“It all leads to nothing.”

 

I remember writing previously about a friend of mine who once said to me The Universe Doesn’t Care.  It’s one way of looking at the world and its problems from a higher perspective.  The universe doesn’t place values on good or evil, right or wrong, light or darkness.  They are equal because they allow each other to exist in contrast.  The universe, life, is a perfectly balanced equation.

One of the attendees in last Monday’s Intuitive Development class was said We will all become Nothing.  Which is another way of saying the same thing.  It led into a bit of a discussion, since I understand what he’s saying, yet the concept makes me uncomfortable.  In my class, students and the facilitator all respect each other as potential teachers, and so while another woman admitted to having difficulty / being very uncomfortable with this idea of nihilism, the respect was there and no one was going to argue with him or impose their own ideas on him by telling him he was wrong.

I don’t think he’s wrong.

But there’s something about the concept of returning to the Big Bubble in the Sky, of losing my individuality, my soul’s history so completely, that frightens me.

This is what Bob Marley wants to talk to me about – how we are all one, we are all love, there is nothing to fear, we are all connected, we call came from heaven, we will all return, we will all join together, inevitably, as the cycle completes.

I find myself pushing Marley away a bit.  I’m having a difficult time with this concept.  I feel afraid, sometimes panicky almost, when I meditate on these concepts which Marley presents. 

Because what significance is anything if it all becomes nothing?

I’m having flash-backs to my goth days when I wrote morbid poetry, struggled with suicidal thoughts and asked myself daily, “What’s the point?”

Maybe that’s where the fear comes from… that I came so close to taking my own life as a teenager, that I’m afraid to really dive into this idea.

Yet I’m drawn to it as strongly as I’m repelled by it.  So I don’t feel like I’m moving forward at all.

I’m resistant.  And there’s Marley, patiently waiting for me to engage with him again.  There’s Kurt and George, helping me cope with the fear.  There’s John, making me laugh.

Thank you Heaven, for my invisible friends.

I think this stumbling block I’m on is an expected landmark of spiritual development.  If you’re reading this and you’re also walking a spiritual path, I encourage you to reach out for as much support as you can, because when you need it, it’s important to have those relationships established.  You’ll find it. 

 

Ha.  Albie just popped in.  He says,

Remember, fear is a temporary state of being.  Fear is an energy of change.  (Shows me a ball increasing vibration until it rolls forward.)  Fear is a state to be acknowledged, welcomed.  I had fear in my life.  Fear drove me to America!  Ha!  That was the best thing which could have happened.  Fear can be our guide.  Be sure you listen to your fear, and do not fear your fear!  Do not avoid these things which scare you, or you will not move forward.  Instead, look upon them and use the fear energy to transform your life.

He shows me that, while experiencing fear, you can settle your “higher self” and get in touch with the message behind the fear.  Fear is an alert chime.  It says “Pay Attention!”  It is a reason to ground yourself, to remain calm and to give your attention to the matter which inspired the fear; that matter is important.

Thank you Albie.  You’re a dear friend.  (He laughs.)

Soul Bubble Relations

I’ve had a few offline discussions about the John / Jesus connection.  This is the sort of thing you approach cautiously, because you don’t want to offend or frighten anyone by challenging their spiritual foundations, and you also don’t want to seem so utterly off your nut that people will completely write you off.

I didn’t post every detail in the Soul Bubbles entry because I wanted to let the ideas simmer and to meditate further, hopefully get some clarification.

When a friend emailed me and said that she believed John Lennon was Jesus in a past life, I thought, “Huh.  That’s not what he said.”  Not that this makes my friend wrong, not at all.  I’ll get to that.

In one of our first conversations with John, Sweetie remembers me asking him, “John, are you Jesus?”

He smiled and said, “No, my dear, but we are great friends.” 

For the record, I’d also asked the same question of Kurt.  He got this crooked smile, took a long drag off his cigarette, blew it out slowly for effect and replied, “No, but I’m a fan of his work.”

Which is one heck of a reply from Kurt Cobain.  Anyway, back to John.

This thing my friend had mentioned to me, it had this intuitive ring of truth.  I found myself drawn back to it, repeatedly.  One night, I asked John,

“John, is the Jesus incarnation part of your past life history?”

He laughs, a big bark of a laugh, flicks his nose and eyes me keenly.  “That, my dear, is the correct question!”

But he didn’t answer it.

That night George showed me the soul bubbles.  He showed me a bit more than I’d written about.  I asked George, “Show me Jesus.”

He showed me three bubbles, coming together.  This soul, made up of three linear-time, past-life histories, became the consciousness for the incarnation of Jesus.  George explained that for such a challenging life, three had to come together to give the soul’s history enough integrity through experience to withstand and perform the challenging teaching tasks as Jesus. 

Here’s the kicker.  After Jesus’ death, the soul bubble left his body and divided again.  Twelve bubbles emerged and embarked upon separate paths.  This makes sense to me; why should the experience of Jesus be confined to only one linear time path? 

Sheds a new perspective on the holy trinity, and the twelve disciples, eh?

So I have a working theory.  I haven’t received confirmation on this yet, so I don’t know if it’s precisely correct.  It may be one of those concepts that builds upon a foundation, and makes more sense later as more information comes though.  Sometimes, this information comes in stages, especially if it requires some adjustment before it can be integrated fully.

My work-in-progress theory is that John is a descendent of one of those twelve soul bubbles from Jesus.  It makes sense to me that if twelve consciousnesses (maybe more if there has been some more bubbling off of those twelve) are floating around with Jesus in their past-life roster, maybe they’re all taking turns being on “Jesus Duty” – answering prayers, giving hope and healing – while other bubbles continue to evolve, help and heal as new incarnations on our physical plain.

