I’ve been working on this for quite a while, but recently learned enough to produce a decent video!
Here I go, talking about why I do not smudge, in more detail:
I hope you enjoy it!
I’ve been working on this for quite a while, but recently learned enough to produce a decent video!
Here I go, talking about why I do not smudge, in more detail:
I hope you enjoy it!
I’ve been a bit tardy in cross-posting this past week’s new podcast episode, Spiritual Food for the Soul. It *did* go up on time, thanks to my lovely audio assistant, Jenn Edds, but I just didn’t tell YOU, lovely blog readers!
That’s because I’ve been distracted by some amazingly cool stuff that’s been happening behind the scenes, and last week I was completely thrilled to have Jessica Kupferman rave on her podcast, about her session with me. I clipped that audio and posted it in my testimonials section. Have a listen and please celebrate with me!!!
If you’re enjoying the podcast, you may want to subscribe to it through itunes! That way, you’ll never miss an episode, and it’ll automatically download on to your ipod / iphone / apple device.
I think what I’ll do for you folks that prefer to listen to it on the website joyfultelepathy.com, is I’ll create an email list that automatically sends you an email when a new episode is posted. I’ll get that organized in the coming months.
Now, the update:
Folks, I’ve been busy actually implementing some of the things which Jess and Elsie of She Podcasts have suggested I do, to help grow the blog and the podcast. You see, I haven’t paid much attention to how I’m “supposed” to do this blogging thing, because we’ve done really well so far, haven’t we? It’s been FIVE YEARS since I started this blog, and look at all the amazing people I’ve connected with! There are more of you than are commenting publicly who have intense spiritual experiences with your personal guides and / or celebrity ghosts, and as rational people, you felt you were letting your imagination run away a bit. And then you found this blog, and learned *maybe* you’re not crazy. Maybe you’re just psychic, or intuitive, or have *something real* going on, and not just imagination. So this wonderful blog has brought us all together.
And how do I begin to sum up the Channeling Erik connection? I can’t sum it up. Elisa and all you wonderful people who’ve come over from the Channeling Erik blog are a delight and an honour to know. Thank you. If the Vancouver Channeling Erik event happens at the end of September, I will probably be there.
So yeah, I think we’re doing pretty well, here in blogland. But I want to do better. Do you know why? Because every once in a while I get emails from people wondering how in the hell they haven’t heard of me before now, wishing they’d found my blog or podcast sooner. I know why my blog isn’t as visible as it could be – because I don’t post every day. I *can’t* post every day, I just don’t have the time or the sheer energy to post with the frequency and consistency necessary to make a blog highly visible, like Elisa Medhus has done.
But do you know what I am working on? The podcast. That’s my little creativity and business project this year, and I think I’m doing really well. On Monday the 4th I have recorded yet ANOTHER ghost stories podcast episode, with another hospital friend of mine, and she has some really amazing experiences to share. I’m really looking forward to posting that one soon.
I’m also learning how to actually *use* twitter a bit better. I have nearly 5,000 followers – holy crow! Some of you readers FOUND ME on twitter! How cool is that? I need to make the twitter thing work a bit better for me, so that I can reach more people, so while I’m working on that stuff, I’m *not* blogging. While I’m working on the podcast, I’m *not* blogging! So it might look a little quiet around here, even though it’s busier than ever!
If you ARE wondering what I’m up to, you can scroll down on this page and look at the left hand column (if you’re on your iphone you will have to scroll to the end of the page). You’ll see a live stream of my tweets and facebook updates. When I’m feeling like I need a bit of recreation, I tend to hop on to facebook, twitter and instagram, so when the blog is quiet, as happens every once in a while, you can always scroll down or hop over to your favourite social media platform and see what’s going on there. You can always send me a joke involving puns, I can never get enough of those!
So without further ado, here is last week’s podcast episode:
Did you know that everything has a resonance? Everything. From the boxed chicken fingers I was living off of last year, to the fresh lettuce grown in my back yard!
