead. I was stunned.

 

She was right.

 

In that moment, I realized I utilize my own sense of victimization to elevate myself in any conflict. I am the one done wrong here, I’m a good person with good intentions, therefore I *can’t* be the one at fault here. It’s this other person who’s doing me wrong.

 

Right?

 

I had no idea I was weaponizing my own victimization! And how messed up is that??? It’s probably the most toxic guilt trip you could ever throw at a loved one.

 

I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now, and I’ve started to see this tactic at play in other areas of my life. If and when someone positions themselves as being victimized by me, there’s not much I can do about it… Except feel victimized! For example, our previous landlady felt victimized by our use of the shared washer and dryer. To keep the peace and avoid conflict, I started to bike as big a bag of laundry as I could carry the 30 minutes into town to process it at the laundry mat. Talk about a martyr complex. I hate conflict so much, I’d rather bike in the rain with garbage bags of my clothes and spent an extra $40 a month so I can avoid one more conversation, feeling angry and victimized the entire time.

 

It’s interesting how two people can weaponize victimization in a single conflict. In grief, there is sometimes terrible fallout for families after losing a loved one, particularly a parent or child. I’ve previously talked about the very common question that comes up during readings: Does ____ see how ____ is behaving?

 

There is so much pain behind that question.

 

I’m working my way through the book “Nonviolent Communication”. I’m still learning how to shift my own tendency to position myself as a victim, and instead ask “What is my unmet need? What is the unmet need of this other person?”

 

The answers are not always obvious, and sometimes, we’re limited by the actions of other people. Like Sweetie & I are motivated by our mutual desire to get along and work things out, it’s hard to set aside your own power of victimization. Although Sweetie managed to perfectly time her illumination of my own victim complex, if she’d done that any earlier, I probably would’ve been mighty pissed. You can’t just take away someone’s weaponized victimhood. That would only super-charge it.

 

I really like Catherine’s comment in the previous entry. She said: I tend to diffuse potential heated confrontations nowadays by simply stating that I am unwilling to get into an argument, we have differing opinions, I respect theirs and we’ll have to agree to disagree. It’s like a firework being drenched in water : it fizzles out very quickly!

 

This is great in situations where you can walk away, where agreeing to disagree is an option. It’s a viable option in a lot of long-term relationships… but hey, I can only affect my own sense of victimization. I can only choose to disarm my own victim weaponization. If someone else wants to hold on to their own sense of injury because it helps them to feel more in-control, more powerful, well, the only thing we can do with that is not be victimized by that action. Break the cycle of weaponized victimization.

 

Lay down arms, accept, and observe. Maybe set up some boundary patrol.

 

Does this all make sense you guys? Have you ever caught yourself weaponizing your own victimization?

 

 

Do you have Wealthy Enough-ness?

sailboat

I feel like there are two conflicting messages floating out there in Spiritualist Land: 1) You shouldn’t need stuff to be happy, and 2) There is unlimited stuff to be had and you’re entitled to every bit you can get.

#1 is about Buddhist non-attachment, that we create our own unhappiness by *wanting* something other than what we have – that true happiness can be attained by simply learning to love and accept what you have.

The trouble is, what if you don’t have enough?

“Enough” is a moving target. It’s different for everyone, and it shifts depending on our life circumstances, our needs in the context of our life. When I was 19, I was living off of $600 a month. I was sharing an apartment with a friend and adopted Leo, my first cat. I was happy. I had enough.

It was enough until my roommate threw a mushroom party without giving me advance notice. Then I needed my own place. I needed my own door that locked.

I changed jobs, started making a few hundred more a month, and moved down the road into my own 1 bedroom attic. For the first time in my life, people needed permission to be in my space. I even had a few pieces of furniture. That was enough for a while.

“Enough” shifts. For me, “enough” is about safety and opportunity for enjoyment in life. Safety breaks down into “enough” income and privacy. When I don’t have enough safety, I can’t be productive. I can’t do my best work. I’m in survival mode. Having the opportunity to rise above survival mode is an incredible gift!

So much has changed in the last few weeks and months. Hell, looking back on the last 10 years of my life has seen white-water rapid change. Are my feet finally on solid ground now? Have I reached this mythical island called Enough?

I love our new house. It’s so quiet. It’s HUGE! It feels like a real home. I feel safe there – so safe, I’m hesitant to leave the house, ever! I just want to sit in my kitchen, writing and drinking coffee, or cooking and chatting with Sweetie. Or I want to sit in my office, working with clients, plotting my class and podcasts. OR, and this is the best one, I want to hang out in bed – our big, comfortable bed that’s off the floor, that has bedside lamps and enough storage space to contain all our clothing.

I would never want to live in a tiny house. That’s not enough for me.

When Sweetie & I moved out to the coast in 2009, we bought very little with us. No furniture, just a laptop computer, a few Rubbermaid bins of kitchen accessories, and our four pets. We travelled almost 5,000 km by train from Toronto to Vancouver, then drove out to Ucluelet with a rented truck. We had very little in terms of “stuff”. We moved into a bachelor cabin for six months and barely made a dent in the place.