I also think that John & Kurt are related souls in some way, although I really have no idea how.  All I have on that is the two regarding each other with great love and respect, and I hear the word “Brothers.”  I don’t get a specific incarnation related to that statement.

It makes me wonder about other spiritual teachers and leaders.  How many soul bubbles are floating around out here, touching our lives, who can call upon the experience of Buddha? 

What about the Dalai Lama?  Every time he dies, a search is conducted for his reincarnation.  (Our current, 14th Dalai Lama suggests the next reincarnation will be female.)  How many soul bubbles emerge after each incarnation of the Dalai Lama?  How many merge before each reincarnation?

I’ll say that it does makes sense to me that world-famous musicians who have influenced millions spiritually over decades might have past lives as other spiritual leaders.  Certainly it makes sense they’d have past life histories as other famous musicians or artists.

It’s incredible.  The possibilities are truly limitless.

Soul Bubbles

2015 02 soul bubbles

There’s been some interesting questions arise from my own past life explorations and those of other people.  It seems that sometimes, memories of incarnations can overlap in time, which makes no logical sense initially.

It would be easy to assume that in the case of a past life recall overlap, that something about the recall must be wrong.  Surely, you can be incarnated only in one place at one time.  Right?

And what about the information psychics are pulling up about Jesus?  In the Jesus interview on the Channeling Erik blog, it came up that Jesus is currently incarnated as a woman.  It’s funny that so many people are awaiting the “second coming of Christ” – he’s probably been incarnated a few times since being Jesus.  Yet, he’s been incredibly widely available to anyone who asks for him, or seeks a personal relationship with him.  How is this possible?

There’s definitely this thing some call the “higher self”.  Imagine there’s this conscious, every-day part of yourself that experiences your life but also experiences this sort of amnesia, or a disconnection from heaven.  This is part of the point of incarnation.

At night as you sleep, or if you meditate and leave your body, you can connect with a “higher” part of your consciousness, a part that remembers.  Sometimes the lessons I learn while in this state I’m able to integrate into my every-day consciousness, and sometimes I just wake up knowing that I understand *something* new, some question was answered but I don’t remember what was asked.  It’s okay to forget what you know.

It is possible to communicate with the “higher self” of an incarnated individual, as I did with my father (the day my dog died.)  His day-to-day consciousness doesn’t remember the conversation, but our relationship changed subtly afterward, in a good way.

So arguably, it’s possible that spiritual leaders and seekers the world over have been accessing the “higher self” of Jesus.

But that doesn’t feel right to me… there’s something more going on there.

While meditating with George, I asked about Jesus.  “How is it he can be so completely available, yet incarnated at the same time?”

George smiles and says, “I’m going to show you something.”

He shows me a bubble in the vastness of space.  He says “Think of this as an individual consciousness.”  Then a second individual bubble appears.

The bubbles approach each other and then merge into each other, becoming a single bubble.  A single consciousness, with the shared histories and experiences.  Now this bubble goes into a body and becomes incarnated in a particularly challenging life.

“Occasionally, it is best to join together.”  He says this explaining that our previous lives prepare us for more challenging lives to come, different lessons building on what we’d learned before.  Sometimes you need more than a single stream of experiences through linear time.  Twice as many lives makes you twice as prepared for what’s to come.

Now the bubble inhabits the body through the incarnation.  In this time, there are not two consciousnesses individually residing within the body, there is only one, single being.

Now the body dies, the bubble leaves the body.  And the bubble splits off.  Into three new bubbles.

Each bubble contains the knowledge of the original two bubble’s past lives, as well as the most recent incarnation.

Each bubble is in a way, a completely new consciousness, but all the soul history is there.  Two soul histories overlapped.  Now this background of experience can move in three new directions, simultaneously.

And as past lives are recalled, it is possible to tap into two lives which overlapped from when the original two bubbles were separate.  Perhaps the three new bubbles will join together later, perhaps they will return to the Great Spirit (or the big bubble in the sky).  Perhaps they will remain individual bubbles for a millennia.

It challenges our ideas of our own individuality.  If this concept contradicts our ideas of ourselves, perhaps we feel frightened or threatened.

How do we define ourselves?  By our separateness?  By our experiences?

Takes a bit of mind-bending to get my head around.  It’s precisely the sea urchin lesson again, yet expanded:  how easily a new consciousness falls away from the source; how joyous, the return to the whole.

And how funny it is to google “soul bubbles” and find this term’s already been used in several video games, including Mario Bros. Partners in Time.

You see what you expect.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how John relates to other incarnated people, and how Kurt seemed to change a lot in how he related to me.

I think a lot of it has to do with how we relate to them, first.

I’ll be honest – when Kurt first came in, I thought he was kind of a pain in the ass.  I didn’t really know anything about him, and I expected him to behave a lot like how the pain-in-the-ass 15 year old boys behaved in middle school.  Sweetie has a knack of getting straight to the sweet, innocent inner boy with these types of people – one of her childhood friends is a huge drug addict who generally makes a colossal ass of himself in public, and his hobbies include a lot of life-threatening, thrill-seeking activities.  I can’t relate to this guy at all.

Yet, over the years, he never forgets Sweetie’s birthday.  He always sends her a message or a note, tells her he loves her.  And that’s endeared him to me.  At least, I understand their relationship a bit more.

So at first, I kind of saw Kurt as another one of Sweetie’s lost boys.  I had *no idea* who he really was.  When Sweetie first called Kurt in, I swear I saw him as an angel descending – wearing a white linen tunic thing (always with pants though!) with longish, blond, very clean wavy hair.  I asked “Who’s Kurt Cobain?”

“Oh, he was that guy in Nirvana.  You know, Smells Like Teen Spirit?”