So how does all this affect our bodies, and how can you experiment with the energy resonance of food to help tune your own psychic radio? That’s what this episode is all about!
There is even a Bonus track! Elsie Escobar & Jessica Kupferman get effusive about MY PODCAST! Clip is at the end of this episode! Hear the original She Podcasts Episode 88 (You can also hear Elsie’s clip on the Testimonials page of my website, look to the right column under Podcast Praise.)
Picking up where we left off yesterday, we were talking to the human oversoul, aka The Mother.
Do aliens have oversouls …… each variety with its own? Does the human oversoul naturally engage well or poorly with different ones?
Yes! There are many beautiful planets with living, incarnated children. You are asking about the three known species (shows me tall whites, short pinks, short greys.) They are all loving, beauful beings, although each species has it’s own challenges. The nature of their incarnations are different, particularly the (short pinks) who inhabit their bodies like you communicate with animals. They are less bound by incarnation, and more studying sensuous existence.
Yes, the planets and the oversouls of off-earth species communicate with the oversouls of earthly species. There are species-sharing, species that are inter-related across planets. Earth is not an isolated anomaly! If humans are my children, other intellectual species with similar capacities for logical thought and communication would be your cousins.
There are many species that are similar across planetary ecosystems. Start with macro-life. Amoeba have oversouls. This is the very source of intelligent design! Evolution is not random, for heaven’s sake! Not at all! How would anything be accomplished if left to chaos and chance? Chaos will always fall to order, to system and ultimately, to evolution, even in the “vacuum” of space.
Kate: I swear you guys, she just made a joke about mothers needing vacuums. “Every Mother needs a vacuum! Ha ha!” I had to do a double-take. Did that just happen, or was that me? The thing is, *I* wouldn’t make a joke like that. Did the Mother just make a joke and my knee-jerk reaction was “Hey! That’s sexist!” My reaction is part of why it’s funny!
I wish there was a way to write about what just happened without butchering the joke by explaining it! There were so many layers to that one, and the Mother is asking me to have a sense of humour about myself, too! I appreciate the reminder.
Are oversouls planet-linked? Does the range of a given oversoul ever extend to other planetary systems?
Yes, it is useful to think of the relation as ancestral. If I am the mother of humanity as it exists today, and I relate to you in near-human form, the next “level” is my OWN parents. Imagine again, the light and the crystal refraction. If the colours red, blue and purple are formed by a crystal, the crystal is their mother. But who is the parent of the light before it refracted?
At some point, you return to the source of the light, which is useful to think of as “Source” or “God” or “Universe” or even nothingness, mere potential, the silence before the BANG!
There are ancestors all along the line of evolution. Every branch has a Mother, an oversoul. This is why a diverse species like dogs require many oversouls! A great-grand parent for all dog-like creatures, whose children created wolves, jacklys, foxes and dogs. The dog branch bloomed out BEAUTIFULLY! So many different flowers! How do you fit so many flowers on to one plant? It continues to branch out. The oversoul forms based on the need of the species, or the sub-species, and the oversoul you perceive / connect with depends on how you address your questions and to whom.
The answers you receive depend upon who you ask, and the context of your questions.
Some species share oversouls across planets. Plants are highly specialized, and their oversouls (so-named Devas in my brain because I’ve read the Findhorn books) are specialized. There are oversouls of small ecosystems, oversouls of particular plants and oversouls of the very earth and compost.
Compost! The wonderful collection of micro-organizms which transform life, which yield new life and support ALL life on earth! You have not even THOUGHT to ask about the most vital oversoul of all – the Mother of SMALL LIFE!
The Mother of microscopic life is essentially the earth herself. These microorganisms control the world, control the fate of the planet, begin and end all life.
There seems to be some kind of hierarchy …. or structure, at least, in spirit. How do oversouls fit into that structure? What lies “above,” “below,” or “beside” the oversoul classification? (I realize that there may well not be a “higher or lower,” but there are “proximities” and inter-relationships of some sort.)
