You see what you expect.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how John relates to other incarnated people, and how Kurt seemed to change a lot in how he related to me.

I think a lot of it has to do with how we relate to them, first.

I’ll be honest – when Kurt first came in, I thought he was kind of a pain in the ass.  I didn’t really know anything about him, and I expected him to behave a lot like how the pain-in-the-ass 15 year old boys behaved in middle school.  Sweetie has a knack of getting straight to the sweet, innocent inner boy with these types of people – one of her childhood friends is a huge drug addict who generally makes a colossal ass of himself in public, and his hobbies include a lot of life-threatening, thrill-seeking activities.  I can’t relate to this guy at all.

Yet, over the years, he never forgets Sweetie’s birthday.  He always sends her a message or a note, tells her he loves her.  And that’s endeared him to me.  At least, I understand their relationship a bit more.

So at first, I kind of saw Kurt as another one of Sweetie’s lost boys.  I had *no idea* who he really was.  When Sweetie first called Kurt in, I swear I saw him as an angel descending – wearing a white linen tunic thing (always with pants though!) with longish, blond, very clean wavy hair.  I asked “Who’s Kurt Cobain?”

“Oh, he was that guy in Nirvana.  You know, Smells Like Teen Spirit?”

And instantly my image of Kurt changed.  I thought he’d changed his presentation so I’d recognize him – he presented in a faded plain shirt, beat up combat boots, stringy, unwashed, dirty-blond hair.  Sadness, such sadness.  Ah yes, I remember this Kurt Cobain.  I remember when Nirvana was everywhere.

But now I’m rethinking this shift.  Perhaps Kurt just tuned into my expectation of him in that moment, showed me who I thought he was.  He reflected my image of him back at me.  He even comedically humped things around the house, like he was some crazed rocker on E, who couldn’t help but rub up against soft pillows, table legs, John’s head, whatever, in a stoned-out crazy way.  I just relayed his antics to Sweetie, chuckled / rolled my eyes and went about my day.

He called me “bitch” a lot.  In a playful way, but annoying nonetheless.  I finally asked him to stop, it was pissing me off so much (something Kurt can’t resist, really).  He and Sweetie were doing their own private work, so I figured he was there for Sweetie alone, and it made sense to me at the time.

And then one night, he stepped forward as my teacher during meditation.  In this state of meditation, I had set all of my personality, my expectations of myself and others aside.  I saw the angelic Kurt again.  I saw a gentle guy who loved people.  Who wanted to help.  Whose intentions were good and earnest.  And these meditative journeys into my soul’s past are changing my perspective on everything.  This is the most transformative period in my life.  So far.

With Kurt’s birthday present to me, I’ve become a Nirvana fan.  I’ll listen to the four albums we have back to back.  I find it relaxing, which is so odd, considering the intensity of the sound and lyrics. 

The only song Kurt discourages me from listening to is “Rape Me”, from the In Utero album.  Whenever it comes along in the playlist I’ll hear, “Skip this shit.  You don’t need it.”  Sometimes the track will skip on its own.  Thing is, I like that song now.  Yesterday, while driving to work, I got stubborn.  “I WANT to listen to it, damn it!”  In the first verse of the song, the adapter to the speaker fell out of the charger.  The music stopped.  “Don’t make me break your ipod.”    Big sigh.  “FINE.”  And I skipped the track again. 

That was actually a really impressive move, looking back on it.  It’s not easy to move things like that. 

Since we started our meditation together, Kurt has often called me “Babe” or sometimes “Angel” – just as he’s addressed Sweetie.  I started doing Kurt research and found out what a big feminist he was during his last life.  Kurt’s shown me a lot in my own soul’s history around rape-specific violence.   Last night, from the perspective of a man… understanding how this man (me in a past life) got to a point where he could see women only through eyes of possession and hate.  You have to see yourself with hate first.  This sort of violence turns back on the perpetrator, and it ripples ever outward.  Violence has saturated our culture.

This sort of learning is a very intimate experience, and I feel this super-close friendship-type relationship build between us.  He likes to call me “little sister” sometimes, in a way that feels like irony.  Whenever I’ve asked to see if there’s a past life connection between Kurt & I, I always see him as a young boy, and I hear “little brother” – so it’s like the younger brother calling his big sister “little sister” because here he is, taking care of me where once, I looked after him.

I remember a Courtney Love quote, on how needy Kurt could be:  That guy can’t catch a cab by himself! 

John too has talked about how high maintenance he could be in relationships.  When Yoko kicked him out, he said she was right to do so.

When we tapped into John and later with Kurt, both spirits powerfully communicated the emotions they experienced in their life, and deep empathy for those they left behind after death.  The emotion around John’s death was so strongly one of injustice, of a sense of wrong, I thought that perhaps John had died when he wasn’t meant to go.  Now I understand this as John sharing his overwhelming empathetic experience with the emotion created in response to his death.  He expressed terrible, torturous sadness at being separated, no ripped, from his family.

Kurt has also shared with touching intensity, the feelings of a young boy’s abandonment by his family, how he made a choice to strike out on his own (couch surfing, living the friends’ families) rather than submit to the foster system.  Being “in the system” terrified him.  “If my family, people who were supposed to love me, could treat me like that, what would strangers do to me?”  He also said, with heartbroken vulnerability, “Mothers are supposed to look after their kids.”

So why were our first conversations with Kurt & John so fraught with flawed human emotion?  Aren’t they spirits now?  Should they be above this, or over it?  (Huh, heaven is “above” – I wonder if that’s where this expression originated?)  Yet it seemed, in those moments of communication, that the pain was still real and present.

I asked Kurt about this the other day.  He says, “Well when you relate to us as tragic heros, that’s what we become to you.  When I relate to you as Kurt the kid, all that experience is still there for me to draw on, like, you just tap into it with the conversation.  It’s the best way to communicate, sometimes.”

I understood that it’s not like Kurt or John are *still* hurting right now.  They have this as part of their soul’s experience.  We all have past hurts we can tap into.  I was reminded that John & Kurt have also been many other people.  When I talk to Kurt, Kurt is there.  When I talk to John as John, there he is.  Occasionally, he’ll show up as figures from his other lives as well – and when this happens, I sometimes forget that there’s any connection between the two characters at all.

It reminds me of my Sea Urchin Lesson, which I’ve been returning to almost daily:

How fragmented our perspective, how fractal-like our bodies and our soul-journeys can be.  How easily a new consciousness breaks away from a single mind.  How joyous the return to the whole.

When you look at a sea urchin, what do you see?  A soulless plant?  A single animal?  A collection of many, linked Borg-like minds?  A soul collective? 

When you look at John Lennon, who do you see?

John Lennon Friday: The Next Step

So I have recently gotten my paws upon Lynn Grabhorn’s book “Planet Two.”  I found it in the spirituality section of a hugely magnificent second-hand bookstore, right next to Machaelle Small Wright’s “Behaving as if the God in all things mattered” – which is a book that’s been on my list for a long time.  It’s often referred to in the “first generation” of animal communication books written by Sonya Fitzpatrick and Penelope Smith.

Well right off, Lynn starts to talk a lot about Machaelle, which tickled me that I bought both books together.  Actually, I heard John’s little whisper “Oh, get those two, they’re good.”

There’s a gentle, cosmic good humour in that John Lennon himself is mentioned more than any other person in Planet Two (except Machaelle, perhaps.)  It’s so funny that John guides me to what I’m calling “his books”.  Not only is John mentioned particularly, but the first mention is Lynn talking about the book that John wrote himself via medium Jason Leen “Peace At Last”.

Notice how close in name they are?  Jason Leen and Linda Keen?  Huh.

“Peace at Last” is a book I haven’t read yet, but Lynn uses it as a perfect example of death experience, how John describes his death in that book. 

Later in “Planet Two” Lynn starts talking about things that John has brought up to us directly, and really, Kurt has shown us as well.  Lynn talks about three “earths” existing in the same space (more or less) on different frequencies.  Well that’s another way of explaining what Kurt showed us in the angel training entry:  three beads on a string, now turn the string and see how three beads overlap and look like one.