And instantly my image of Kurt changed.  I thought he’d changed his presentation so I’d recognize him – he presented in a faded plain shirt, beat up combat boots, stringy, unwashed, dirty-blond hair.  Sadness, such sadness.  Ah yes, I remember this Kurt Cobain.  I remember when Nirvana was everywhere.

But now I’m rethinking this shift.  Perhaps Kurt just tuned into my expectation of him in that moment, showed me who I thought he was.  He reflected my image of him back at me.  He even comedically humped things around the house, like he was some crazed rocker on E, who couldn’t help but rub up against soft pillows, table legs, John’s head, whatever, in a stoned-out crazy way.  I just relayed his antics to Sweetie, chuckled / rolled my eyes and went about my day.

He called me “bitch” a lot.  In a playful way, but annoying nonetheless.  I finally asked him to stop, it was pissing me off so much (something Kurt can’t resist, really).  He and Sweetie were doing their own private work, so I figured he was there for Sweetie alone, and it made sense to me at the time.

And then one night, he stepped forward as my teacher during meditation.  In this state of meditation, I had set all of my personality, my expectations of myself and others aside.  I saw the angelic Kurt again.  I saw a gentle guy who loved people.  Who wanted to help.  Whose intentions were good and earnest.  And these meditative journeys into my soul’s past are changing my perspective on everything.  This is the most transformative period in my life.  So far.

With Kurt’s birthday present to me, I’ve become a Nirvana fan.  I’ll listen to the four albums we have back to back.  I find it relaxing, which is so odd, considering the intensity of the sound and lyrics. 

The only song Kurt discourages me from listening to is “Rape Me”, from the In Utero album.  Whenever it comes along in the playlist I’ll hear, “Skip this shit.  You don’t need it.”  Sometimes the track will skip on its own.  Thing is, I like that song now.  Yesterday, while driving to work, I got stubborn.  “I WANT to listen to it, damn it!”  In the first verse of the song, the adapter to the speaker fell out of the charger.  The music stopped.  “Don’t make me break your ipod.”    Big sigh.  “FINE.”  And I skipped the track again. 

That was actually a really impressive move, looking back on it.  It’s not easy to move things like that. 

Since we started our meditation together, Kurt has often called me “Babe” or sometimes “Angel” – just as he’s addressed Sweetie.  I started doing Kurt research and found out what a big feminist he was during his last life.  Kurt’s shown me a lot in my own soul’s history around rape-specific violence.   Last night, from the perspective of a man… understanding how this man (me in a past life) got to a point where he could see women only through eyes of possession and hate.  You have to see yourself with hate first.  This sort of violence turns back on the perpetrator, and it ripples ever outward.  Violence has saturated our culture.

This sort of learning is a very intimate experience, and I feel this super-close friendship-type relationship build between us.  He likes to call me “little sister” sometimes, in a way that feels like irony.  Whenever I’ve asked to see if there’s a past life connection between Kurt & I, I always see him as a young boy, and I hear “little brother” – so it’s like the younger brother calling his big sister “little sister” because here he is, taking care of me where once, I looked after him.

I remember a Courtney Love quote, on how needy Kurt could be:  That guy can’t catch a cab by himself! 

John too has talked about how high maintenance he could be in relationships.  When Yoko kicked him out, he said she was right to do so.

When we tapped into John and later with Kurt, both spirits powerfully communicated the emotions they experienced in their life, and deep empathy for those they left behind after death.  The emotion around John’s death was so strongly one of injustice, of a sense of wrong, I thought that perhaps John had died when he wasn’t meant to go.  Now I understand this as John sharing his overwhelming empathetic experience with the emotion created in response to his death.  He expressed terrible, torturous sadness at being separated, no ripped, from his family.

Kurt has also shared with touching intensity, the feelings of a young boy’s abandonment by his family, how he made a choice to strike out on his own (couch surfing, living the friends’ families) rather than submit to the foster system.  Being “in the system” terrified him.  “If my family, people who were supposed to love me, could treat me like that, what would strangers do to me?”  He also said, with heartbroken vulnerability, “Mothers are supposed to look after their kids.”

So why were our first conversations with Kurt & John so fraught with flawed human emotion?  Aren’t they spirits now?  Should they be above this, or over it?  (Huh, heaven is “above” – I wonder if that’s where this expression originated?)  Yet it seemed, in those moments of communication, that the pain was still real and present.

I asked Kurt about this the other day.  He says, “Well when you relate to us as tragic heros, that’s what we become to you.  When I relate to you as Kurt the kid, all that experience is still there for me to draw on, like, you just tap into it with the conversation.  It’s the best way to communicate, sometimes.”

I understood that it’s not like Kurt or John are *still* hurting right now.  They have this as part of their soul’s experience.  We all have past hurts we can tap into.  I was reminded that John & Kurt have also been many other people.  When I talk to Kurt, Kurt is there.  When I talk to John as John, there he is.  Occasionally, he’ll show up as figures from his other lives as well – and when this happens, I sometimes forget that there’s any connection between the two characters at all.

It reminds me of my Sea Urchin Lesson, which I’ve been returning to almost daily:

How fragmented our perspective, how fractal-like our bodies and our soul-journeys can be.  How easily a new consciousness breaks away from a single mind.  How joyous the return to the whole.

When you look at a sea urchin, what do you see?  A soulless plant?  A single animal?  A collection of many, linked Borg-like minds?  A soul collective? 

When you look at John Lennon, who do you see?

Kurt Cobain Friday: Angel Training, Art and Spiritual Journeys

In an effort to “roll out the crazy” gradually, I’ll sometimes hold back ideas until they start to make sense in a larger context.  One of these ideas is Angel Training.

During one of the first readings I did for Sweetie, she asked, “What is the point of this?  Why am I here, living this life?”

The answer fell out of my mouth immediately:  “It’s part of your angel training.”