I believe we have addressed your question with the refracting light and the branching flowers – life is the expansion, the growth. Hierarchies can be seen to exist – such as the food chain. Microscopic life is consumed by ever-larger species until you reach the apex predator. Yet the predator is dependent upon every block in the pyramid, or it would cease to exist in that form. The lion is decended from, and dependant upon the infinetly small microscopic processes that support his existence on earth.
Kate: So, wait. Could the bacteria in the gut of the lion be perceived as the lion’s spiritual grandparents?
Mother: It doesn’t appear that’s a useful image for you, and for others. Let’s look at it like a forest. The lion is not the most important creature in the forest, though he might be the loudest. The lion’s very existence depends upon the existence of the forest, and so the oversouls and devas of all the species in the ecosystem are connected to each other.
Sometimes, these oversouls have been perceived as fighting each other. This is why humanity creates stories about gods who fight, the sun is chasing the moon! You can see the “battles” as the mere pruning of the branches, creating room for new growth, new evolution, new lessons, further generations of children!
**** There’s more to come! Keep your eye out next week!
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A while back on the Joyful Telepathy podcast, I did an episode about “oversouls”. (Here it is.) In a nutshell, An oversoul is the level of consciousness that is higher up the chain, closer to source, than the incarnated individuals.
I used the example of the sea urchins – a single urchin, when broken off of the bunch, will have a single voice – but unless you cut it off, the whole colony of urchin will speak with a single voice, just like the Borg from Star Trek. This is a hive mind, not an oversoul. This hive mind consciousness happens whenever there’s a group of individuals that don’t differentiate themselves from their fellows. Herd animals, flock animals, inscects – all these creatures can experience hive / collective consciousness. They don’t HAVE TO, it’s more a phenomena that seems to happen. I’ve spoken with chickens that see themselves as unique and separate from the others, and I’ve spoken with chickens who experience life as a group – who are so close to their feathered companions they’re practically tethered together, telepathically. It’s a useful state of mind, especially for prey animals. Why limit yourself to two sets of eyes when you could see out of sixteen?
Collective consciousness or hive minds are for incarnated beings, it’s blurring the lines that separate us as incarnated individuals. Oversouls is something else again, it’s higher.
Consciousness manifests itself as you address it. This is why, when our loved ones cross over, they appear to us as their most recent incarnation – that’s how we know them, and how we’ll relate to them.
When you think of an oversoul, don’t think of this as a separate angel / queen / god of the species, but as a way the consciousness has of manifesting itself to us so that we can understand and relate to that level of knowledge.
For me, whenever I’ve accidentally or intentionally addressed oversouls, I get a vision of a majestic ruler of that species, or even of that type of animal. The husky / sled dogs of the north have an accessible oversoul, for example. So do Chihuahuas, so do herding dogs. I think this centralization of consciousness helps the incarnated species, somehow. I have all sorts of theories about this, but I this is going to be a long post and I want to stay on track.
As I was saying, a while back on the podcast I put out a request for questions for the Human Oversoul. For months, I didn’t get any questions. I let it drop, thinking the audience wasn’t really interested in that topic… and because I couldn’t really think of anything to ask. Where do you start? It’s such a huge idea.
Fortunately, my friend Bruce came up with LOTS of questions to get us going! I was so happy! Then I promptly lost this list of questions and stopped everything while my life reorganized itself.
Kindly, Bruce has re-sent these questions. Fabulous! But then, I found myself blocked, FOR WEEKS. I was actually having trouble accessing the a Human Oversoul.
What was I doing wrong? Was I going too far up the consciousness chain? Was I really trying to address “God” in a roundabout way, or the planet Earth’s consciousness? Something about the way I was approaching the contact wasn’t gelling, wasn’t working for me.
And then it clicked, in one beautiful moment. I would address “The Mother”. Not the “Human Oversoul” exactly, but the creative source of humanity, the love, the emotion, rather than the intellect. It’s not intellect or intelligence that binds us humans together on a spiritual / energetic level – it’s EMOTION that is at the crux of the human experience.