It actually occurs to me that this “angel training” as I’ve been calling it, could also be another way describing this energetic ascension people are talking about so much in these 2012 days.

John has also talked about the “White Brotherhood”, which he is either in or working with very closely.  We asked about whether there was a sisterhood and he said, “Of course!” and shared a lot of details about that, which, I can’t remember because I was in “medium mode”.  Thank goodness for sweetie, here’s her recollection:

Well, that the White Sisterhood is a parallel to the White Brotherhood (apparently the girls can get boisterous, like at the Women’s Temple 😉 )

Emily and Meret Oppenheim I *think* are in it, and Benazir Bhutto.  There was a woman with a viking helmet (maybe a Norse goddess?) and a fighter pilot who may or may not have been Amelia Earhart.  They’re my council, essentially.  The women’s council.  They’re basically one and the same.

From the daytrippin’ website’s description of John’s “Peace at Last”: 

After explaining the seven different heavenly realms, she explains that since John was such a powerful spokesman for the world, he is being asked to continue his work with humanity. She assures him that the world will listen. He learns that the earth is about to awaken, but that first, humanity must awaken and arise. He will be one of the spirit beings to interact with people on earth to get this message across.

Which is basically the message in Planet Two, and basically the message we’ve been getting from John from my first conversation with him in November 2011.  (And BY THE WAY!  I just noticed the “7 different levels of heavenly realms” again – which would be the third psychic who’s heard from John that there are 7 levels to heaven.)

I’ll tell you some of the strangeness that’s settled into my heart as truth:  I believe I’ve been tapped to help people with the transition that’s happening.  This transition definitely involved raising our vibrations, and a part of this is becoming more psychic.  Everyone.  And in order for people to become more psychic, more comfortable with psychicness, to be healthy and psychic in this world as we all struggle with “ascension” (raising our vibes, evolving, remembering who we are etc.) we need teachers.  Me.  I’m one of them.

Since I started talking to John, George and Kurt, I’ve put my complete trust in them, and they have not and will never lead me wrong.  Aside from these friends, I have my own spirit guides and relatives, who are all milling about in the background, but I don’t seem to converse with them as much as I do John, George & Kurt.  They got me to the concert at the Humanity gallery, thanks to which I made the contacts I needed in order to work in that space.  Last weekend was the second “psychic Saturday” where I give free readings to those who need it.  Every. Single. Person. Who showed up on Saturday.  Is struggling with psychic awakening.  Every. Single. One. 

All of them cried when I told them they’re already psychic.  Already doing it.  There are things they can learn which will make it easier and better. 

Most of them carry with them burdens from past life trauma, and burdens from childhood which put them in conflict with their psychic abilities and experiences right now.

Just in time, I’m launching my first class, “Reconnecting with your Intuition”.  Every time I reach out my hand, asking for help with this mission Heaven is offering to me, every. Single. Time. The person I’ve reached out to has taken my hand in friendship.

Dear, dear Linda Keen has offered her full support and blessing for me to teach the lessons in her books, Intuition Magic and the soon to be published sequel, Intuition Magic: 25 Years Later. (Linda, I hope I’m not spilling the beans on that one.)  If you’re in self-study mode, you can get her books from amazon.com.

I tell you, the first email reply I received from Linda jerked the tears straight out of my eyes, and I had no idea why.  It’s just one of those physiological, gut-wrenching reactions you have when your body is telling you something is true, correct, right. 

The story of how and why I contacted Linda is pretty neat:  I didn’t contact her over the “john thing”.  I figured she must have had hundreds of people contact her since the book was published to say that they’d been talking to john too, and that most of them would be crazy.  I don’t know why I went there, but that’s what was going through my mind at the time.

I contacted Linda because *I* had been contacted by a spirit visitor, an older, classy, dignified lady with a warm heart.  I thought her name was “Madeline” but I have a difficult time hearing these things correctly, so it could have been something close to how that would sound if heard over a muffled microphone, or shouted over a great distance. 

Anyway, Madeline shows up in my living room one night, and I’m very tired, so I ask her to please go away and come back tomorrow if she would like to talk with me.  She showed up again, very politely, and waited until we had finished with talking to John before I could greet her.

Madeline explained that she’d come for help because she used to be able to talk to her grandchildren (picture of grandkids pointing up at grandma and playing with her ethereal presence.)  But now her grandchildren are older and no longer see her.  (Sad feelings shared.)  They need the psychic school I’ve been thinking about.  I should contact “the woman who wrote John’s book”.  So I promised I would, and I sent Linda Keen an email out of the blue.

That was probably one of the stranger emails I’ve sent in my lifetime.  It basically went, “Hi, you don’t know me but a spirit named Madeline said I should contact you about a psychic school.”  It turns out that Linda had developed her own psychic skills by attending a school in Oregon (did I get that right?) in the 60s.  She then moved to the Netherlands where she and her husband established a school for intuitive development that is still running today.

I had NO IDEA Linda had written any books other than Across The Universe / John Lennon in Heaven. 

So yeah, Linda knows how to teach what I’m teaching, and she’s been doing this for years.  She was the perfect person to contact about all of this.  It did come up pretty quickly that my sweetie and I have been talking to John too, and we’re beginning to realize how much all of these strings are getting tied together, and how much is John is doing the actual tying!  I am so grateful for Linda and John’s help in all of this. 

In Linda, I feel like I have the experienced support I need in order to muster the audacity to teach psychic arts at the tender young age of 33.  I mean, come on.  Isn’t this the sort of thing you teach as a dusty, wrinkled, half-mad oracle who has one foot in heaven?   I’ve barely come out as psychic in the community and now I’m teaching?  But I swear, that’s the way Heaven wants it.  It’s pretty darn clear to me, and I feel so taken care of right now.

On June 12th, I’ll be a guest on Karen Hagar’s radio show, “Out of the Fog”.  I’ll be talking about animal communication among other things, and doing animal readings on the air.  We’re all hoping that this show will result in a few more paying clients for me, which will help in a multitude of ways. 

I initially contacted Karen Hagar before I’d received a reply from Linda.  I was casting around for a teacher, and I’d asked Karen if she’d be interested in allowing me to listen in on her classes in exchange for some animal communication?  She got me on the phone and told me she hadn’t been “guided” to teach me because I am beyond her scope of teaching.  (Holy crap.)  She then told me I’d be a great radio guest, based upon our conversation, and she invited me on the show!  She said that doing on-air readings could help with the cash flow shortages we’re experiencing right now.  I feel Karen’s warmth and positive attitude whenever I think of her.

Yesterday, John came to visit me at work.  He said “So love, are you ready to go to the next level of work?” 

“Uh, sure.  Yes.  What’s the next level?”

“Well you will soon be done with the hospital work.  You’ve done what you needed to do here.  A lovely job you did with those two, by the way.  (Two spirits I’d crossed over yesterday.)

“Soon you will be travelling a lot.  Are you ready for that?”

“Yes.  I need Heaven and you guys to take care of my finances though.  I need enough money to pay for our rent, our food.  I’ll need a better car soon, especially if I’m travelling more.  You take care of the money, I’ll do Heaven’s work.  I’m ready.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“You’re positive?”  He smiles, the warmest, loving smile.  At this point I see him clearly in a purple embroidered jacket, like a smoking jacket but snazzier.  It looks like it has long tails.  He has sort of 80s hair, a la David Bowie, dark, shortish, kind of spikey.  He’s wearing his round, rose-coloured glasses. 

“Yes.  Do it.  I’m ready.”

So off we go then.  I’m not sure exactly what it is that I’ve agreed to, but I trust John, I trust Heaven to take care of Sweetie, me and my animal family.

Mind Hole Friday with John Lennon and Special Guest, Alan Watts!