I’d run into the idea of angel training once before, when I looked into the deaths of two paramedics in our community who died together in an accident.  Those two were in angel training together, and they still are helping the hospital.  They’re usually riding along in the ambulances, comforting the injured, assisting in elevating them above their painful injuries, providing calm and clarity of mind to the newbie paramedics who took their place.  They assist in crossing over those whose bodies die before they can reach the hospital, and they occasionally prod awake a fatigued highway driver.

According to her guides, Sweetie was a very reluctant participant in this incarnation.  She had a long list of demands prior to even considering incarnation, which included the constant company of white cats.  She ultimately consented to this incarnation after her teacher, “Brian,” gently pointed out that if she truly desired to progress any further in her angel training, she really needed one more incarnation on earth.

So Sweetie is definitely on her last incarnation on earth.  Even now, she holds herself above and apart from the world.  She gets frustrated and angry quickly when topics like pollution arise, and she’s observing a broad judgmental side of herself that tends to simply condemn this whole planet’s fate.

It’s fucked, basically, so why would anything she could say, do or create make the slightest difference?

This has been her spiritual struggle, yet slowly, painfully, she’s progressing through it.  The lessons from John, over the years, have been helping both of us (some are chronicled in the John Lennon Friday entries) and now Kurt has come forward to continue the discussion.

Here’s an email I received from Sweetie talking about a recent conversation with Kurt:

Hey Love,

Here’s a synopsis of the ideas I was talking about this morning.  Plus a couple of other things I was thinking about:

1)  Kurt’s been working on breaking down some of my cynicism.  Sometimes he talks to me, sometimes he plays his songs in my head, sometimes he drops whole ideas on me.  He may also be priming my mind while I’m sleeping to better receive these ideas while I’m awake.  Some of the conversations I’ve had with him lately:

a)  I was in the car listening to Pennyroyal Tea.  I wondered if emotional turmoil is a necessary part of angel training.
He said, “No.  Not necessarily.  I mean there are things you want to try to learn while you’re here but it’s only as easy or as hard as you need it to be.  You define your own experience”
Later “Lounge Act” came on, and these lines jumped out at me:

Don’t – tell me what I wanna hear
Afraid of never knowing fear
Experience anything you need
I’ll keep fighting jealousy
’til it’s fucking gone

Which is exactly the same point, just stated another way.  So, he understood this while he was alive.  I think he was more spiritual than most people realize.

b)  I’m pretty sure he has wings now.  Although he doesn’t usually show up in that guise.  Is he done angel training?  I swear he gave me a hug the other day and actually folded a wing around me.

(My answer to Sweetie:  The first time I saw Kurt, I’m pretty sure he had wings, and he definitely ascended from “very high up” which is a sensation familiar to me when talking with “known” angels, such as the one who watches over my mother.  Some psychics say that angels have the ability to appear as incarnated humans at times when needed; maybe, at first, we were seeing Kurt as he was in his most recent life, because that’s how we were able to best connect and relate to him.

Now we’re able to open ourselves up to other ideas of who Kurt has become since he left his last incarnation.  It’s similar to talking to John as John Lennon for a most of our conversations, even though we’re aware that he is not literally the person known as John Lennon, but the spirit who experienced the life of John Lennon, among other incarnations and other lessons on the other side.  Back to Sweetie’s email:)

He told me my back sometimes aches where my wings should be.  He told me that I shouldn’t sleep in my bra because my scapulae need a chance to spread out.

He’s taken to calling me “angel” lately, where before he was calling me “baby”.  Occasionally “bitch”, but only if he was feeling jokey.

c)  With regard to the things we were talking about this morning, he’s really been appealing to a spirit of rebellion and nonconformity in an effort to get me to look at the world differently.  Really trying to impress upon me that it is not necessary to go along with what everyone else is doing, not necessary to accept their version of The Way Things Are, and that I basically don’t need to go along with their bullshit.  Not only do I not need to participate in bringing about their vision of the world, but I don’t actually have to live in it, either.  I don’t have to suffer the effects of their actions.

Just think of politics as one big fucking pep assembly that you’re better off skipping. 

Think of World History as a class that you might as well drop out of, because at worst it’s a bunch of lies, and at best it’s one person’s version of the truth.

He dropped the idea of divergent realities on me as I was going to bed after watching the Bigfoot documentaries, after John told us the Neanderthals were still here.  It just suddenly all made sense.  The Neanderthals split off, the Atlanteans split off — that’s why we can’t find a trace of them.  Everything that goes along with their cultures exists on their vibration level, as well.  They probably don’t experience our culture either.

So, if that’s true, then we can probably split off as well, and choose not to experience the effects of the military-industrial complex and it’s agendas.

But it sounds totally crazy, right?  Isn’t that just denial, refusing to see the world as it actually is?

(I think we’re on to something here.  It’s common for ghosts, earthbound spirits who refuse to move on after their last incarnation, to see the world around them as it was when they were alive.  They would see the old ranch where now stands a Toys R Us.)

He described reality to me as being really fragmented, not this cohesive thing that we tend to perceive it to be when we’re incarnated.  It’s actually a fractal, it’s the whole and its parts, like the urchin consciousness.

(Recently, we had the opportunity to observe, communicate with and then eat a live sea urchin.  Urchins have been a food staple in our region for hundreds of years.  It was amazing talking with this creature, which could best be described as a collective consciousness like the Borg from Star Trek.  In the picture of the urchin, see how each spine waves individually?  Each spine is an awareness.  As the fisherman broke apart the living collective to access the roe, the edible part of the urchin, I was braced for the urchin to feel pain.