The way I’m tuned, particularly after my mother’s death, I thought I’d address the idea of the “Human Oversoul” as “The Mother” figure of humanity. What if I addressed this level of consciousness as the loving mother of all of us? What if I tapped into the unconditional love of a spiritual mother figure?
Jackpot. And the answers began to flow.
We’ll break this into three parts. Here it is: Part 1.
The Mother appears surprisingly short, as though she manifested first for our ancesters, our common humanity before we spread across the globe.
What was the very beginning of the human species we know today?
There have been three blooms of my children. The first blossom was a failure (shows me just a few hundred people, all wiped out.) The second bloom over ten thousand years ago, the creation of a branch of brothers and sisters who did not survive into modern times (shows me a short stature and nearly unbreakable bone-density, large teeth, quiet peaceful natures.) The third bloom happened eight thousand years ago, and cascades over the earth today. You choose which species of humanity (choose the place where you’d like to mark as the beginning.)
There appear to be stages in the development of human beings. Was there a time when hominid precursors of homo sapiens (as we now call ourselves) were just too primitive to fit into the human oversoul? Conversely, will a time come when the race develops beyond the need for an oversoul?
Do you ever outgrow the need for a mother?
An oversoul can be viewed as the overseeing mother of the collective experience of a manifest consciousness. (Shows me the soul bubbles.) How you define the birth of humanity will affect how you define me, and my form will shift to assist your understanding in the context of your questions. There is always an oversoul, life is not possible without a mother.
“Primative” is a selection, a division among children / family. A mother may have a “primitive” child, as defined by that child’s abilities in the context of her environment. A mother may have a child who thrives in that environment and is “gifted”. She loves them both. She worries about them both. She works to guide, protect and preserve them both. Mothers, ultimately, release their children to their own lives, to the world, to their own decisions, to their fate. There was a time when it was *expected* that mothers would see some or all of their children die. I mourn my “primitive” children in the past, I am the immortal soul consciousness of all of humanity.
Where this consciousness, this knowledge, begins and ends, is defined by your question. I am *delighted* your first question poses such a paradoxical answer!
(She explains that a paradox is an answer that seems impossible to nail down, that may be correct and wrong at the same time. She doesn’t explain this for Bruce’s benefit, but for all the people in the future who don’t know what “paradoxical” means and who won’t look it up, because it’s the mother’s responsibility to anticipate the educational needs of her children!)
Bruce: Some say that humans were always humans and the various stages of early man were unique unto themselves and really separate species. If so, did these early hominid have their own distinct oversoul(s).
Kate: I need to reword this for my own brain to process it: Okay. Imagine the image of the ape evolving into a man.
At what point on that scale do you say, “THAT is no longer an ape, that is a human – or that is Early Human Version 1.” Does Early Human V1 have it’s own mother oversoul? When did it separate from the oversoul of the “Ape”? Is the oversoul of Early Human V1 different from the Ape oversoul, and different from the Mother I’m talking to right now?
Mother: (feeling of delight) Yes! As you define and perceive the differences between animal, early human and human, the oversoul becomes tangible. Let me show you.
(Shows me a triangle crystal, refracting a beam of light into a rainbow of colour.) Your perception of this image – you see a white light travelling through the crystal and separating into six colours. Six species of light. Each colour has a unique experience.
If you address Purple as a species, you can talk to her oversoul. You can relate to all things Purple, the purpose of Purple, how Purple experiences life on earth. As Purple expands, she needs her own mother. She *perceives* her mother to be different from the mother of Red or Blue.
In this way, ALL CHILDREN on earth have unique mothers. Their *experience* of their mother was unique to their own lifetime, different from their siblings. A mother may answer questions differently to individual children, depending upon that child’s needs, depending on how the question is framed and timed.
And so again, in order to answer your question definitively, I would need to ask you, beautiful one, to choose the parameters.