             

This week, my sweetie has started knitting a series of very odd, funny yet slightly disturbing scarves.  It all started when Sweetie discovered “Epic Meal Time” a “cooking show” series on You Tube that involves an obscene amount of meat, to which they do unspeakable things.  I watched a few episodes and I just couldn’t pick my jaw up off the floor.  Then I made a huge amount of popcorn, drenched it in butter and covered it in bacon bits, which is what you do after seeing things like the “meat farm” episode.

Sweetie is vegetarian herself, and has been ever since she saw the movie Babe while eating a ham and bacon pizza.  She was, in fact, vegan when we started to date, but I corrupted her with my copious consumption of ice cream. 

Bacon just isn’t on Sweetie’s list of things to eat, but since watching Epic Mealtime, she’s become rather meat inspired. 

She started by crocheting a Bacon Scarf.  She surrounded herself with photos of bacon, laid out all of the colours from her yarn stash you never realized existed in bacon until you looked at it closely.  Some of this yarn is shiny, which she uses to indicate gristle and fat.  The width of the scarf bulges and narrows, like a strip of bacon, and she’s somehow made it ripple, like a glistening piece of half-cooked meat.  She’s left it unblocked so that when you hang it around your neck, it curls just like cooked bacon.  I swear it makes my neck feel greasy.

But this bacon scarf is only the beginning.  She is now working on what she calls “the Knit Meat Series” which is all at once funny and horrifying.  Particularly because she’s vegetarian.  Judy Chicago would LOVE Kat’s work.

While Sweetie creates these darkly humourous domestic art pieces, she listens to mind-expanding podcasts and spiritual lectures.  The man of the week has been Alan Watts.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Watts

Sweetie Writes:

He was a British guy who spent a lot of time in Asia, then moved to California, and brought a lot of ideas about Buddhism and Hinduism to western audiences in the 60s and 70s.
In this lecture he’s talking about the nature of the universe in Judeo-Christianity.  He says that we take it for granted in the west that the universe is a monarchy, with a god at the top, and that we’re ruled and judged by this god like royal subjects.  We kneel and bow like we would to a king, and our churches are constructed like courtrooms, and we show up to be judged.
Really interesting stuff.  So I’m like, “I need to talk to this guy at some point”.

And there he was!  He’s like, “What is it you’d like to know?”

(Sweetie seems to have a knack at calling up almost anyone famous from Heaven.  John says it’s because in Heaven, she’s “famous.”  I wondered if he meant that ironically, but I’m beginning to suspect he’s being literal.  Sweetie’s email continues:)

I’ve been wondering about that idea of dimensional shifting.  Is it even possible?  What happens to our bodies?  Can we really move physical objects from one dimension to another?

So I ask, “Can we transcend matter?”

And he says, “Do you mean ‘we’?  Or, do you mean ‘I'”?

I was not sure.  I’ve been thinking about the idea of consensus a lot, is it necessary for everyone to be in agreement in order for anything to change, or not?  Is a critical mass necessary?  Or is that all illusory anyway — do we each create our own reality?  But then, isn’t our separateness an illusion, anyway?  What do I even *mean* by “I”?

So finally I said, “Well, ‘I’ or ‘we’, it’s really the same thing, isn’t it?”

And he says, “There!  You’ve just transcended matter!”

Which is absolutely true, and pretty funny.  But it didn’t really clear up my underlying question.    
Of course these Zen guys, they never just *give* you a straight answer, you know.

He hung around and continued to talk to me all morning.  I know what he said is technically right, but it seems too simple somehow.  I took the Bonus dog out for a walk and sort of let it sink in.  I had to wonder whether he didn’t understand my question, or whether I didn’t understand his answer.

As I walked, he started talking:

“You are always transcending.  It is your state of being.  Whatever ‘it’ is, you’re doing it right now, you just don’t recognize that you’re doing it.  It’s not an action, it’s a state of being.  It’s not something separate, outside of yourself.  That which you are, you are”.

Hmm.

So I’m thinking, “Okay.  So if everything is, and is eternal, then what are people talking about when they talk about liberation from the cycles of birth and death?”.

Alan says, “You are all things.  If you *know* that you are all things, why are you hung up on this one little part that is ‘you'”?

I’m like, “Because I only experience this part.  I don’t want to be trapped forever experiencing this one little part”.

He says, “You can escape that anytime”.

Hmm.

It’s interesting, this guy is coming through very clearly for me, and I’ve only very recently been exposed to his work.  I normally need to be in a liminal sleep state to get these kinds of lessons.

After reading this, I asked my Sweetie:

Allan says, “You can escape that anytime”.  How?  By understanding that it’s all about the “big picture”?  But, but but, what about life plans?  What about coming here to learn and all that stuff?

Are you able to opt out of your life plan at any time?  Are you able to simply halt the learning process, if you desire?  Is that what Eckhart Tolle did when he sat on a park bench blissed out for two years?  That’s all fine & dandy for a weekend, but what about when you run out of money and get hungry?

Why is it so damn difficult to integrate this concept?

It is a simple answer.  Simple, accessible, powerful.  So why am I having to do mind yoga to get my brain around it???

I sent this message off to Sweetie and then went to the grocery store.  At the grocery store and I hear “Let it be” playing, and the line that jumps out is ‘Whisper words of wisdom”

 

I laugh, and after “Let It Be” finishes, “Knocking on heaven’s door” comes on.

John has some follow up to our email conversation.  Here he goes:

About transcending matter – this is something we quickly learn to do again immediately after death.  He says it is possible for angels or spirits to manifest themselves in bodies, to help lift  cars or carry someone through a river.  Physical force can be exerted, physical bodies can be manifested, yet it takes energy, conscious effort, to maintain something that has been manifested – it’s your will that’s bringing together this series of molecules out of the air.  If you get tired, if your attention shifts, the molecules will return to their previous form.  It’s like being a shape shifter – you have to “hold it”

There is this tendency, in addition to thinking of Heaven as a monarchy, to think that what we see happening is the WAY IT IS.  Well, here’s one particular spirit who manifested himself a body with physical age 18, and he hung out for quite a while.  He did it, it is possible, it’s just not the most common path that we see or experience. 

And by the way, John says, just because you encounter someone at the grocery store doesn’t mean they were born in the same way you were.  Any number of people around you “could” be manifesting their forms, and in fact, they are.  This is what people are talking about when they say “aliens in human form, walking among us, learning.”  These are simply beings who popped in, ready-made, and will pop out after a while.

John later told us of a story:  A friend of his in heaven who had never experienced an incarnation on earth was talking with John about earth and what it’s like here.  John says it’s great for learning various things, and so his friend decided to pop in briefly by manifesting a body and see for himself.  (I say “him” although no gender was indicated.) 

So this friend manifests himself in some sketchy neighbourhood in San Francisco, and is promptly mugged!  He disappeared shortly thereafter, a little miffed with John but with a better understanding of earth and the lessons to be had here.  This friend has not expressed further interest in incarnating on earth, for some reason.

So this is why you, me, John, everyone else we’ve spoken to mainly incarnate in bodies that are born from other bodies.  Bodies that are born from other bodies already on this vibration have a very easy time perpetuating their existence on this level.  When we occupy such a body, it’s much easier to maintain, and it allows us to forget things like how to transcend matter so that we may learn other things, other ways to learn by creating lives, challenges for ourselves that we “can’t” instantly manifest our way out of, although we will ultimately learn that we still are manifesting our own solutions and our own problems to boot.

We occupy bodies that exist on their own.  Bodies of this density were created so that we can experience this vibration – the bodies help anchor us here for long periods of time.  Or “Time” as I’m tempted to quote.  Gotta love metaphysics – you start to want to put quotes around everything.
Yet, we leave our bodies all the time.  We return “home” all the time.  We just don’t always remember it, and every day we make the decision to keep on living, every day that we wake up because we returned to our bodies.  We may not see this as a decision.  We may even want to die despite returning to our bodies every damn day.  I keep seeing Mocha, and how her body suddenly changed, stopped breathing, when she jumped through the portal to heaven. 

Our bodies can die and kick us out.  We can leave our bodies behind and they will die without us.  We are not our bodies, and many of us already know this.  Bodies are the tools by which we experience our lives, they are not our prisons.  I know it may feel that way sometimes, but they are not.