But it didn’t happen.  All that happened was the collective consciousness separated into its parts – now there were half a dozen singular collectives where once there was one.  The message came “Put us back!” and the image of returning some of the pieces to the water formed in my mind.  I understood that this would seed future whole urchins.  I also understood that when many hundreds of sea urchins are together, they form a singular collective consciousness too, almost like one huge animal.  The moment a single urchin is removed by a human, otter, crab etc for food, this portion of the collective is simply unplugged from the larger one, and simply becomes it’s own consciousness.  It was so fascinating and instructive, talking to urchins.  It makes you wonder about the sheer nature of consciousness. Back to Sweetie’s email:)

We each have our own tiny realities, and there are larger shared realities.  And there is a lot of crossover but it’s not exactly one immutable thing.  He showed me a string of translucent beads, three in a row.  And then showed them to me end ways so they overlapped.  That’s the world, in essence.  It looks like one thing, but that’s where divergence can happen.

I’ve had Stay Away in my head often, lately.  Or part of it:

Monkey see, monkey do
(I don’t know why)
Rather be dead than cool
(I don’t know why)

It’s serving as a good reminder that other people’s bullshit is other people’s bullshit.

d)  He’s been talking to me about art, understanding that part of the problem I’m having is in seeing art as an act of altruism in a world that does not wish to save itself.  He said it’s okay, that I don’t need to fix that.  I don’t need to be a perfect spiritual being, I don’t need to love everyone in the world and want to help them.  I don’t need to want good things for everyone in the world, including Mike, Monsanto, and the Bush family.  I don’t have to be altruistic.  I don’t even need to be happy — although he’d *like* it if I were happy — it isn’t necessary.  The only thing that matters is that I know how special I am, that I matter, and that any art that I might choose to make is okay.

So, I thanked him for that.

2)  Yesterday, someone convinced me to read Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray”.  (It’s a story about a man and his vanity — he becomes obsessed with his own portrait, in which his image is mysteriously aging).  I’m not really sure who thought I should read it.  But anyway.

It begins with a 4 page essay of Wilde’s, in which he describes the role of the artist in our society.

Wilde says that art is a mirror: it’s completely objective and can only be judged on the basis of its form rather than its content.  Essentially it’s the viewer that is the spectacle; people who dislike “realism” art can’t stand to see themselves reflected back, people who dislike “romanticism” art are vain, and aren’t interested unless they’re seeing themselves reflected.  It actually reminds me of Yoko’s work, now that I think about it.  Perhaps it was John who thought I should read it.

But I’m only in partial agreement.  I was like, “Okay.  Let’s suppose I accept the premise that the artist is creating a 100% objective reflection — which I don’t, but I’ll set that aside for now — the artist is still an editor.  He or she chooses to represent or omit things as necessary.  It’s impossible to represent everything; there needs to be a focus.  That focus creates a subjective reality.  You can choose to paint a rose bush growing beside a dumpster and omit the dumpster, or paint the dumpster by itself.”

And then I heard a bit of a smug, “Aha!  See, you *do* care about the artist’s role in society.  You *do* want to participate in this, after all”.

Ah, crap.  Well, touche.  All right, you got me.  Busted. :p

Wilde’s take is that art is neutral.  There’s no “good” art or “bad” art, “moral” or “immoral” art.  Art just is.  Everything else is criticism.

I think we still live in a world where the powers that be are afraid of what might happen if people wake up to the idea that spirituality is simple, accessible and powerful.  As though spirituality can be 2 of these things at once, but not all 3:

Simple and accessible, but not powerful.  Like Yoga at the Y.
Accessible and powerful, but not simple.  Like a Course in Miracles.
Simple and powerful, but not accessible.  Only for the Buddha.  Or maybe some Tibetan monks.

Yet on a gut level, we know that spirituality truly is Simple, Accessible and Powerful.  The trick is truly, whole-heartedly taking in this knowledge with certainty.

The Devil’s in the Details

Hey folks – don’t forget!  Free readings for my blog readers this week – please see my previous post.

(that’s a tasmanian devil, in case you were wondering.)

I’ve absorbed several books so far this week:  Conversations with God, Only Love is Real (sequel to Brian Weiss’ Many Lives, Many Masters which I read last week) and Sylvia Browne’s Evolution of the Soul, which is a book on tape.

The neat thing about reading all these books in quick succession is that I’m noticing the common themes, common strings of knowledge.  I think I’m running into different people describing the exact same things, and we’re all coming up with different descriptions or ways of putting words to our experiences because, well, we’re human.  No matter whether you’re a young(ish) psychic like me, or someone like Sylvia Browne who’s been at it for 60 years, it seems like we’re all hitting the same general points.

One thing that made me chuckle today, is the commonality of the idea of a “viewing room” which we enter after we die to review our life.  The first time I heard this was from John, who told me about it in consoling me because I’d missed seeing my friends play in a really kick-ass concert.  “Don’t worry,” he said, patting my shoulder, “You can see it when you’re dead.”

He then showed me the viewing room, but cautioned me against avoiding experiences just because I could always watch them later – no, you must actively participate in your life.

Then, I heard Lisa Williams on her podcast radio show describe such a viewing room.  Then, just today, in Sylvia Browne’s audio book, I heard HER describe such a room.  The thing is, all of our descriptions of this room will vary, but the room itself will be there.

And this makes sense anyway, doesn’t it?  Why would everyone want the same architecture?  Lisa Williams says there are no chairs in the viewing room, that you must stand and fully experience these things that you accomplished, avoided or inflicted upon others while you were alive.

The viewing room I was shown is much less serious:  it’s a spacious yet cozy movie theatre.  It’s full of my friends and loved ones, my guides and advisors, the theatre floors are very clean and the seats are 50’s style, cushy, comfortable, with wooden arms and backs that rock gently.  Everyone is wearing 3-D glasses and laughing, enjoying themselves.  There is the best-tasting buttery popcorn available to all, and I feel like I’ve won an oscar and everyone is there to see My Movie.  They’ll moan and groan over my mistakes, they’ll laugh with me and cry with me, but always I’ll be surrounded by love as I review the film of my life.