The Purple exists because you perceive it to be different and separate from the other colours. The Purple’s mother could be at the beginning of the refraction, or the crystal itself could be addressed as the Mother of all colour on earth.
How you choose to address and define the oversoul is how the higher levels of creation manifest their answers. The answers are always defined by and adapted to the child’s current level of development and understanding. Beautiful child, the answers to your questions will change over time! Please keep asking!
Bruce: How do the various oversouls interrelate with one another? Are they indeed entirely discrete? Do some oversouls naturally have a smoother “interface” than others? Are there some that repel each other?
Kate: Sorry, Bruce, in medium mode I often have to re-word questions so that I can incorporate and fully understand your question, before I can ask it and understand the answer. In my own words, are oversouls able to speak to each other? Are there big oversoul conferences? Can they perceive each other? Do some miss each other entirely because of differences in their levels, vibrations – whatever?
Understand, your question stems from your human existence. You impose your human form on your ideas of oversouls, and those ideas frame your questions.
As you imagine the oversoul to be the mother of a particular species or group experience, you can easily imagine there are parent-teacher conferences! And so there are!
Parents and teachers gather to discuss the needs of the kids, what is happening (good or bad, healthy or not) and how the progression can be corrected, directed, assisted.
As the Mother of humankind, my concern is for the human children. As needed, I conference with the parents of other children (other species on earth who are impacted by humanity.)
Wow, Humanity must look like an out-of-control school yard bully on earth right now, to the other oversouls of the planetary species.
Yes, but there is no outrage, anger or jealousy that you would see in a human parent – teacher conference. The other parents are concerned for the welfare of their children, but there is no vilifying of humankind. The human family as a species is a product of their in-born needs. The behavior, disrupting as it is on other species, is driven by human need, their inborn desires.
These desires shift and evolve over time, and grow to accommodate the perceived environment.
In your own words, the difference between the woman who blocks the cutting of an ancient tree is one of the humans who can hear and feel the pain of the tree as it is felled. The human holding the chainsaw has no idea of the tree’s pain – he has his own children, and the death of this tree will feed his children.
Maybe, one day, all of humanity will perceive the consciousness and experience of the tree. Right now, many can more easily relate to the needs of the logger’s children. So logging continues. This is the story behind the oppression of many species by humanity.
We, the oversouls of the collective consciousness of incarnated species, have parental love and empathy for the logger, the tree and the human blockade. These conferences are regular – you would perceive them as constant! Rest assured that all of the children on the planet are being represented by oversouls.
Now, how do we define those oversouls? They are not like humans, or how you would perceive angels. They are closer to a Pantheon of Gods, a “God” for each element, species, every interest on the planet. The planet too, as you know, has an accessible consciousness as well, easily accessed as a “Mother”.
Why do you think humans created the phrase, “God made humans in his image?” (laughs) Because HUMAN MEN accessed their image of God in THEIR OWN image! Isn’t that delightful!
(Acknowledges my thoughts)
Kate: I was just thinking how much the energy of the Mother feels familiar, and I was trying to decide if this was the same energy I felt while talking to Mother Earth, to Mary Magdeline, or is it some other being, an angelic energy? I was just thinking “Why is this energy so familiar”. The Mother answered me in that acknowledgment that HER energy was present in all of those interactions!
Many, many millions of humans access me through the portal of the icon of “Mother Mary” or the “Virgin”. Mary Magdeline freely and openly accesses and channels me! So when you channel her, you channel Mary Magdeline channeling me, in her own way! (laughs). She enjoys drawing the oversoul energy through her, and takes every opportunity to connect humanity with their Mother.
And yes, oversouls are learning (expanding) too!
Do aliens have oversouls …… each variety with its own? Does the human oversoul naturally engage well or poorly with different ones?
*** OHHHH! We’ll answer this one tomorrow!
I recorded this one while at the beach, so there is a LOT of interesting sound texture in there, and you can also hear how happy I am to be outside in the sunshine.