In this way, our life charts don’t really exist either – we recreate them every day we continue to move forward with them.  If we wanted to, with our hearts and all of our SOUL, we could utterly change the course of our lives at the drop of a hat, regardless of our chartsOur charts would change in that instant, and they would have always been thus.  The new chart would erase the old one’s existence.

The whole idea of our life chart – it’s the formality of our decision to manifest particular challenges.

It’s like when you decide to start a business and you write out your business plan.  Your life might not exactly turn out as you life-planned it, but you will find the lessons are learned, and ultimately you always accomplish what you set out to do.  It’s just if your spirit is trying harder to manifest a challenge than your consciousness is trying to manifest a solution (ie – when is the money coming to make my movie?  Why isn’t it here?  Why can’t I manifest it?)
I read this in a Gail Bodine novel:  “Things happen just as they are meant to happen, because that is how they happened.”

She was Quaker for a while, and an ancestral elf, I believe, just as she believed.  Her novels are published as fiction, but I think there’s a lot more to them than that.

I wrote all this out and sent it in another email to Sweetie.  She replied:

Ohhhh!  Yeah ok — that all makes so much sense.

I was just thinking about John, actually, wondering what he might have to say about these ideas but not really having the mental energy to try to talk to him at the moment.  Wondering, do these ideas conflict with the ideas that we’ve already been exploring?  Because it seemed true from all points, yet I couldn’t reconcile it.


Also this guy Alan Watts talks in a few lectures about “transcending the ego”.  I heard John mention in an interview that during a period around 1967 he’d been doing too much LSD and “destroyed his ego”, so when he’d go into the studio with the Beatles he’d just be like, “Oh, whatever you guys want to do is fine”.  So I thought he might not be too keen on the idea of ego transcendence. 

I personally take a different view of it, that transcending the ego is not about not giving a shit at all, but about doing your “work” (whatever it is) and engaging with the world, but not mistaking your work for something that is “yours”, because there is no “you”.  It’s all an expression of the whole.

(Although I suppose if I took that idea to heart I’d have to let go of any ideas about whether art is “worth” making, or not…)

Okay, my mind hole just exploded.

I’ll interrupt Sweetie’s message here for one of my own:

As I write this entry which should have been posted on Friday but is now getting posted on Monday, I realize that I received some clarification on the idea of ego over the weekend.  Egos are not problems.  They are not things to learn to master or completely transcend.  Egos have purposes, and indeed they help us to learn and to help others. 

Egos are part of what helps us to define our consciousness as separate from everyone else.  As though, in the sea urchin consciousness of the universe, we are a small, individual piece.  This experience of separateness is completely valid.  It is exactly what we’re supposed to be feeling, day to day.  Yet, it’s useful to understand that there could be no separateness without the grand unification of all energy everywhere.  So my personal goal is to understand my ego as a tool that helps me to define my personal experience, but to be aware and not allow my ego to attempt to define SOMEONE ELSE’S experience.  We are tempted to do this by insisting other people agree with our point of view… particularly if you’re an Aries, like me.

Back to Sweetie and her Knit Meat series:

I was working on my meat scarf and watching an episode of this series Alan Watts did in the late 50s called “Eastern Wisdom and Modern Life”.  He does a divination from the I Ching, (this blew our mind later this weekend when the I Ching came up in three other unrelated circumstances, including Linda Keen’s third book “Intuition Magic, 25 years later”.) 

Divination can involve casting coins, and Alan starts explaining in detail how the whole thing works.  At some point I sort of stop listening and drift off, wondering if I have enough space between the raw layers and the cooked layers of my meat scarf.  And I start to think about what I want to make next, and decide I should look through that book “Li: Dynamic Forms in Nature” and check out some of the organic forms for inspiration. 

http://www.amazon.com/Li-Dynamic-Nature-Wooden-Books/dp/0802714102

And I’m looking at a section on nebulous cloud forms, and a picture of metal impurities in jasper.

At that moment I snap back into watching the show, and he’s saying:

“And so, we come thus to a conception of the order of nature that is one of the most important words in the Chinese language.  And that is a word which originally meant ‘the markings in jade, the grain in wood, or the fibre in muscle’ — and it’s pronounced, ‘li’ “. 

And he’s drawing these symbols on a paper board with a brush.

And I just, like, shrieked, and dropped my crochet hook.

I replied to Sweetie:

Omfg.  Spooky!

Wow!  Alan is a really intense teacher, eh?  He was totally poking you to look that stuff up in conjunction with his lecture.

Amazing, sweetie.  Maybe you should call your art show of meat scarves “Li – Dynamic forms in nature”

Sweetie replies:

It’s true.  I think they’re laughing their asses off up in heaven, actually.  I think John might have had a hand in it as well:  “You really want to freak her out?  Tell her to go look at her book!”

Because I went to have a shower after that experience and get my head together.  And then I started hearing Instant Karma:

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/john_lennon/instant_karma.html


And then John started saying something like, “I know you understand your interconnectedness on that level — because you can see it.  You can see how all the little forms in your body mimic the forms in the outside world.  But when you experience your interconnectedness first hand through synchronicities, you get scared sometimes.  But it’s all part of it”.

Which is a really good point.

So that’s it for our late edition of John Lennon Friday… are you as confused as we are?

Kurt Cobain Friday: Angel Training, Art and Spiritual Journeys

In an effort to “roll out the crazy” gradually, I’ll sometimes hold back ideas until they start to make sense in a larger context.  One of these ideas is Angel Training.

During one of the first readings I did for Sweetie, she asked, “What is the point of this?  Why am I here, living this life?”

The answer fell out of my mouth immediately:  “It’s part of your angel training.”

I’d run into the idea of angel training once before, when I looked into the deaths of two paramedics in our community who died together in an accident.  Those two were in angel training together, and they still are helping the hospital.  They’re usually riding along in the ambulances, comforting the injured, assisting in elevating them above their painful injuries, providing calm and clarity of mind to the newbie paramedics who took their place.  They assist in crossing over those whose bodies die before they can reach the hospital, and they occasionally prod awake a fatigued highway driver.

According to her guides, Sweetie was a very reluctant participant in this incarnation.  She had a long list of demands prior to even considering incarnation, which included the constant company of white cats.  She ultimately consented to this incarnation after her teacher, “Brian,” gently pointed out that if she truly desired to progress any further in her angel training, she really needed one more incarnation on earth.

So Sweetie is definitely on her last incarnation on earth.  Even now, she holds herself above and apart from the world.  She gets frustrated and angry quickly when topics like pollution arise, and she’s observing a broad judgmental side of herself that tends to simply condemn this whole planet’s fate.

It’s fucked, basically, so why would anything she could say, do or create make the slightest difference?

This has been her spiritual struggle, yet slowly, painfully, she’s progressing through it.  The lessons from John, over the years, have been helping both of us (some are chronicled in the John Lennon Friday entries) and now Kurt has come forward to continue the discussion.

Here’s an email I received from Sweetie talking about a recent conversation with Kurt:

Hey Love,

Here’s a synopsis of the ideas I was talking about this morning.  Plus a couple of other things I was thinking about:

1)  Kurt’s been working on breaking down some of my cynicism.  Sometimes he talks to me, sometimes he plays his songs in my head, sometimes he drops whole ideas on me.  He may also be priming my mind while I’m sleeping to better receive these ideas while I’m awake.  Some of the conversations I’ve had with him lately:

a)  I was in the car listening to Pennyroyal Tea.  I wondered if emotional turmoil is a necessary part of angel training.
He said, “No.  Not necessarily.  I mean there are things you want to try to learn while you’re here but it’s only as easy or as hard as you need it to be.  You define your own experience”
Later “Lounge Act” came on, and these lines jumped out at me:

Don’t – tell me what I wanna hear
Afraid of never knowing fear
Experience anything you need
I’ll keep fighting jealousy
’til it’s fucking gone

Which is exactly the same point, just stated another way.  So, he understood this while he was alive.  I think he was more spiritual than most people realize.

b)  I’m pretty sure he has wings now.  Although he doesn’t usually show up in that guise.  Is he done angel training?  I swear he gave me a hug the other day and actually folded a wing around me.