Sylvia Browne describes the viewing room as somewhere between what Lisa and describe – a celebration, less serious than a courtroom-setting, more formal than a night at the movies.

Thing is, when it comes down to it, who the heck cares who is right?  Chances are, everyone’s viewing room is going to form to suit what that person needs to review their life.

I had a conversation with my parents this weekend.  Pretty much every time I talk to my mother, I end up doing some sort of reading, which I love doing.  Last time I asked her how Dad was doing with “this psychic stuff” – and doesn’t she go and get him on the phone, put him on the spot and start drilling him in front of me?  I don’t know what that was about, but I suspect my Mom was trying to be “right” about something.  I gently said that I felt Dad was being put on the spot, and it’s perfectly okay to have a healthy skepticism.  P.T. Barnum had a word for people who’d believe anything you tell them.

Through that awkward conversation though, surfaced the idea that my Dad is not so much skeptical of *my* skill, as his own grandmother was the famous psychic, thus he’s not really allowed to utterly disbelieve it.  He tends to focus on frauds, manipulators, people who try to profit from other’s misery and lonliness under the guise of a psychic.  This seems to be a common worry that people have – they’re worried they’ll be taken in.

My mother *loves* Sylvia Browne.  I admit, I used to fake sick on Wednesdays so I could stay home from school with my mother and watch Sylvia on Montel Williams.  Sylvia has proven a hundred-thousand times the legitimacy of her skill – for heaven’s sake the woman comes from 300 years of documented psychics!  She has credentials up the wazoo.

But Sylvia makes a lot of money.  She supports and employs a lot of people with this money.  She founded a church.  She puts out at least one book a year.  This, for my father, raises the red flag.

I’ll digress along a similar point here with another anecdote:  Last week I went to my neighbour Cathy’s house to buy dogfood.  She’s trying to start a pet-supply store out here in the sticks, and for now she just sells bags of pet food out of her house, where she also runs a rescue for pit bulls, bless her.  I navigate through the intense gazes of these powerful dogs, pick my bag of food and notice one of Cesar Milan’s books on the bookshelf.  As Cathy’s writing up my bill I say, “Oh hey, I have the other Milan books if you’d like to borrow them.”

Wow.  Was that the wrong thing to say.  She went into this 40 minute tirade about how much Cesar Milan bugs her.  She used examples of other people watching his show then doing something stupid with their dogs (things which were NOT on Cesar’s show, by the way.)  As she went through her laundry list, I’d try to direct her back to what Cesar actually says and does, which is his message – not what other people say he says and does.

It was really difficult to communicate with Cathy at all because she got really loud and intense.   Finally I found out that she had not read most of Cesar’s book and had only watched a couple of his shows on you tube.  Then she said “I agree with 80% of what he does…”  and I thought Well you’re harping on the 20% you don’t agree with!

So it is with Sylvia Browne.  I’d say I agree with 90% of what she has said on TV and in her books.  So why did I have this tendency to focus on the 10% that doesn’t sit right with me?  Sylvia never said she was infallible.  She’s a human being just like me, and the beauty of being human is that NO ONE is ever 100% right.  Just today in her audio book I heard her talk about how she used to go around the world telling people that angels don’t have wings.  Well didn’t a big old angel with wings show up in her foyer one day, and now she has to this detail back, after 10 years of lectures?

So it is with anyone, really.  If we just walked around the world allowing everyone around us to be 20% wrong, how much more peaceful would our lives become?

Thoughts, Dreams and Books – A Holy Trinity

 

I awoke at 5:30 Monday morning without an alarm.  I actually couldn’t find my alarm, so I asked whoever was watching over me that night to please wake me up at 6:00… so I was a bit surprised when I woke up a half hour early. 

Then I heard this was because I needed to carry some information with me into my day, and in order for me to understand this, it was best I hear it just as I was waking up, when my mind was still supple and open to new ideas.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of creation, of divinity and What It All Means.  I guess it’s natural to go there, particularly if you’re stretching your psychic legs.  It just leads to so many questions which inevitably leads to the Big Question about life, the universe and everything.

I don’t know who was showing me all this.

First, I was shown a dot.  This is one moment in time. 

Now, stretch the dot out.  It is a two dimensional line, linear time.  This is how we experience and understand time.

Now, the line begins to move, typical wave.  This is the perception of time thorough-out  the possibilities.  Time is not static, but in motion, possibilities branch out.

Some have used the idea of a web to describe this.  I see a fractal.  Say every choice you make has two options.  The results lead to more choices, each with two options.  The possibilities branch outwards, on and on.

Back to the wave.  Watch it.  Now, imagine the line of the wave is a skipping rope.  Tilt the image so you are looking at the line from the perspective of someone holding the rope.  Suddenly, you see the line is not moving just up and down, but in a circle, around and around.  This is the fourth dimension. 

I hear the words:  “The fourth dimension is Thought.”

It seems so obvious to me all of a sudden.  Thought.  We experience our world through our senses, as our bodies allow.  Yet we also experience our lives through thought.

Now here’s where it starts to build.  If this was my cat, she’d be patting my face right now and asking “Do you get it?  Are you with me so far?”

Thought is the first element of creation.  We conceive of something, it is that conception which begins to bring the thought into our reality.  Thought ultimately creates our reality.  All our thoughts together.

Imagine.

Thoughts are affected by gravity.  This is something Albie and my spirit guide Aries has explained to me before.  The thoughts of every creature and being on earth has created an atmosphere of thought around our planet.  So it is with other planets.  Some thoughts may be intentionally transmitted through space, over vast distances.  Some thoughts float out of our atmosphere and out to sea.  Perhaps they will be stumbled upon later, like a message in a bottle.