This has got to be one of my favourite episodes so far – one of the big blocks people have about developing telepathically and intuitively is “What if I can’t handle the sad things in the animal kingdom / the world if I open up?” Some people feel like they just can’t handle that kind of sensitivity.
Well I’ll tell you how *I* deal with it, and I promise you I am about as bleeding-heart of a tree-hugger as you’ll ever meet!
Episode 25 y’all! Thank you for listening!!!
“Tim from Iowa” sends us his astute questions about predicting the future: does knowing (or thinking you know) something about the future affect how everything turns out?
Did my accurate yet horrible tarot reading on myself in fact influence how challenging a year that turned out to be?
What about what we can do to affect our own future? We discuss wicca, mantras, prayer and “intention” – how and why does that work, anyway?
The book referenced in this episode is: Healing Mantras by Thomas Ashley-Frarrand
And I know, *I know* you have been waiting for the follow up to Inner Demons: I’ve written it… and decided to re-write it. One has to be very careful when talking about literal demons. It’s gonna be good though, trust me.
Happy Tuesday! It’s Podcast day! Episode 24: Fleas, Angels, Precognition and Spiritual Cheating!
The pets, Sunshine the Cat and Happy the dog took me on a bit of an introductory detour as we discussed fleas and grooming and their experience of topical flea pesticides. Then we get down to business, following up with the questions from October 11th blog entry: No Wrong Way to Die.
We have gotten so much mileage from this post. We ask and give possible answers to questions such as:
I forgot where I came from (spiritually) only because I wanted to remember again?
Because “heaven” is too wonderful and souls are eager to learn things the hard way?
Because the time and temperature on earth is perfect for human habitation so why not? Let’s be suffering humans? Really?!
Big existential questions, y’all! I do my best.
I know a lot of you beautiful folks were extra-sensitive as children, and I know at least two of you have extremely sensitive or possibly psychic children. Here’s an episode for the sensitive child in all of us… and I share the slightly embarrassing visualization technique my mother taught to me to control the nightmares I experienced as a child.
I’ve had a few offline discussions about the John / Jesus connection. This is the sort of thing you approach cautiously, because you don’t want to offend or frighten anyone by challenging their spiritual foundations, and you also don’t want to seem so utterly off your nut that people will completely write you off.
I didn’t post every detail in the Soul Bubbles entry because I wanted to let the ideas simmer and to meditate further, hopefully get some clarification.
When a friend emailed me and said that she believed John Lennon was Jesus in a past life, I thought, “Huh. That’s not what he said.” Not that this makes my friend wrong, not at all. I’ll get to that.
In one of our first conversations with John, Sweetie remembers me asking him, “John, are you Jesus?”
He smiled and said, “No, my dear, but we are great friends.”
For the record, I’d also asked the same question of Kurt. He got this crooked smile, took a long drag off his cigarette, blew it out slowly for effect and replied, “No, but I’m a fan of his work.”
Which is one heck of a reply from Kurt Cobain. Anyway, back to John.
This thing my friend had mentioned to me, it had this intuitive ring of truth. I found myself drawn back to it, repeatedly. One night, I asked John,
“John, is the Jesus incarnation part of your past life history?”
He laughs, a big bark of a laugh, flicks his nose and eyes me keenly. “That, my dear, is the correct question!”
But he didn’t answer it.
That night George showed me the soul bubbles. He showed me a bit more than I’d written about. I asked George, “Show me Jesus.”
He showed me three bubbles, coming together. This soul, made up of three linear-time, past-life histories, became the consciousness for the incarnation of Jesus. George explained that for such a challenging life, three had to come together to give the soul’s history enough integrity through experience to withstand and perform the challenging teaching tasks as Jesus.
Here’s the kicker. After Jesus’ death, the soul bubble left his body and divided again. Twelve bubbles emerged and embarked upon separate paths. This makes sense to me; why should the experience of Jesus be confined to only one linear time path?
Sheds a new perspective on the holy trinity, and the twelve disciples, eh?