(My answer to Sweetie:  The first time I saw Kurt, I’m pretty sure he had wings, and he definitely ascended from “very high up” which is a sensation familiar to me when talking with “known” angels, such as the one who watches over my mother.  Some psychics say that angels have the ability to appear as incarnated humans at times when needed; maybe, at first, we were seeing Kurt as he was in his most recent life, because that’s how we were able to best connect and relate to him.

Now we’re able to open ourselves up to other ideas of who Kurt has become since he left his last incarnation.  It’s similar to talking to John as John Lennon for a most of our conversations, even though we’re aware that he is not literally the person known as John Lennon, but the spirit who experienced the life of John Lennon, among other incarnations and other lessons on the other side.  Back to Sweetie’s email:)

He told me my back sometimes aches where my wings should be.  He told me that I shouldn’t sleep in my bra because my scapulae need a chance to spread out.

He’s taken to calling me “angel” lately, where before he was calling me “baby”.  Occasionally “bitch”, but only if he was feeling jokey.

c)  With regard to the things we were talking about this morning, he’s really been appealing to a spirit of rebellion and nonconformity in an effort to get me to look at the world differently.  Really trying to impress upon me that it is not necessary to go along with what everyone else is doing, not necessary to accept their version of The Way Things Are, and that I basically don’t need to go along with their bullshit.  Not only do I not need to participate in bringing about their vision of the world, but I don’t actually have to live in it, either.  I don’t have to suffer the effects of their actions.

Just think of politics as one big fucking pep assembly that you’re better off skipping. 

Think of World History as a class that you might as well drop out of, because at worst it’s a bunch of lies, and at best it’s one person’s version of the truth.

He dropped the idea of divergent realities on me as I was going to bed after watching the Bigfoot documentaries, after John told us the Neanderthals were still here.  It just suddenly all made sense.  The Neanderthals split off, the Atlanteans split off — that’s why we can’t find a trace of them.  Everything that goes along with their cultures exists on their vibration level, as well.  They probably don’t experience our culture either.

So, if that’s true, then we can probably split off as well, and choose not to experience the effects of the military-industrial complex and it’s agendas.

But it sounds totally crazy, right?  Isn’t that just denial, refusing to see the world as it actually is?

(I think we’re on to something here.  It’s common for ghosts, earthbound spirits who refuse to move on after their last incarnation, to see the world around them as it was when they were alive.  They would see the old ranch where now stands a Toys R Us.)

He described reality to me as being really fragmented, not this cohesive thing that we tend to perceive it to be when we’re incarnated.  It’s actually a fractal, it’s the whole and its parts, like the urchin consciousness.

(Recently, we had the opportunity to observe, communicate with and then eat a live sea urchin.  Urchins have been a food staple in our region for hundreds of years.  It was amazing talking with this creature, which could best be described as a collective consciousness like the Borg from Star Trek.  In the picture of the urchin, see how each spine waves individually?  Each spine is an awareness.  As the fisherman broke apart the living collective to access the roe, the edible part of the urchin, I was braced for the urchin to feel pain.

But it didn’t happen.  All that happened was the collective consciousness separated into its parts – now there were half a dozen singular collectives where once there was one.  The message came “Put us back!” and the image of returning some of the pieces to the water formed in my mind.  I understood that this would seed future whole urchins.  I also understood that when many hundreds of sea urchins are together, they form a singular collective consciousness too, almost like one huge animal.  The moment a single urchin is removed by a human, otter, crab etc for food, this portion of the collective is simply unplugged from the larger one, and simply becomes it’s own consciousness.  It was so fascinating and instructive, talking to urchins.  It makes you wonder about the sheer nature of consciousness. Back to Sweetie’s email:)

We each have our own tiny realities, and there are larger shared realities.  And there is a lot of crossover but it’s not exactly one immutable thing.  He showed me a string of translucent beads, three in a row.  And then showed them to me end ways so they overlapped.  That’s the world, in essence.  It looks like one thing, but that’s where divergence can happen.

I’ve had Stay Away in my head often, lately.  Or part of it:

Monkey see, monkey do
(I don’t know why)
Rather be dead than cool
(I don’t know why)

It’s serving as a good reminder that other people’s bullshit is other people’s bullshit.

d)  He’s been talking to me about art, understanding that part of the problem I’m having is in seeing art as an act of altruism in a world that does not wish to save itself.  He said it’s okay, that I don’t need to fix that.  I don’t need to be a perfect spiritual being, I don’t need to love everyone in the world and want to help them.  I don’t need to want good things for everyone in the world, including Mike, Monsanto, and the Bush family.  I don’t have to be altruistic.  I don’t even need to be happy — although he’d *like* it if I were happy — it isn’t necessary.  The only thing that matters is that I know how special I am, that I matter, and that any art that I might choose to make is okay.

So, I thanked him for that.

2)  Yesterday, someone convinced me to read Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray”.  (It’s a story about a man and his vanity — he becomes obsessed with his own portrait, in which his image is mysteriously aging).  I’m not really sure who thought I should read it.  But anyway.

It begins with a 4 page essay of Wilde’s, in which he describes the role of the artist in our society.

Wilde says that art is a mirror: it’s completely objective and can only be judged on the basis of its form rather than its content.  Essentially it’s the viewer that is the spectacle; people who dislike “realism” art can’t stand to see themselves reflected back, people who dislike “romanticism” art are vain, and aren’t interested unless they’re seeing themselves reflected.  It actually reminds me of Yoko’s work, now that I think about it.  Perhaps it was John who thought I should read it.

But I’m only in partial agreement.  I was like, “Okay.  Let’s suppose I accept the premise that the artist is creating a 100% objective reflection — which I don’t, but I’ll set that aside for now — the artist is still an editor.  He or she chooses to represent or omit things as necessary.  It’s impossible to represent everything; there needs to be a focus.  That focus creates a subjective reality.  You can choose to paint a rose bush growing beside a dumpster and omit the dumpster, or paint the dumpster by itself.”

And then I heard a bit of a smug, “Aha!  See, you *do* care about the artist’s role in society.  You *do* want to participate in this, after all”.

Ah, crap.  Well, touche.  All right, you got me.  Busted. :p

Wilde’s take is that art is neutral.  There’s no “good” art or “bad” art, “moral” or “immoral” art.  Art just is.  Everything else is criticism.

I think we still live in a world where the powers that be are afraid of what might happen if people wake up to the idea that spirituality is simple, accessible and powerful.  As though spirituality can be 2 of these things at once, but not all 3:

Simple and accessible, but not powerful.  Like Yoga at the Y.
Accessible and powerful, but not simple.  Like a Course in Miracles.
Simple and powerful, but not accessible.  Only for the Buddha.  Or maybe some Tibetan monks.

Yet on a gut level, we know that spirituality truly is Simple, Accessible and Powerful.  The trick is truly, whole-heartedly taking in this knowledge with certainty.

John Lennon Friday: Lennon in Heaven II

So this entry is a continuation of the first entry on Linda Keen’s book John Lennon in Heaven.

First, I want to address a thought that’s been rattling in my brain:  secrets.  Everyone has secrets.  Not necessarily bad secrets, sometime just an aspect of our history or our personal life that we do not want to share with the world.

Animal communicators occasionally stumble upon people’s secrets if the people have particularly chatty animals.  An example I’ll give you is a fellow I know whose cat is *really* chatty.  This bright cat shared with me in quick succession his thoughts on “Dad’s new girlfriend,” and the contents of his owner’s fridge, cupboards and what was hidden under his bed.  I was confused about what I saw under the bed and asked for more details, and suddenly realized I’d stumbled on to a secret he was hiding from everyone in his life.  It’s nothing bad or illegal, it just reflects the internal conflict this fellow experiences.