This concept of the thought atmosphere is something I’ve been comfortable with for years.  I concluded this must be so after I found myself walking around thinking of a particular episode of the Simpsons.  Later, that episode would be on TV.  This happened so many times, I came to the conclusion that if enough people are thinking about something, it becomes accessible to me.

As thoughts are affected by gravity, and like to hang around planets, so thoughts, ideas, imagination, reaches out into the universe and exerts its affect in the world of physics.  Physicists call it “dark matter” – the unknown, as yet unmeasured substance floating around in the universe affecting the gravity of all things in orbit in the universe.

I’ve been receiving gentle reminders of what to focus upon in my day.  I tend to worry about things, and so I can pass a whole day running various scenarios through my head.  I learned from my mother that constant vigilance is essential to survival – that you must imagine every possible thing which can go wrong and anticipate your response to it so that you have a plan when one of these things inevitably happens.

But what if my relentless worrying was creating my reality?  What if my worrying about money actually creates more distance between me and cash flow?  What if worrying about Sweetie’s minor illness actually makes it worse? 

But then, where does intuition end and worrying begin? 

I have a lot of books coming into my life right now; the one I’m most looking forward to is Linda Keen’s Across the Universe.  A dear friend is sending it to me in the mail.  I am *so* looking forward to reading about her adventure-conversations with John Lennon. 

Ellie’s mother, visiting her daughter from the city, mentioned the surprising array of “new age” books at our local bookstore.  Immediately I tweaked – I knew there was something there for me.  Sure enough, I found a copy of a book I’ve been wanting to read:  Brian Weiss’ Many Lives, Many Masters.   I’ve really enjoyed his guided meditations, and in listening to Lisa William’s podcast interview of Brian, decided I simply *must* read his books.  I devoured his first book in a single, hungry, gulp.  I know I’ll do the same with Across the Universe.

Meanwhile, delightful e-readers have come into our lives, surprise Christmas presents from my Sweetie’s dear mother.  I had never pegged myself as an e-reader type.  You can’t take them into the bath.  You can’t smell them.  You can’t fondle them and stare at the covers for hours.  But there’s an amazing benefit to e-readers:

Unlimited libraries available over the internet.

Sweetie just downloaded a collection of “100 New-Age and Supernatural Books” all in .pdf format.  Among this collection is Brian Weiss’ second book, Only Love is Real.  I’ll have to devote a separate entry to what I think about his first book, but in short, I’ll say it’s great.  I would be re-reading it right now except that *someone* has hidden it from me.  It’s vanished.  I didn’t bring it out of the house.  I’ve turned the house upside down.  I don’t know where it is, so I’m forced to move onto other books.

The one I’m currently reading is Conversations with God.  Again, I’ll say it’s great.

With both books I’d say most of it really feels like I’m peeling away some dirty blanket to reveal a shiny, undamaged truth beneath.  Much of it resonated instantly with me as truth.  Some of it I’ll leave behind, I think.  I think this is what we all have to do – seek out the truth for ourselves, collect our thoughts and experiences to carry forward. 

Which brings me back to thought.  Since thought is as much a part of how we experience our incarnation, how much of our thought, like our experience, is limited by our bodies? 

And when we carry some of our thought baggage with us to the other side after we die, does that, in a way, help us retain our humanity after death? 

I’ve talked with enough spirits now to believe that sometimes we carry our life’s work with us into the afterlife.  If we didn’t finish what we meant to do when we incarnated, we must repeat the lesson – or sometimes our chart continues after death.  Sometimes we reincarnate, but sometimes we remain on the other side but closer to the earth.  In this state, sometimes we retain our last life’s identity (but not always).

These spirits who hold on to their past lives on earth very closely will sometimes share with me all the emotion they continue to experience.  Spirits in this form can get run down, need healing, time to recharge.     

I have not yet met an angel who communicates emotion or even past life experience in this way.  Yet, I understand that some of us incarnated humans are on our way to becoming angels.  What are the thoughts of angels?  Do they worry? 

Wow, I’m getting an answer:

No, angels do not worry.  Angelhood is a release of this burden of emotion, but not the experience. 

 

What do angels think about?

 

God. 

 

You think about God all the time?  Is that it?

 

Everything we do is God.  Everything we are, our work, the love we distribute, the songs we inspire, the children we protect.  All of it is God.

 

Ah, I’m reading something about this in Conversations with God right now.  What do you think about that book?

 

It is in Heaven’s Library under “Almost there.”

 

Ha!  I guess I’m reading the “Almost There” books, eh?

 

Angel smiles, kisses my forehead, leaves.

 

Interesting how sometimes I’m writing an entry or an email and someone will just pop in.  This is apparently exactly how Conversations with God was written.

These are the brain farts of a psychic folks. 

Next week I have taken off as vacation time.  I like to take a week off in February if I can, I call it my “mental health holiday”.  I’ll read all of these books, hopefully do a lot of writing and I will think about where this is all going.

Einstein Friday

 

Albert Einstein has been a hero of mine since I was a kid, along with Leonardo da Vinci.  (Something in my brain just told me they’re the same person – I will have to ask Sweetie if I’d mentioned whether or not Albert was actually Leonardo, reincarnated… I don’t recall right now.)

Anyway, Albie, as he likes to be affectionately called, was one of our guests at Christmas.  I’m a bit of a math / physics nerd myself, so having a conversation with Albie is always great fun. 

The first thing I asked him was, “Are we ever going to get this string theory thing figured out?”

Well yes, indeed!  But!  (I use a lot of exclamation points when writing as Albie, because he’s so enthusiastic.)  The problem with our system is, we don’t have all the numbers.  We must discover more numbers, and we must discover the formulas to describe a fourth dimension and as it acts upon the reality we experience when incarnated.