Sure we can adapt, and “enough” is a moving target. If I was homeless, a tiny house would be heaven on earth. But for the me I am right now (see what I did there?) enough is the sweet spot between what I need to do what I want, and what I have. When those things line up, God, life is good.

The flip side of Enough – the blindingly shiny side of the coin – is the abundance philosophy. I haven’t quite figured this out yet. There are great things about the *ideas* of creating immense positive expansion through leveraging your earning potential and building personal financial wealth. There’s freedom and enormous creative possibility! Just look at a well-backed self-published book launch, or a high-profile concert or art show! Money is energy you can use to power your creations!

The thing is, I’ve noticed that a lot of people *selling* the idea of wealthy abundance don’t have the energy of calm, peaceful enough-ness. So, I kinda don’t believe them! People who have calm, peaceful wealth aren’t on facebook constantly sharing quotes from The Secret.  They’re not trying to sell me their secret to life. No, they’re quietly and generously supporting the good things in the world.

I think that’s my definition of wealth. Enough is when you have what you need to feel safe, do your work with the support you need, and to do the things that make you happy and balanced. Wealth grows from enough, and it’s not simply money. How many financially wealthy people make sacrifices that are too steep, which impact their feeling of “enough”? Surplus money but deficit family / vacation time? I’ve burned out enough times to know that money can’t buy your way out of adrenal fatigue.

Enough can’t just be about financial security, it’s about moving with that shifting target.

I’ve heard a few women declare that work / life balance is impossible to achieve. Nothing in life is about balance, and a great way to accelerate change is to create IMBALANCE in your life.

I guess that’s one way of accomplishing things. It’s liberating for some people to give themselves permission to focus intensely on a project to the exclusion of all other things. Some people do their best work that way! Maybe that’s their “enough”! Enough time to start this new thing – they need ALL of the time!

Personally, I need that balance. It’s hard to live on a swinging pendulum. I like my nest, I like my work-life balance. I love having enough. Big enough, quiet enough, safe enough. I am wealthy with enough-ness right now.   I feel like a boat that’s weathered more than a few ocean storms, who has finally made the safe harbour and is moored in peace.

We’ll do repairs, we’ll stock up, and at some point, we’ll head out again.

Ep 31. Spiritual Health and Illness

31 spiritual health and illness

This episode is my hilarious crack at Podcasting while Laundering.  I thought it was *such* a great idea to podcast in my car while I waited for my laundry to process – aaaaaaand it ended up in a few stops and starts as washer malfunctions and background band saws played their part in the production.

But, I completed the episode!  Hurray!  Brooke, Caitlyn and Stacey all tweeted at me in response to Episode 30, the podcast on the Spiritual Nature of Mental Illness, and David, my Vancouver friend actually came all the way over to Tofino to have a discussion with me in person!  I am feeling the love you guys, thank you so much!

The spiritual nature of physical and mental illness is a topic I’ve been wrestling with for years, and I just adore the sharing I received from you fabulous friends.  Thank you so much and Enjoy!

Ep. 30 Sunshine Talks about the Vet

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We’re back!  Another episode of the Joyful Telepathy Podcast!!

Sunshine and I have a little conversation about her experience at the vet yesterday.  I talk about my impression of the vet, how we caught Sunshine’s hyperthyroidism relatively early, and we have some questions for YOU GUYS on what you think about mental illness?  Does mental illness have spiritual implications, or is it purely a physical ailment?  Do you have experiences you’d like to share?

Email your thoughts / story to:  feedback@joyfultelepathy.com

We’ll discuss this in a future episode of the Joyful Telepathy Podcast!

Crazy for You

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Okay, so I made a little mistake. It’s easily corrected.

In my zeal and enthusiasm to catch up the reading list in December, I failed to leave room in my schedule to do *anything other than readings*. This is why it’s been so hard to blog, do the podcast and catch up my bookkeeping!

Minor oversight.

I’m going to rejigger my schedule, you know, when I get the time, so I can create some space to actually work on the projects I was so enthusiastic about in 2014… but also create space for fun time. It’s a constant balancing act.

One major factor in my life this past month has been an island-wide flu outbreak, and we’re not just talking about the regular flu. We’re talking a nasty, struggling to breathe, severely ill and dying flu. It reminds me a bit of SARS, except the nurses and doctors aren’t going to ICU a week later with the same illness. It’s been really tough. This is me at the hospital:

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I had a fantastic day of readings on Sunday. I’m so grateful for you amazing people. I read for a few new people this weekend who were all beautiful souls. I felt so full of energy on Sunday.

Honestly folks, that’s it. That has been my life for the past month. I’m trying to get my feet back on the ground!