This same fellow has teased me about being psychic, and he declares he won’t believe it until he sees some proof.  I know I could tell him this secret to prove myself, but it would hurt him, and be an incredible violation.  So I keep it to myself, and if he’s open to a reading one day, we’ll find some other proof for him.

It gets sticky for this same reason when I have long conversations with John and his friends.  If I felt a great need to be taken seriously, I could completely spill my guts on everything personal we’ve talked about.  I’d probably turn out a few items of proof for the worst skeptics out there, but I would completely violate the spirit in which this information was shared with me in the first place.

And as I read John Lennon in Heaven, I knew Linda had similar conversations with John that were too personal to include in her book.  I could almost see these unwritten conversations as they were alluded to in the brief paragraphs that touched upon topics of grief, separation and fear.

This is why some people are so uncomfortable with it – “Where’s the proof?” they demand.  Well, the proof is in your intuition, and your emotion, in what strikes your heart as true.  If for you, that’s none of this, that’s okay.

Take what makes sense to you and leave the rest.

I’m just going to go through my page notes here, which were hastily scrawled as I read the book.

My first note is on Brian, his last life being Brian Epstein, manager of the Beatles.  John has brought Brian around our house a couple of times, and always he’s wearing this classy, 50s style blue suit which Linda describes in her book.  In the book, she describes Brian rushing through the tranquil meadow because he’s late for an appointment, but he can’t project himself there because he’s supposed to physically walk and enjoy the journey.  This is so funny, this fellow rushing through heaven, a place where *time does not exist* in the same sense it does for incarnated souls, yet he’s stressing himself out and missing the point of his lesson.

John said precisely the same thing to me about Brian as he’d said to Linda, that Brian has issues to work out with women and that he may need to come back as a “chick” in order to resolve them.

Brian showed up in attendance to the Humanities concert last Friday.  I’ll get into more detail on that experience in a later entry; the short of it is, it was a mind-blowing, face-melting experience.  It turns out we were there to discover a particular new local band – as they set up, John’s voice chattered excitedly in my right ear, “These guys are good!  This is going to be good!”  John began to bring in a few of his friends, one of whom was Brian.

OF COURSE, the band of nineteen year olds covered one of John’s songs (Come Together).  This kind of thing shouldn’t surprise me anymore.  John loved it.  During an interlude, Brian started to talk about how the band could and should market itself.  He said distinctly, “Young men just cannot be expected to dress themselves,” and he shook his head at the band’s dirty jeans with faded underwear showing over the waist.  Brian had said the same thing about the young  Beatles, when he stepped in to manage them.

The first third of Lennon in Heaven is a direct conversation between Linda and John, which is the section that will be most satisfying to the Lennon fan within.  The rest of the book is an intimate detailed account of Linda’s personal spiritual experiences with John.  As you read this keep in mind this journey was transformational for both of them; I think this part of the book makes the most intuitive sense to other people who are on a similar journey.  (Remember no journey is better than another, it’s just that people walking in a similar direction can communicate together more easily.)

Through the described journey, Linda and John confront fear, a consistent theme for myself lately.  I’ve been learning that fear can be a teacher.  While we can be tempted to run screaming from the lesson, fear certainly gets our attention.

The underground caverns she and John explore in this journey to confront fear, there is the recurrence of spiral designs upon the walls.  “It’s the skipping rope,” John said to me as I read this, and I understood that the spiral is another way of describing what Albie explained to me in this entry.  A spiral is just another way of showing the skipping rope, an expression of our reality and the nature of all of creation.

When you manage to get your brain around this concept, however briefly that may be for me, in these moments I understand the irrelevance of fear, thus the need to face fear for what it is – an illusion.  I find this state of understanding difficult to hang on to when I’m completely awake and engaged in my day, but I think I’ll improve with time.

The book approaches the concept of thoughts forming a reality, indeed the reality we experience this very moment.  This another mind-yoga stretch for me.  It is really a different way of explaining the law of attraction and really, another quantum mechanics theory for us ol’ math nerds.

Linda describes her rising awareness, the experience of spending more time with John in Heaven’s lower levels, as something I’d paraphrase as raising her vibration.  Lisa Williams says that when a psychic communicates with a spirit in heaven, she must raise her vibration to hear them and the spirit must lower their vibration to meet in the middle.  When Linda goes into a deep trance and leaves her body for long periods of time in order to meet with John in Heaven, I think the affect of raising her vibration for long periods of time has a cumulative effect on her senses.  She describes her experience as becoming increasingly psychedelic, and how this becomes a new normal state of mind.

It makes sense to me that “psychedelic” is really just the perception of MORE reality around us, not less, not “imaginary” or “made up” (though soon you may begin to think of imagination as something literally creative.)

Here’s something interesting from my own experience – did you know that the world, as seen through the eyes of a chicken, is utterly beautiful?  I described to my friend Toni how the chickens see her garden.  The colours are more vivid, everything is surrounded by beautiful, radiating auras.  Every smell is delicious, the earth is wonderful and satisfying to scratch.  “Psychedelic” is the word I used.

Well Toni wrote to me the other day to say she’d come upon a study that demonstrated that chickens perceive and respond to electromagnetic energy trails.  It helps them find food – they can see the energy trails where the insects and slugs just were.

How dull and grey our own perception of the day-to-day world is in comparison.

To quote John from the book, “All human consciousness is striving towards two basic aims: to accept life for what it is, and to learn how to change.”

Sheesh, you know I have two more pages of notes of things I wanted to blog about, but my brain is getting so tired – and I just got up.  I guess it’s not realistic for me to go over all the points I really appreciated or enjoyed in this book.  If you enjoyed these John Lennon Friday entries, I think it’s safe to say you’ll enjoy Linda’s wonderful book.

John Lennon Friday: Lennon in Heaven

Yesterday I went to the post office and picked up the two books I’ve been anxiously awaiting:  Linda Keen’s Intuition Magic, and her other book Across the Universe with John Lennon.  The edition I received was the original title:  John Lennon in Heaven.

Sweetie and I have been absorbed in, I’ve been reading it aloud.  John is hanging out as I read it, and he sometimes brings a few of his spirit friends to listen to his book.

One thing I’ve got to say first and foremost:  Linda has brass.  Holy shit, the guts it must have taken to publish a book like this twenty years ago.  Wow.  You know what’s really amazing?   How much of the same information we both received, independently and decades apart.

I haven’t finished reading the book yet, so this entry will be about the first 2/3rds of it.  As I read it, I have a pad of paper beside me and I make notes of the synchronicities and the verifications as they come.

The first note I have on my pad here is that John was psychic.  I talked about this in the Mind Games entry.  Linda talks about this too.

Another point comes up in one of Linda’s first deep meditation conversations with John, when they talk about the levels up to heaven.  Linda asks how many levels?  John holds up seven fingers.  This is the same answer I got on the beach when talking with John about the same thing – he got me to start drawing lines in the sand, and told me to stop when I got to seven.

A point which really amazed me was something I *hadn’t* written about because, frankly, I thought it was just too “out there” and I was afraid of putting people off.  One day while I was skimming through a playlist of classical music, which contained a great deal of Mozart, I said idly to Sweetie, “I think John was also Mozart in a past life.”

Well damned if Linda didn’t write the same thing!  See what I mean about brass?  I didn’t have the guts to write about that one!

In Linda’s detailed conversations between John and her spirit guide Basil, she gets into a lot of the same things I’ve been thinking and writing about.  The nature of the universe, of the reality we experience, of humanity.

One point that I wrote down is, “The ego wants everything explained rationally.”  Which is true, and yet this becomes a block for us eventually.  I’ll tell you about my nighttime lectures in another entry, but the short of it is that George has been taking my hand as I go to sleep and gently guiding me to a place where I learn about all these questions.  I often wake up at 4 am when I return to my body, and it seems like from 4 am to 9 am is when I actually get some sleep.

This week it looks like I’ve been sleeping 12 – 14 hours a day, but I know I’m out of body for most of that, learning the answers to the burning questions I’ve had.  I know I’ve learned a lot about the answers – even though I can’t really remember them in my waking state, the questions themselves seem answered.  I don’t feel compelled to dwell upon them.  I think I’ve come to understand that “rational” is only in the context of our incarnated, conscious brains, and that there is a lot of learning that can happen out of body.