Albie, what do you mean, more numbers?

He showed me a line of numbers:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Then he showed his hands reaching in between and under the space these whole numbers describe.  Immediately I went to decimals/fractions and got slapped down.  No!  We’re not talking about pieces of these whole numbers here.  We’re talking about the spaces between these numbers which is not currently described in our numerical system. 

This is because our numbers resulted from us lining up objects – say, apples.  1,2,3 apples in a row.  Now, you cut up an apple.  You don’t have 1,2,3,4, you have ½, ½, 2, 3  That’s the limitation of our current form of expression. 

He then shows me ice on the surface of a pond.  You see one thing.  1.  Ice.  That’s a whole number.

Then he says, “You must see more, the patterns that repeat between the numbers,” and he shows me something I’m quite familiar with – fractals.

Fractals are repeating patterns in nature – the universe is full of them.  Physicists can spend their entire careers investigating and testing fractal formulas.  Thousands of experiments have borne out that fractal patterning has something, a key something, to do with how life perpetuates itself.  It’s like searching for the key to power the perpetual motion machine.

So we’re on the right track here.

 

Albie says, “You must look closer,” and we zoom in upon the ice to see the crystal patterning that makes up the substance of the structure.  The pattern is feathering, curling, spiraling, building upon itself infinitely.  (This is not real ice made of finite molecules he’s showing me, but as we look closer and closer, we find this pattern of creation repeats.)

“The problem with your numbers is, we don’t have enough of them to describe this pattern.  Our numbers can only look at the surface, our three-dimensional formulas can not describe the repetition of the pattern in great enough detail that it will make sense to our brains.

“So what we need is more numbers?”

“Yes.  Our number system is base 10.  (The numbers start repeating after 9) – what we need is a base 1,000.  This means we have completely new, single-digit figures to describe 10-999, before we start with double-digits.  We must change our thinking.

“Are we working on this?”

“Oh yes, I am working quite closely with physicists,” and he shows me himself whispering in their ears, waking them up from a dead sleep with ideas.  “The ones in California are doing quite well, but the ones in Switzerland are doing better.  They have a computer and they are working on the numerical system with base 100.  Once the computers are able to describe the patterns, the human mind will begin to intuitively understand it.  We have to *imagine* it is possible, and then we will understand.”

This reminds me of the Einstein quote on the poster of Albie I had in my bedroom as a teenager:  “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

And the second, “Peace cannot be kept by force; it may only be achieved through understanding.”

Hmmm.  I know someone else who likes to talk about imagination, peace and understanding. 

“One more important thing you are missing:  a fourth dimension.”  Albie explained this to me by showing me a two dimensional line graph we commonly use in school, then adding the third line which symbolizes the third dimension.  This is still familiar to many of us who enjoy formulas used to describe a vector in space.

But then, Albie adds another line, right at the centre, which seems to turn the whole graph inside out. 

“This is the fourth dimension.  There are more dimensions, but you need to have at least four dimensions and base 1000 integers to be able to comprehend the fractal creation pattern you’re attempting to describe with string/M theory.”

Then Albie goes on, and this is my favourite part:

“Don’t worry, soon (how soon?) we will be teaching this formula to children.  For a few decades, this concept will be considered to be something only the highest minds in physics can wrap around, but then, we will begin teaching this to children, and you know what we will discover?

Children have an intuitive understanding of the concept of the infinite.  Children will learn in a day what grown men struggle to understand for years.  And you know who will be especially adept at the new math?  Young girls.

Really, Albie? 

(I gotta say, I felt personally vindicated by this.  I actually had a teacher tell me I shouldn’t try to keep up with my male friends in quantum mechanics, because they were “unusually intelligent” – the implied statement being that I was not as smart as my friends.  This pissed me off so much that I dropped the class; but the thing was, I *knew* I understood the nature of the physics he was trying to teach, and I was asking him questions he didn’t know how to answer.  I knew that the theories he was teaching as fact were fundamentally incorrect, and in fact, a few of these theories have been disproven in the past ten years.)

“Young girls,” Albie continued, “Have a unique advantage of having especially keen minds between the ages of 10 and 14.  This is the best time for them to learn physics theory.  This is because the brain is still agile, and yet not distracted by the body in the way young boys are.  Hormones that kick in for young boys affect and distract the mind much more than young girls in this time of their lives.  Girls will be the future of physics one day.”

 “This is why at this age, so many young girls feel they are not good at math – this is because they intuitively sense the flawed nature of the system we try to teach.  Their minds rebel against it, refuse to incorporate contradictory information.” 

Albie flashed to a shot of me at 16, bent over my calculus books.  I had a terrific struggle with calculus and was in fact failing the class for the first two months.  But, I had an excellent teacher who inspired me to work hard, and I used to go to the library for two hours every day and write out the formulas over and over.

One day, something in my brain clicked, and I intuitively understood all the concepts at once.  From that day forward I loved calculus, and I finished the class with 98%.  My beautiful teacher even allowed me to retake tests I’d failed earlier in the semester, so that my final grade would reflect my *current* understanding of the subject.

“This moment,” Albie showed me the day I *clicked* “is when you set aside your intuitive understanding of the fourth dimension.  When you set that aside, all the relationships make sense, and you can isolate and admire this small part of the fractal we dance with in our daily lives.”

The trouble with setting aside this intuitive understanding is that when physicists progress to the point of attempting to describe the nature of the universe and all creation, they have only at their disposal the tools which describe our limited experience of the universe during incarnation which is but a tiny portion of our existence.

“You must forget everything you learned in school.  Then the real learning may commence!”

 

That’s our first Albert Einstein Friday folks.  Next week, George (former Harrison) will begin his contributions.