So I have a working theory. I haven’t received confirmation on this yet, so I don’t know if it’s precisely correct. It may be one of those concepts that builds upon a foundation, and makes more sense later as more information comes though. Sometimes, this information comes in stages, especially if it requires some adjustment before it can be integrated fully.
My work-in-progress theory is that John is a descendent of one of those twelve soul bubbles from Jesus. It makes sense to me that if twelve consciousnesses (maybe more if there has been some more bubbling off of those twelve) are floating around with Jesus in their past-life roster, maybe they’re all taking turns being on “Jesus Duty” – answering prayers, giving hope and healing – while other bubbles continue to evolve, help and heal as new incarnations on our physical plain.
I also think that John & Kurt are related souls in some way, although I really have no idea how. All I have on that is the two regarding each other with great love and respect, and I hear the word “Brothers.” I don’t get a specific incarnation related to that statement.
It makes me wonder about other spiritual teachers and leaders. How many soul bubbles are floating around out here, touching our lives, who can call upon the experience of Buddha?
What about the Dalai Lama? Every time he dies, a search is conducted for his reincarnation. (Our current, 14th Dalai Lama suggests the next reincarnation will be female.) How many soul bubbles emerge after each incarnation of the Dalai Lama? How many merge before each reincarnation?
I’ll say that it does makes sense to me that world-famous musicians who have influenced millions spiritually over decades might have past lives as other spiritual leaders. Certainly it makes sense they’d have past life histories as other famous musicians or artists.
It’s incredible. The possibilities are truly limitless.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how John relates to other incarnated people, and how Kurt seemed to change a lot in how he related to me.
I think a lot of it has to do with how we relate to them, first.
I’ll be honest – when Kurt first came in, I thought he was kind of a pain in the ass. I didn’t really know anything about him, and I expected him to behave a lot like how the pain-in-the-ass 15 year old boys behaved in middle school. Sweetie has a knack of getting straight to the sweet, innocent inner boy with these types of people – one of her childhood friends is a huge drug addict who generally makes a colossal ass of himself in public, and his hobbies include a lot of life-threatening, thrill-seeking activities. I can’t relate to this guy at all.
Yet, over the years, he never forgets Sweetie’s birthday. He always sends her a message or a note, tells her he loves her. And that’s endeared him to me. At least, I understand their relationship a bit more.
So at first, I kind of saw Kurt as another one of Sweetie’s lost boys. I had *no idea* who he really was. When Sweetie first called Kurt in, I swear I saw him as an angel descending – wearing a white linen tunic thing (always with pants though!) with longish, blond, very clean wavy hair. I asked “Who’s Kurt Cobain?”
“Oh, he was that guy in Nirvana. You know, Smells Like Teen Spirit?”
And instantly my image of Kurt changed. I thought he’d changed his presentation so I’d recognize him – he presented in a faded plain shirt, beat up combat boots, stringy, unwashed, dirty-blond hair. Sadness, such sadness. Ah yes, I remember this Kurt Cobain. I remember when Nirvana was everywhere.
But now I’m rethinking this shift. Perhaps Kurt just tuned into my expectation of him in that moment, showed me who I thought he was. He reflected my image of him back at me. He even comedically humped things around the house, like he was some crazed rocker on E, who couldn’t help but rub up against soft pillows, table legs, John’s head, whatever, in a stoned-out crazy way. I just relayed his antics to Sweetie, chuckled / rolled my eyes and went about my day.
He called me “bitch” a lot. In a playful way, but annoying nonetheless. I finally asked him to stop, it was pissing me off so much (something Kurt can’t resist, really). He and Sweetie were doing their own private work, so I figured he was there for Sweetie alone, and it made sense to me at the time.
And then one night, he stepped forward as my teacher during meditation. In this state of meditation, I had set all of my personality, my expectations of myself and others aside. I saw the angelic Kurt again. I saw a gentle guy who loved people. Who wanted to help. Whose intentions were good and earnest. And these meditative journeys into my soul’s past are changing my perspective on everything. This is the most transformative period in my life. So far.