This is where Linda’s book is so amazing for me, it seems like she’s been on the exact path of learning I’m walking right now.

Additional parallels with Linda’s conversations with John and our own are simple details of John’s family life and John’s adamant statement that he wouldn’t wish fame upon his worst enemy.  To Linda he’d added, “Unless they thrive upon vanity, stress and paranoia.”

In reading Linda’s confirmation that John was also Mozart, it opened up an answer to a problem I’ve been mulling in my mind but hadn’t really expressed:  If we express our spiritual selves so many times through so many lives, why am I running into characters like John and Kurt who happen to identify so strongly with their most recent life?

Well this is because this is how their spirit can best communicate with ours – this is how we recognize them, and are most open to receiving them.  With Sweetie, she’d initially addressed the spirit that was John Lennon by that name, and so he related to her in this way.  I met John through Sweetie, and so this is how he presented to me as well.

In one of Linda’s conversations, John expressed himself simply as a ball of light, sitting in a lawn chair drinking a glass of beer.  It is more difficult to have a conversation with a ball of light.  It’s much easier to relate to a spirit as their recognizable human form.

I’ll digress a bit here:  I’ve said before that I have never been so much a pop music fan.  I knew who Kurt Cobain was through cultural osmosis – his music surrounded me when I was a teen.  I was vaguely aware of him, along with a few other bands and names like Prodigy, Tea Party and Trent Reznor.

Sweetie and all my friends often teased me about this in disbelief.  “What were you doing when you were a teenager anyway?  How is it possible you grew up without this music?”

Well, I’ll admit, I was a classical music nerd.  As I’ve said before, I’ve had difficulty with the complex sounds of punk music which was popular in my youth – If I was stuck somewhere loud, crowded or booming this music, I could become overwhelmed to the point of tears or panic attack.  Beethoven was my Cobain.  (Sweetie laughed when I said this, but just listen to his music – he was a badass, a subversive.  His 5th speaks to his struggle with his emotions and mental illness.)

While my friends head-banged their way through the grunge movement, I listened to Bach, Schubert and Mozart.  When I saw the movie “Amadeus” I found it heart-wrenching and became a bit obsessed with Mozart after that.

I think if John had shown himself to me as Mozart, I would have shut the door in his face, just as I would have if Kurt had shown up before John.

One of the delightful readers I read for this week told me that my blog gently stretches the limits of her disbelief.  Well, in this same way, my invisible friends are gently stretching my own disbelief – a yoga of the mind.  They know just how much to show me and when.  I feel I am in good hands.

The final thought I wrote down on  my notepad for this entry is to share this realization:  the learning never stops.  Some people refer to earth as “hell” and can’t wait to be done and go back home to Heaven.  Do these people realize their soul’s challenges follow them to the other side?

We get healing, we get rest, we get all the love and care we need in heaven.  Yet, what I’m learning from John as well as from other spirits, is that we can still experience deep sorrow and loss in heaven.  The conflict follows us to heaven and we continue to work through it there, though it doesn’t feel like such torture as it can here on earth.

So don’t wait to work on your shit here on earth.  Don’t hope to escape the difficult spiritual work by dying and going to heaven.  If we don’t take every opportunity to learn and grow in this life, to face our fears, our shortcomings, our darker sides, the more we carry with us into heaven, the more we carry with us into the next life.

The Devil’s in the Details

Hey folks – don’t forget!  Free readings for my blog readers this week – please see my previous post.

(that’s a tasmanian devil, in case you were wondering.)

I’ve absorbed several books so far this week:  Conversations with God, Only Love is Real (sequel to Brian Weiss’ Many Lives, Many Masters which I read last week) and Sylvia Browne’s Evolution of the Soul, which is a book on tape.

The neat thing about reading all these books in quick succession is that I’m noticing the common themes, common strings of knowledge.  I think I’m running into different people describing the exact same things, and we’re all coming up with different descriptions or ways of putting words to our experiences because, well, we’re human.  No matter whether you’re a young(ish) psychic like me, or someone like Sylvia Browne who’s been at it for 60 years, it seems like we’re all hitting the same general points.

One thing that made me chuckle today, is the commonality of the idea of a “viewing room” which we enter after we die to review our life.  The first time I heard this was from John, who told me about it in consoling me because I’d missed seeing my friends play in a really kick-ass concert.  “Don’t worry,” he said, patting my shoulder, “You can see it when you’re dead.”

He then showed me the viewing room, but cautioned me against avoiding experiences just because I could always watch them later – no, you must actively participate in your life.

Then, I heard Lisa Williams on her podcast radio show describe such a viewing room.  Then, just today, in Sylvia Browne’s audio book, I heard HER describe such a room.  The thing is, all of our descriptions of this room will vary, but the room itself will be there.

And this makes sense anyway, doesn’t it?  Why would everyone want the same architecture?  Lisa Williams says there are no chairs in the viewing room, that you must stand and fully experience these things that you accomplished, avoided or inflicted upon others while you were alive.

The viewing room I was shown is much less serious:  it’s a spacious yet cozy movie theatre.  It’s full of my friends and loved ones, my guides and advisors, the theatre floors are very clean and the seats are 50’s style, cushy, comfortable, with wooden arms and backs that rock gently.  Everyone is wearing 3-D glasses and laughing, enjoying themselves.  There is the best-tasting buttery popcorn available to all, and I feel like I’ve won an oscar and everyone is there to see My Movie.  They’ll moan and groan over my mistakes, they’ll laugh with me and cry with me, but always I’ll be surrounded by love as I review the film of my life.

Sylvia Browne describes the viewing room as somewhere between what Lisa and describe – a celebration, less serious than a courtroom-setting, more formal than a night at the movies.

Thing is, when it comes down to it, who the heck cares who is right?  Chances are, everyone’s viewing room is going to form to suit what that person needs to review their life.

I had a conversation with my parents this weekend.  Pretty much every time I talk to my mother, I end up doing some sort of reading, which I love doing.  Last time I asked her how Dad was doing with “this psychic stuff” – and doesn’t she go and get him on the phone, put him on the spot and start drilling him in front of me?  I don’t know what that was about, but I suspect my Mom was trying to be “right” about something.  I gently said that I felt Dad was being put on the spot, and it’s perfectly okay to have a healthy skepticism.  P.T. Barnum had a word for people who’d believe anything you tell them.

Through that awkward conversation though, surfaced the idea that my Dad is not so much skeptical of *my* skill, as his own grandmother was the famous psychic, thus he’s not really allowed to utterly disbelieve it.  He tends to focus on frauds, manipulators, people who try to profit from other’s misery and lonliness under the guise of a psychic.  This seems to be a common worry that people have – they’re worried they’ll be taken in.

My mother *loves* Sylvia Browne.  I admit, I used to fake sick on Wednesdays so I could stay home from school with my mother and watch Sylvia on Montel Williams.  Sylvia has proven a hundred-thousand times the legitimacy of her skill – for heaven’s sake the woman comes from 300 years of documented psychics!  She has credentials up the wazoo.

But Sylvia makes a lot of money.  She supports and employs a lot of people with this money.  She founded a church.  She puts out at least one book a year.  This, for my father, raises the red flag.

I’ll digress along a similar point here with another anecdote:  Last week I went to my neighbour Cathy’s house to buy dogfood.  She’s trying to start a pet-supply store out here in the sticks, and for now she just sells bags of pet food out of her house, where she also runs a rescue for pit bulls, bless her.  I navigate through the intense gazes of these powerful dogs, pick my bag of food and notice one of Cesar Milan’s books on the bookshelf.  As Cathy’s writing up my bill I say, “Oh hey, I have the other Milan books if you’d like to borrow them.”