But speaking of readings, did you know I’m taking the last week of January off of the hospital, so I can fill it with pet readings?? Did you know I have this sale on pet readings right now? $50 for 15 mins! I haven’t don’t that since April 2013!

Sunshine needs some dentistry, and she’s dropped some significant weight recently, despite all her eating. I’ll be taking her in to the vet for another checkup before her dentistry, to get some bloodwork done and hopefully figure out the sudden weight loss. Two weeks ago the vet pronounced her healthy, but in need of dentistry. Now with the weight loss, I’m worried.

All of the funds raised for the Sunshine’s Smile Pet Reading Sale will go towards her vet bills! You can book yourself a session today!

Ep. 29 Your Energy Cycle

29. your energy cycle

Hey everyone, I’m back!  I thought I’d re-introduce the podcast after nearly a month off with an episode about energy and how I experience and cope with cyclical ups and downs in my energy level.

If you go back and look at the month overview of the blog over the years, you’ll see a pattern of posting in bursts, and then posting less frequently for a few weeks or even months.  This is just how it goes with me, and I’m sure this is how it goes with some of you too. 

Some of us do not have a steady supply of energy – some people have cyclical ups and downs.  In a world where everything is scheduled, in a culture where consistency is expected – even demanded, how do you cope as a person with cyclical energy patterns?

How do you make the most of the uptime?  How do you manage your limited energy resources and capabilities during a downswing?  How do you get past feelings of failure or inadequacy during a downswing?  How do you ride the wave of new energy and avoid burnout in the future?

So I thought I’d talk about that – what a cyclical energy pattern may look like, the troubles it can cause and ways to make it easier.

I hope you enjoy it.

Oh and keep your eyes peeled – at the end of January, I’ll do a special on Pet Readings as a fundraiser for Sunshine’s Dental work.  I’m going to put the planning for that on the front burner so hopefully in the next week and a half, I’ll launch all the details. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!!

Injury = Productivity?

2014-11-01 Truth-Antahkarana

Celebrate, y’all!  It’s November!  October is OVAH!  But not before I managed to tweak my back again.  Get this:

I was feeling pretty good.  Cocky, even.  I’m a freaking psychic, I *know* how to heal my body.  I was feeling strong, healthy, and ambitious!

I got home on Thursday night, a little distracted by the things I was wanting to do this weekend.  I noticed the toilet bowl was empty of water, so I flushed it without thinking…  and the water started to back up.

Horrifyingly dark water, rising rapidly!

I snatched for the plunger and *EEERK*!  Ah, no!  Not my back!  Not now!

Yes, now.

All I could do was sit on the bathroom floor, breathing through the muscle spasm, trying not to do anything that would make it worse, helpless to do ANYTHING about the smelly, swirling vortex rising relentlessly in the toilet bowl.  Dear god, I thought, please don’t let it overflow.  I knew I couldn’t get out of the way if it did.

It didn’t.

So I just took it easy yesterday, spending most of the day installed on a heating pad with muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories coursing through my bloodstream… and I’ll tell you, I got so much done!

I finally got my booking system on to an online system.  This has already improved the process monumentally – instead of playing email tag with clients for days or weeks to figure out a date and collect payment, this new system does it all for me!  I woke up this morning and two people had booked themselves appointments and paid for them.

Hallelujah!  I may be able to double the number of weekly readings I can manage with all the time I’m saving with this billing system and having a cleaner.

And that makes me very, very happy.  Maybe this is why I hurt my back this month.

 

 

 

Adjustment Required

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I was supposed to be going to a remote medical outpost tomorrow to help them organize their supplies.

Instead I threw my back out.

Louise Hay created a chart of common ailments and possible energetic causes, and I’ve found this to be true for a majority of illnesses and injuries that hit me out of nowhere.

Here is a list compiled by another awesome blogger.

Yesterday I got to work and immediately tweaked my back. Let me say, if you’re going to injure yourself, the best possible scenario is to get hurt when you’re already at a hospital.

My perceptive nurse friend suggested, “you know, sometimes people try to put their pain behind them. Sometimes it’s easier to deal with physical pain than emotional pain.”

Check out the back chart:

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I have all three of those things going on.

Within fifteen minutes my doc had ordered some morphine, along with muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories. Now, I know I enjoy opioids, so I declined the injection of morphine.

I just don’t want to risk becoming a person who goes “I tweaked my back, AWESOME! Morphine time!”

I’ve seen this happen, so I figure if I can cope with the pain, I’d rather do that.

Thirty minutes later I accepted a single morphine tablet.

It’s interesting what happened after I took it: all emotional pain stopped.

Pain can become this background presence you just ignore and almost forget it’s there. It just becomes normal.

I remember when I was a teenager and experiencing (as yet undiagnosed) depression, I realized I was reaching for Tylenol when I didn’t actually have a headache. It took me a moment to realize the pain I was medicating was emotional.

It was a surprise today to feel the opiates lift me out of this heaviness and worry.

I can really understand why people get addicted to this.

Okay body, message received.