With Kurt’s birthday present to me, I’ve become a Nirvana fan. I’ll listen to the four albums we have back to back. I find it relaxing, which is so odd, considering the intensity of the sound and lyrics.
The only song Kurt discourages me from listening to is “Rape Me”, from the In Utero album. Whenever it comes along in the playlist I’ll hear, “Skip this shit. You don’t need it.” Sometimes the track will skip on its own. Thing is, I like that song now. Yesterday, while driving to work, I got stubborn. “I WANT to listen to it, damn it!” In the first verse of the song, the adapter to the speaker fell out of the charger. The music stopped. “Don’t make me break your ipod.” Big sigh. “FINE.” And I skipped the track again.
That was actually a really impressive move, looking back on it. It’s not easy to move things like that.
Since we started our meditation together, Kurt has often called me “Babe” or sometimes “Angel” – just as he’s addressed Sweetie. I started doing Kurt research and found out what a big feminist he was during his last life. Kurt’s shown me a lot in my own soul’s history around rape-specific violence. Last night, from the perspective of a man… understanding how this man (me in a past life) got to a point where he could see women only through eyes of possession and hate. You have to see yourself with hate first. This sort of violence turns back on the perpetrator, and it ripples ever outward. Violence has saturated our culture.
This sort of learning is a very intimate experience, and I feel this super-close friendship-type relationship build between us. He likes to call me “little sister” sometimes, in a way that feels like irony. Whenever I’ve asked to see if there’s a past life connection between Kurt & I, I always see him as a young boy, and I hear “little brother” – so it’s like the younger brother calling his big sister “little sister” because here he is, taking care of me where once, I looked after him.
I remember a Courtney Love quote, on how needy Kurt could be: That guy can’t catch a cab by himself!
John too has talked about how high maintenance he could be in relationships. When Yoko kicked him out, he said she was right to do so.
When we tapped into John and later with Kurt, both spirits powerfully communicated the emotions they experienced in their life, and deep empathy for those they left behind after death. The emotion around John’s death was so strongly one of injustice, of a sense of wrong, I thought that perhaps John had died when he wasn’t meant to go. Now I understand this as John sharing his overwhelming empathetic experience with the emotion created in response to his death. He expressed terrible, torturous sadness at being separated, no ripped, from his family.
Kurt has also shared with touching intensity, the feelings of a young boy’s abandonment by his family, how he made a choice to strike out on his own (couch surfing, living the friends’ families) rather than submit to the foster system. Being “in the system” terrified him. “If my family, people who were supposed to love me, could treat me like that, what would strangers do to me?” He also said, with heartbroken vulnerability, “Mothers are supposed to look after their kids.”
So why were our first conversations with Kurt & John so fraught with flawed human emotion? Aren’t they spirits now? Should they be above this, or over it? (Huh, heaven is “above” – I wonder if that’s where this expression originated?) Yet it seemed, in those moments of communication, that the pain was still real and present.
I asked Kurt about this the other day. He says, “Well when you relate to us as tragic heros, that’s what we become to you. When I relate to you as Kurt the kid, all that experience is still there for me to draw on, like, you just tap into it with the conversation. It’s the best way to communicate, sometimes.”
I understood that it’s not like Kurt or John are *still* hurting right now. They have this as part of their soul’s experience. We all have past hurts we can tap into. I was reminded that John & Kurt have also been many other people. When I talk to Kurt, Kurt is there. When I talk to John as John, there he is. Occasionally, he’ll show up as figures from his other lives as well – and when this happens, I sometimes forget that there’s any connection between the two characters at all.
It reminds me of my Sea Urchin Lesson, which I’ve been returning to almost daily:
How fragmented our perspective, how fractal-like our bodies and our soul-journeys can be. How easily a new consciousness breaks away from a single mind. How joyous the return to the whole.
When you look at a sea urchin, what do you see? A soulless plant? A single animal? A collection of many, linked Borg-like minds? A soul collective?
When you look at John Lennon, who do you see?