Wow.  Was that the wrong thing to say.  She went into this 40 minute tirade about how much Cesar Milan bugs her.  She used examples of other people watching his show then doing something stupid with their dogs (things which were NOT on Cesar’s show, by the way.)  As she went through her laundry list, I’d try to direct her back to what Cesar actually says and does, which is his message – not what other people say he says and does.

It was really difficult to communicate with Cathy at all because she got really loud and intense.   Finally I found out that she had not read most of Cesar’s book and had only watched a couple of his shows on you tube.  Then she said “I agree with 80% of what he does…”  and I thought Well you’re harping on the 20% you don’t agree with!

So it is with Sylvia Browne.  I’d say I agree with 90% of what she has said on TV and in her books.  So why did I have this tendency to focus on the 10% that doesn’t sit right with me?  Sylvia never said she was infallible.  She’s a human being just like me, and the beauty of being human is that NO ONE is ever 100% right.  Just today in her audio book I heard her talk about how she used to go around the world telling people that angels don’t have wings.  Well didn’t a big old angel with wings show up in her foyer one day, and now she has to this detail back, after 10 years of lectures?

So it is with anyone, really.  If we just walked around the world allowing everyone around us to be 20% wrong, how much more peaceful would our lives become?

A song from George, to “The Children”

This came through me in about 15 minutes this morning.  Incredible.  George has taught me the chords for this song, so, I’ll practice playing it tonight and hopefully post it on you-tube so you can hear it.  For now, the lyrics really stand on their own:

Life’s a Ukulele

Sometimes when I’m feelin’ down, and life is seemin’ crazy

My mind is gettin’ hazy, my body’s gettin’ lazy

There’s something I remember – a secret so amazing

Life’s a Ukulele!  Oh Life’s a ukulele!

Life’s a four-string harmony, So pretty in simplicity

An unassuming symphony, Resplendent, synchronicity

I play the ukee for myself, And then I play for others

Fathers and the mothers, Sisters and the brothers

Oh Life’s a four-string harmony – A life-long university

A garden of diversity, A mystery of certainties

And so this simple song I play To soothe my restless noggin’

And so to you I play this tune, And hope you’ll be applaudin’

Oh yes Life’s a Ukulele!

A tune you’re always playing

A rhyme you’re always sharing

A song that’s never-ending.

Mooching

I’ve been *trying* to work on a particular blog entry for days now, and I’m finding it difficult to complete, meanwhile, time races on and other entries are wanting to be written. 

The last week has been full of readings – several readings a day.  Every reading is beautiful and wonderful, even the ones that are sharing, venting, expressing pain from a trauma experienced during life or by death. 

This is truly sacred work and I feel so blessed to be doing it.  I see the healing that readings facilitate every day.  How amazing is this?

I also have started to provide services to paying clients, which is gratifying too – referrals by word of mouth are circulating, and asking for modest payment in exchange for my service is a huge relief as it literally allows me to afford to do this work, in that I can afford to spend the time, rather than taking on other paid work to survive.

And this work is fulfilling to me in ways I had never imagined a job could be – and I’ve worked some really great jobs in my short working career.

In lieu of the entry I’ve been working on, I’m going to link to Wendy’s latest entry:  http://wendywolfe.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/when-allowing-becomes-good-medicine/

What she’s talking about providing outlets for animals to fulfil themselves at their most base, instinctual level ressonates with the last two animal readings I did this week.  One was a *really* energetic husky cross who, despite being exercised almost constantly, was still feeling restless and unsure.  It turns out she craved a stronger leadership – she needed a hero to worship.  Her Mom at first thought that her dog wanted nothing more than freedom, freedom and more freedom, when in fact, the dog didn’t know what to do with freedom in the absence of purpose.  The dog needed a job, something to DO with her energy and brain, something to feel satisfied with.

In contrast, I talked with a young dog yesterday afternoon who is happily, utterly fulfilled in every way imaginable.  Her energy was so relaxed, at peace.  Her people had found a great balance of exercise, leadership and love.  She is a very, very lucky dog.

I was lucky.

My Sweetie is catching up on reading the blog entries here, as we’ve been without internet at home for a week.  Such is life, living out here “on the edge” – utilities are not taken for granted.

In response to the entry, Help, Sweetie wrote me the following email:

Thinking about the “Help” entry, I think you were lucky.  In that you just felt like it was ok to talk to *whoever*.

What I struggled with when I was younger was not so much *whether or not* I was talking to John.  (Because I experienced that whole synchronicity thing too, where I was hearing Beatles songs everywhere I went, as well as having song lyrics from various artists drop into my head that would inevitably relate to what I was doing at any given time — not to mention that the things he told me were just obviously not things that I would or could’ve told myself).  The thing that I struggled with was whether or not I *should* be talking to John.

I had this inner conflict going on where I was like:
“Am I actually *praying* to John Lennon?”
“…Am I *allowed* to do that?”
“…I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to do that”.

Because in Catholic-land there’s only, like, a few people that you’re really allowed to talk to:  there’s Jesus, Mary, God (which is really just Jesus anyway because of the whole Trinity thing), St. Francis, St. Anthony (if you’ve lost something), St. Christopher (if you’re travelling), maybe St. Peter (if you know someone’s on their way to Heaven and you’re worried they might not get in), and the Archangel Michael.  That’s really about it.  Even Mary’s sort of pushing it because she’s just a mortal woman, not actually a saint at all.

You don’t talk to your cat (and I *did* talk to my cat, he just never talked to me), and definitely not to dead pop stars.

And there was no one I could really ask about this either without outing myself about this (my friends already thought my obsession with him was peculiar and unhealthy), and I couldn’t really ask John himself about it and expect an unbiased answer.  So.

And the conflict continued:
“But you’re an athiest!  There’s no Hell.  There’s no Heaven.  There’s no *God* — it doesn’t matter”
“Are you sure?  If there’s a Hell, you’re totally going, blasphemer.  You’ can’t pray to pop stars.  It’s in the Commandments”
“Okay, well I guess I don’t *know* that there isn’t a Hell… I haven’t *been* there.  I haven’t died yet, obviously”
“Ok.  Well, that’s a gamble, isn’t it?”

You were pretty lucky to not be burdened with any of that stuff.  Spirituality is kind of like math, in that it’s intuitively pretty easy to understand as long as you don’t have a lot of people around you telling you that it’s wrong.  :/

Very true, Sweetie.  I had a spiritually-priviledged upbringing, indeed.  Thank heaven for my hippy parents, who both left formal religion behind before they had children.

Our email conversation continued.  This next bit referrs to another reccomendation by John to Sweetie asking her to take another look at the work of “masters” whom she’d written off previously for good reason.  He suggested that perhaps, if she looked again, she might find something of value, and here’s one thing:

Diotima (the woman philosopher) in Plato’s Symposium describes spirits as “intermediaries” between the gods and mortals.  Like, that’s their role.  They send messages to earth from the gods, and they bring human prayers to heaven.

Of COURSE we’re supposed to talk to them!

I will interject here with the words of our eagle friend:  “I am a sacred messenger.  I bring human prayers to heaven.”

OF COURSE we’re supposed to talk to animals!

So I asked Sweetie, “I don’t understand.  Why is it not okay to talk to whoever you want?”

She replied:

Well, you’re allowed to talk to God.  But there’s a sort of understanding that God doesn’t answer in words, it’s just like putting in a work order or something.  God will do it if He has time and feels that you’re deserving.  (Which was why I was so shocked when John actually *answered* — I’m like, “What??  Oh… you’re here???  Um… HI!” D: ) 

As for prayers, they’re a form of reverence and as such are reserved for holy figures.  Besides which, talking to spirits is a kind of “occult” practice, so that’s a big no-no.  Believing in spirits is kind of a no-no.  Everyone’s in Heaven — and they love you — but they can’t be reached there. 

The thing where you’re not supposed to worship any other gods, or false idols excludes the option of showing the kind of reverence reserved for prayer, to non-holy figures.  Especially stuff like life advice — that’s totally God’s domain.  (Or this was my understanding of the faith, at any rate). 

Which might shed more light on the whole “bigger than Jesus” thing, and why it made people *really* nuts.  😉